The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Conclusion

Boston Red Sox vs. New York Yankees: Trillionaires Collide!*
*Might be overstating it a bit.


The day before the season's first full slate of games, Saj and I will break down the greatest rivalry in sports this side of Sorenstam-Pak. This rivalry, first born out of tradition and mutual disdain, has evolved into baseball version of the Cold War, with each side outspending all other competitors in the time-honored male activity of oneupsmanship. The last two seasons have had the New York Yankees spending over 200 million dollars each year, an accomplishment no other American sports organization has ever come close to. While the Red Sox stood a solid 70 million behind, that was still enough to be comfortably ahead of the third highest spender. Now the rough 2007 numbers have the Red Sox approaching 160 million, while the Yanks have only slightly trimmed down their gargantuan budget.

But now 'tis the season to see how well money can swing a bat and paint the corner. Time to break it down, position by position. Saj and I will alternate posting and responding at each position. Tomorrow afternoon, check back in for our official predictions of the 2007 season. We will then take a week off to recooperate from the longest month of our lives. (My fingers won't stop bleeding.)

Once again, my font is in bold, while Saj's font is regular. Without further ago, the conclusion to our month long baseball preview:

THE BOSTON RED SOX AND THE NEW YORK YANKEES

CATCHER

To properly gauge who has the better catcher, one needs to decide what is the catcher's most important job on the team. Is it to provide good hitting to extend the potence of a lineup? Is it to be a human backstop behind the plate? Is it to be a de facto leader of the team? Is it to handle the pitching staff? The Red Sox and Yankees have two of the better catchers of the last six to eight years, but of late they have become known as such for two different reasons. Jorge Posada has consistently been one of the top hitting catchers in the game. He has hit 20 or more homeruns in six of the last seven seasons (the other season was 19). Last season he hit 24 home runs, drove in 93 runs, and played 143 games while hitting an admirable .277. As a switch hitter, he's more than a catcher, but an asset at the plate.

Jason Varitek, meanwhile, is much more of an asset behind the plate. His offensive numbers are in steady declinaton, but no one in baseball calls a better game or handles a pitching staff with as much skill. His powers of making a pitcher their best even extend into the fantasy realm. Last year, my fantasy baseball team, brilliantly named Cheney's Pacemaker, was in first place right through August. However, in mid-August at our trade deadline, I decided to shore up my last week link before the playoffs, and traded Varitek in a deal for Josh Willingham. My pitching staff promptly fell apart, and my first place regular season team lost in the semi-finals. That is the power of Varitek.

Lately, of course, mentioning power and Varitek in the same sentence is impossible. He looked increasingly terrible at the plate last year and looks atrocious this spring, hitting barely over .100. So we return to the beginning of this verbose catcher preview. Which do I prioritize as the chief task of the catcher? While all are important, I'll take the guy that can lower my pitching staff's ERA. Slight Edge: Red Sox

Ian, I agree with you. Posada is a better hitting catcher (Varitek will be atrocious at the plate this year), which may be more valuable than a catcher's effect on a pitching staff (great BP article), but as they both enter their age 35 season I just can't see Posada hitting like he used to which is where the bulk of his value lies. As far as more conventional defensive stats Posada has given up 43 passed balls in the last four years to Varitek's 11 and while Posada has a better caught-stealing percentage, people tend to run on him more for whatever reason and that could skew the numbers. In the end I give the edge to Varitek because there is no way in hell Posada could ever grow such an awesome goatee. And do I even have to mention how awesome THIS was? Edge: Red Sox.


FIRST BASE

The Yankees are a mystifying team in that for all their All-stars they always have one or two fundamentally terrible players in their lineup. Karim Garcia was one. Miguel Cairo was another. And the list goes on. In the spirit of that time-honored tradition, the 2007 Yankees have handed the first base reins over to the two-headed monster that is the Doug Mientkiewicz/Josh Phelps experience. Mientkiewicz is very, very bad at the plate. And while good, he's overrated as a defensive specialist. I think it was Confucius who said, "Fielding first base better than Kevin Millar is like beating a cripple in a footrace. You may win but that does not make you Jesse Owens." And that Confucius was a smart fella, I'll tell you that much. Oh, and Giambi might suit up at first for a few games (especially in inter-league play). Get ready to Tivo that steroid-fueled three ring circus. The guy can barely touch his toes with a yardstick.

Meanwhile the Red Sox are suiting up a man affectionately known to all as "The Greek God of Walks." Kevin Youkilis is an on-base machine who, as a transplanted third baseman, plays plus defense. He's very well suited to hit second ahead of Manny Ortez and the gang. Edge: Red Sox.


Am I the only one who was surprised that the Yankees didn't enter the now over Todd Helton talks? Either they upgrade at first base OR they drive up the price on the Sox. Giambi out of the infield is truly addition by subtraction, and the Yankees have enough hitting as it is, so I don't blame them for trying to shore up the defense of their entire infield (Can you say E-Rod?) by starting better defensive first basemen. Still, one cannot deny the pluses Youkilis brings to the table as a perfect table setter for the Sox loaded middle of the order. I'd like to see him hitting #1 or #2 all year. The Yankees platoon, defensively, is not far superior to Youkilis', but they will be a very weak spot in the Yankees offense, while Youkilis is an intergral part of the Sox' lineup. Edge: Red Sox


SECOND BASE

By the end of this season, Robinson Cano will be Yankees fans' second favorite player after his double play partner. He will hit well over .300, play a decent second base, and make every Yankee fan proud that he's one of the few players that came up through the system. The Red Sox counter with their own home grown product, Dustin Pedroia. Pedroia has been a name good Red Sox fans have known for a couple years. The 2007 season was always his target date of arrival, but now that he's here, Sox fans are more nervous than excited. With Hanley Ramirez, Freddy Sanchez, and Anibal Sanchez doing so well as ex-Red Sox farm products, Sox fans might become furious that the one that remained was the one that didn't amount to anything. Edge: Yankees

Agreed, Cano is good. Nothing to add. Edge: Yankees.


SHORTSTOP

This guy versus this guy? Long story short I am finally willing to admit that I want to be Derek Jeter. For the longest time I was 100% sure Jeter was overrated but he had a MVP-caliber season last year and he's shored up his spotty defense in recent years. He's still overrated by Yankee fans but he's a Hall-of-Famer in both the sport of baseball and the sport of banging impossibly hot and famous women. And for some goddamn reason the Red Sox paid Julio Lugo $36 million. Edge: Yankees.


Nah, I gotta take Lugo over Jeter. And then I'll take the Yankees to go all the way. Both statements are laughable. Edge: Yankees.

THIRD BASE

Man, this hurts. Where's Scott Cooper when you need him? Mike Lowell is respectable. He works hard, he's a good clubhouse guy, he can hit for power and hit in the gaps. Defensively, he plays a great third base. He has a goatee. And that's about it. He's not getting any younger and this will probably be his last year in Boston. On the Yankees' side, we have what could be the most talented player in the game. Sure, he's a bigger head case than Jason Voorhees, but he's still a five tool player who scares you for six innings a game and 140 games a year. Unless you're David Wright or Miguel Cabrera, the third base matchup will always go to the Bronx Bombers. Edge: Yankees.

I don't want to talk about it. Edge: Yankees

OUTFIELD

Very difficult to tell this one. So I'm going to say it's a wash. A healthy Coco Crisp and a healthy J.D. Drew alongside Manny Ramirez could eclipse the production of the vaunted Yankees outfield of Bobby Abreu, Hideki Matsui, and Johnny Damon. All three of them aren't getting any younger and Matsui might be the only to reach upper 20's in homeruns. But they'll stay healthy which is more than you can say for the Red Sox. Edge: Even


What are you smoking? *Editor's note: You know what I'm smoking* As a whole this Yankee outfield is easily better than the Red Sox outfield. One by one, it's Manny over Matsui, but Damon and Abreu by a mile over Crisp and Drew. Edge: Yankees

DESIGNATED HITTER

Whew. Big Papi puts a stop to this Yankees run of four straight edges since the Sox took the first two. Giambi is a very good hitter. Nice OBP. Good eye. Good power, especially at Yankee Stadium. But David Ortiz is the best designated hitter in the league, and one of the top five hitters in all of baseball. Edge: Red Sox

Completely in agreement. Jason Giambi IS a very good hitter and his last two seasons in Oakland were actually statistically better than anything anyone else (not named Barry Bonds) has done in the last two decades of baseball, including Pujols, Hafner, and Ramirez. but Giambi is five or six seasons removed from those seasons and presumably from steroid abuse. He's still a dangerous hitter in a pro-lefty park but David Ortiz is 1B to Hafner's 1A in terms of the best DH's in the league. And he has the Papi-mystique, the 500-foot homeruns, the personality, and the second-best righthanded hitter in the game protecting him in the lineup. Simply put, David Ortiz is the best non-Ryan Howard bet to hit 60 homeruns this year. Edge: Red Sox

LINEUP

Edge: Yankees

Quick lineup note: It's easy to forget how good the Yankees lineup actually is. They lead the league in runs scored last year (scoring runs being the principle objective of an offense) by 60 and they are a good bet to do it again. But Cano is their only regular younger than 31 and their defense is weak. Edge: Yankees

PITCHING

I'm really happy to state this: the Red Sox have an unequivocally better pitching staff than the Yankees. You can't even argue this point. Top to the bottom in the rotation, and even, finally, in the bullpen. Schilling, even despite his opening day hiccup, Beckett, and Matsuzaka might be baseball's best top three and with Papelbon closing and guys like Romero, Donnelly, Pineiro, Timlin around to set up, this Red Sox bullpen is the best it has been since the days of Hipolito Pichardo and Rich Garces. Meanwhile the Yankees had to start THIS GUY on opening day, Andy Pettitte is sporting grey streaks in his hair (and a balky back), Mike Mussina will be 38 this season, and Chien-Ming Wang started the season on the DL with a strained right hamstring. Hamstring injuries don't just fade away (SEE ALSO: Junior Griffey) and his right leg is the one he uses to push off the rubber. How effective will his power sinker really be this season? Speaking of power sinkers, don't you need a good infield defense to complement them? I guess Brian Cashman never got that memo. And their bullpen looks just about as crappy as any other Yankees bullpen since they overused Tom Gordon and Paul Quantrill: cross your fingers for a few innings and let Mariano Rivera dominate the ninth. In the end the Yankees will score enough runs to make the playoffs in spite of their pitching, but to stick around in the playoffs I'll take Schilling, Beckett, and Daisuke. Edge: Red Sox.


My thoughts almost exactly. Though your comparison of lineups reeked of bias, this pitching comparison is spot on. I don't have anything else to add to the starters. For the bullpen, I'd say that Joel Piniero does not help ones argument when discussing the strength of Boston's bullpen. (I expect him to be traded soon.) Who you did forget was Craig Hansen and Manny Del Carmen, who are both very young, improving, and won't have to be relied upon to get big outs in the 8th and 9th. Papelbon's move to the bullpen I did not agree with, but it did mean that Boston's bullpen became a strength, as Romero, Timlin, and Donnelly is actually a damned good trio of set up men. Edge: Red Sox.


Final tally:
Yankees 4
Red Sox 4

Here we go again.


Ian calling me a biased sports fan is like Mussolini calling FDR a fascist.


Saj using humor as a defense mechanism is as automatic as Papelbon in the ninth.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Al East
Toronto Blue Jays
Baltimore Orioles
Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Toronto Blue Jays

Orioles: Bedard will be at least a top 10 pitcher in the AL this year. Ditto Cabrera, if he ever finds the strike zone. I might be exaggerating just a little, but they're good those two.

THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS

Pitching: Roy Halladay is very good. B.J. Ryan is very good. A.J. Burnett could be very good (my fantasy team depends on it). The rest is crap. The reason I zoomed through that is because I wanted to spend more time talking about the newest addition to the Blue Jays' family: the inimitable Mr. Victor Zambrano.

Way back in 2004, Mr. Zambrano spent every fifth day of the first half of his season pitching for a team by the name of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Life was simple for Victor. He lived near the beach, drove a brand new Range Rover, and, for the most part, was not asked to win baseball games. In fact, all his organization asked of him was that he pitch well enough to improve his trade value which would enable him to escape baseball purgatory and enable the Devil Rays to reap a bounty for his services. Victor didn't perform at an overwhelming level in Tampa as evidenced by his exactly league average ERA. If you consider his 1.5+ WHIP and 1.2 K/BB ratio he was probably a below average pitcher. But Victor was also a 28-year-old making only $325,000 who threw in the mid-90s and that made him an appealing target for the front office of any team still in the playoff hunt. One such front office was that of the New York Mets.

The General Manager of the Mets at the time, Jim Duquette, was a formidable, but simple, man. Raised on a turnip farm in French Canada, Duquette learned from an early age the value of hard work and discipline when it came to turnip horticulture. As a youth he won several 4-H medals in the study and was a legitimate superstar in his field. Duquette, and the Mets, hoped that success in turnips would translate to success in operating a baseball franchise.

As the trade deadline loomed ever closer, Duquette found himself enamored by Victor Zambrano. But he didn't want to tip his hand. So he sent the Devil Rays a preliminary offer of a little known left-handed pitching prospect by the name of Scott Kazmir. Kazmir was slight of build, he looked more like a golfer than a pitcher, and was widely regarded as one of those high-risk, low-ceiling prospects. Duquette was unsure of his chances of landing Zambrano with such dubious bait, but he proposed it anyway and much to his delight, the Devil Rays accepted.

That was fun, wasn't it? NOW FOR REALITY. In reality, Scott Kazmir was a 20-year-old who was the Mets best pitching prospect since Dwight Gooden nearly two decades earlier. In reality, Kazmir held the Texas state high school single-season record for strikeouts, eclipsing by three the record then held by Josh Beckett (to put that in perspective both Nolan Ryan and Roger Clemens, one and two in all-time strikeouts, played high school baseball in Texas). In reality, Scott Kazmir was Baseball America's 2002 player of year and he was drafted 13th overall and given a Mets-team record $2.15 million signing bonus. In reality, Scott Kazmir struck out 34 batters in his first 18 innings of professional baseball at the age of 18-years-old. In reality, the Mets lost five straight after the trade and missed the playoffs by 25 games. In reality, Kazmir is now the Devil Rays franchise leader in strikeouts despite being only 22 and having pitched only 364 innings at the major league level. In reality, Jim Duquette is a f**king doofus (maybe it's in the genes???). Take that Mets-fans, you Bill Buckner-chanting, Mookie Wilson-loving a*******.

Hitting: That Kazmir thing took a lot out of me so this might be short. The "big bat" in the lineup presumably belongs to Vernon Wells, the man the Blue Jays overpaid to stay in Toronto. Don't get me wrong, there are more egregiously overpaid outfielders than Vernon Wells but that doesn't mean it's okay to give him $126 million dollars. I guess baseball finances are trending in that direction and I'm behind the times on what exactly $126 million dollars will get you nowadays. As for the rest: 39-year-old Frank Thomas was a nice addition to the lineup provided he can stay healthy and produce at the level he produced last year for Oakland. Troy Glaus and Lyle Overbay are solid corner infield bats at their prime and Alex Rios in the sole quality representative of Toronto's youth movement. The negative: for some reason Royce Clayton is their starting shortstop. And I can't get behind that.

Miscellaneous: The Kazmir rant probably falls under this category. But as a bonus, I think the Blue Jays should take a cue from Tampa Bay and shorten their name to just the Jays. The Toronto Jays. Sure it sounds stupid, but their uniforms and their stadium look stupid. In fact, they should call themselves the Toronto Stupid Jays. Canadian schmucks.

Stupid Jays related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on number of Scott Kazmir pitching performances I will try to get roommate and Mets' fan Rob to watch on mlb.tv this season: all of them. I know it's impossible, but I'd take the over.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Al East
Baltimore Orioles
Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Baltimore Orioles

Quick Devil Rays thought: Why do they exist? The Devil Rays are the greatest argument for contraction since Wyoming was introduced to the Union.

THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES

Pitching: In pitching coach Leo Mazzone's second year, there is cause for excitement for the Oriole faithful. Mazzone has the remarkable capability of getting a pitcher to pitch his absolute best. The problem, however, is that this starting rotation doesn't exactly have the highest ceiling in the world. There are four adequate starters (Bedard, Wright, Trachsel, and Cabrera), but none of them excite anyone. These are average to slightly-above-average starters. The bullpen, on the other hand, might be one of the best in baseball. They have three guys with closing experience (Ray, Baez, Williamson) and one of the better right handed set up men in the game (Bradford). There are few teams with which I'd feel more comfortable with a lead in the seventh.

Hitting: Like the Devil Rays, the poor Orioles have the misfortune of competing in the same division as the two biggest spenders in the sport. Miguel Tejada was the only big free agent that wanted to come compete with a team guaranteed not to compete. Since Miggy's arrival in Baltimore, it's been mostly overachievers like Melvin Mora and Brian Roberts. This offseason's biggest acquisition was Aubrey Huff, a hard worker with a nice stick, but nowhere near enough to compete with Ortiz-Ramirez or Giambi-Abreu-Rodriguez-Matsui.

Miscellaneous: How much do Orioles fans hate New Yorkers and Bostonians? I mean, unlike Tampa Bay, Baltimore loves their baseball team. And for a solid five years, their season is over before it begins. I'd be so bitter.

Orioles-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Realistic calculation on the amount of times Leo Mazzone, notorious for rocking back and forth, rocks in one season. Two hundred times per half inning times two to make a full inning times nine innings at an average of four hundred times per inning, multiplied by 162 games. Over/Under on amount of rocks this season: 583,200. I would not feel comfortable taking the under.


Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Al East
Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Tampa Bay Devil Rays

So here we are at the final division of this exhaustive exercise in futility. But before we get to the actual AL East (READ: Red Sox and Yankees) we have three teams to schlep through, most likely half-assedly. And before you give me the "the Blue Jays finished second last year" argument, go f**k yourself. It's a stupid argument and it holds no water.

THE TAMPA BAY (DEVIL) RAYS

Pitching: Remember when Edwin Jackson was a stud prospect for the Dodgers? I do. Sure he's still only 23 but you don't trade a 21-year-old pitching prospect unless you think he'll get hurt (Francisco Liriano) or you think he's not worth what everyone thinks he's worth (Brandon McCarthy). Ergo the trade of Edwin Jackson for the ultimately forgettable Lance Carter and Danys Baez. Of course if the trade bounty is Victor Zambrano, by all means trade the best young arm to come through your system since Dwight Gooden. That's right, I'm talking about the Mets trade of the super-awesome Scott Kazmir. Just something for Mets fans to think about... Anyway, the rest of the staff is incredibly forgettable.

Hitting: Great young outfield with three guys under 25: Rocco Baldelli, Carl Crawford, and Delmon Young, with Baldelli the most probable to be traded to make space for top prospect Elijah Dukes. Then there's Japanese import Akinori Iwamura, the least touted of the three Japanese players that posted this offseason. Iwamura might have 20 to 30 homerun power this season but he's little more than a placeholder for yet another Devil Rays top prospect, Evan Longoria. This is all without mentioning 22-year-old B.J. Upton whose poor defense is the only thing that's keeping him in his current super-utility role. The theme seems to be youth and potential. Bringing young players up early is a Catch-22 for this star-crossed franchise. The more major league service time these players have the better they will be but also the sooner they can leave for free agency. Oh, to be a professional baseball team in a market that probably shouldn't have a professional baseball team. How soon before we transfer the franchise to Puerto Rico and move a Triple-A team into that grotesque ballpark in St. Petersburg?

Miscellaneous: A two-parter. First, the Devil Rays are slated to change their team name from the "Devil Rays" to the "Rays" at some vague point at the very end of this season. I thought I'd have something funny to say about this, but I really don't. Second, Evan Longoria? No relation, I checked. And it's also not one of those Victor/Victoria, Juwanna Mann, Brandis in Ladybugs sort of things (I checked that too). Just an odd coincidence. Permit me, however, to imagine the pettite and incomparable Eva Longoria suiting up at third for the Devil Rays. Obviously her range factor would be non-existent in those heels and that short little tennis skirt she'd wear in the field, but the complete neutralization of left-handed batters is probably worth it. And for the right-handed batters maybe suit up some sexy young guy in board shorts at first. Righties are notorious bummers as proven by scientific fact (insert bisexual-switch hitter joke HERE). I'm completely convinced this is a good idea. Give Eva a low cut jersey with a pushup bra (she's not just pettite in height, unfortunately) and put a dolled-up Tony Parker in the front row behind the plate and you've got some Devil Rays games that I would watch. Additional gratuitous Eva pictures (from Maxim so I'm assuming SFW unless you work in a school and/or nunnery or you just don't want to be the pervert looking up Maxim pictures at work. Trust me, after the first few weeks it's old news and they stop talking about it behind your back.)

Devil Rays Related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Sorry can't come up with something. I'm still thinking about Eva Longoria.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Minnesota Twins

Quick Tigers thought: The Tigers have the 2004 Florida Marlins written all over them, right down to the crusty, old manager with lungs blacker than freshly laid tar.

THE MINNESOTA TWINS

Pitching: Keep an eye on a developing ace in the Twins organization. His name is Johan Santana and he's got decent stuff. Methinks he has the potential to eat up some innings for the Twins this year. He better have success, because the next five guys battling for the remaining four spots in the rotation had a combined 2006 record of 36-48.

Hitting: The Twinkies return the AL MVP (Morneau) and the best hitting catcher in the game (Mauer). They don't seem to have any intention of having these two talented hitters batting next to each other, a move most teams would call a no-brainer. You put your best two hitters at the 3-4 spots in the lineup, right? Not the Twins. They've decided to split them up, interjecting the middle of the order with the serviceable Michael Cuddyer. Before you question that decision, be reminded of two things: 1) Last year, Cuddyer hit 24 homeruns with 106 RBI and 102 runs scored. 2) The Twins won their division with the same strategy. So, I guess we'll let them go against the grain on this one.

One more note on their hitting. Any organization who includes a J. Bartlett on their team is all right in my book.

Miscellaneous: Boof Bonser is engaged to an old friend from my sophomore year of college, herein referred to as JC. We got along great, and under different circumstances, something definitely could have developed. My overwhelming loyalty to my at-the-time girlfriend put me in a position where I felt bad for liking JC as much as I did and lost contact with her perhaps one year after our friendship began. By the time I became single, we had lost touch and only recently did I realize we had a mutual very good friend. When I learned that he knew her, I got excited, only to be dejected by his revelation of her current situation. My point? I hate Boof Bonser.

Twins-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under on when I forget about JC dating a Major League Baseball pitcher: Roughly never.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL Central
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Detroit Tigers

From a young age I was taught to not let my personal life affect my professional life. But I've gone and done it. Illness and time constraints have forced my hand. Here's an abridged preview of the Detroit Tigers, or as I like to call them, the team that lost to the worst World Series Champion in history.

THE DETROIT TIGERS

Pitching: Their pitching was, hands down, the strength of their team last year and it will be again this year. There are some questions however. Can Kenny Rogers continue to be effective at the age of 42? Also, can he be effective without smearing the ball with pine tar and peanut butter? Will Justin Verlander suffer a sophomore slump after throwing the most innings of his young career last year? Is Jeremy Bonderman ready to accept his place as one of the best pitchers in the American League? Speaking of Bonderman there's a great passage in Michael Lewis' book Moneyball where Billy Beane throws a chair against a wall when he finds out the Athletics took Bonderman with the 26th overall pick in 2001. Beane hated drafting high school pitchers. Later that year they sent him to Detroit in a deal that eventually netted them Ted Lilly. YEESH. Bullpen: As long as Joel Zumaya is kept away from guitar-themed video games and Todd Jones isn't too preoccupied as the vice-president of Associated Bio-Engineers & Consultants they'll be golden.

Hitting: The Good: Carlos Guillen, Magglio Ordonez, Gary Sheffield, The Bad: Sean Casey, The Ugly: America Ferrera. Note on Sheffield: I say we put him in a room with Brian Cashman and tell him that we'll be back in a few hours and he can do whatever he wants without reprecussions. Does he just beat him mercilessly or does he murder him? That's a tough question. Everytime I talk myself into one answer I start second-guessing myself.

Miscellaneous: Mike Maroth is set to start the season as the number five starter. Maroth lost 21 games in 2003 for the historically bad, 119-loss team. Simply amazing. Ignominious stats like losses and strikeouts (for batters) are funny things. A player with a lot of either has performed poorly, but to his credit he was allowed to perform long enough to amass such a quantity. Either way Maroth is a pretty good option for a number five.

Tigers-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Number of times Sheffield gets approached by NAMBLA to be their celebrity sponsor simply by virtue of his shady quasi-moustache: three.


Previous Previews

American League

AL Central
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

National League

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Chicago White Sox

Quick Indians thought: Grady Sizemore is my favorite non-Red Sox related player.

THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX

Pitching: The ChiSox have four big names loaded with a lot of talent. Names and talent, however, don't win on their own. Jose Contreras, Mark Beuhrle, Javier Vazquez, and Jon Garland are all capable of winning 15 games, but only Garland pulled it off, and even he stunk up the 2nd half of the season while posting a season long 4.51 ERA and getting bombed this spring. This is all my roundabout way of saying I don't know what to expect from these four potential aces, but if forced into a corner, we're looking at several 12-11 seasons.

The bullpen has two guys with closing experience, both of whom have great heat and good stuff. They can also be wild. They also both have the potential to have their arms fly into the 3rd base dugout after it snaps off at the shoulder. I mention this because they'll need both of these guys healthy, as no one else in that pen can pitch in the late innings. As long as these guys can go in the 8th and 9th, Chicago should be all right. But as soon as one of Thornton, Aardsma, or Masset is forced to strand the tying run on third base with one out in the eight, this team will have problems.

Hitting: I can't think of ten better lineups, so it looks like they make the top 10. Speed with a healthy Scotty Pods, smarts with veteran Darren Erstat, power with musclemen Jim Thome and Paul Konerko, clear the bases potential with Jermaine Dye, a jerk catcher who hits .300 and pumps up his teammates, and then a bottom third of the order that has exactly the positions you want at the bottom third - 2B, 3B, and SS. And Iguchi and Crede aren't even that bad of hitters.

Miscellaneous: Am I the only one that is infuriated by David Aardsma's existence in Major League Baseball? I mean, HIS name is going to appear before Henry Aaron's in the baseball encyclopedia? Really? Aardsma?

White Sox-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Line on the date when someone gets angry with the antics of manager Ozzie Guillen: Right now.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Cleveland Indians

THE CLEVELAND INDIANS


Pitching: At the age of 25, C.C. Sabathia enjoyed his finest season as a professional last year, striking out 172 and posted a 139 ERA+. It's too bad he's an oblique strain waiting to happen. Just watch, when his fat ass rolls off the mound to field a bunt he'll do something to land himself on the DL. Somehow, Sabathia is listed at 6'5", 250 lbs. If he's only 250 then I'm the idiot that paid $500,000 for Anna Nicole Smith's diaries. The remainder of the rotation is pretty solid with 24-year-old Jeremy Sowers holding down the fifth spot in the rotation. Sowers pitched well in 88 innings last year starting 14 games with 2 complete game shutouts but only striking out 35. Bullpen: It will cost them more wins than the average bullpen this season, I guarantee it.

Hitting: Very, very good - Travis Hafner, Grady Sizemore, and Victor Martinez. Pound for pound, Hafner is the most dangerous hitter in the AL right now and Sizemore is a lock for 30-30 and the Derek Jeter of the Midwest. Potential superstar third baseman Andy Marte will be just 23-years-old this season and was the reason they could trade Kevin Kouzmanoff, a guy that hit .389 in Double A last year, to San Diego for Josh Barfield. AND they have Trot Nixon. What's not to like? Quick note on Josh Barfield: his father, Jesse, was in the original RBI baseball which begs the question how many players featured in RBI baseball have offspring who now play in the majors? I came up with Cecil Fielder then got distracted when I google imaged him. Baseball has never seen a bigger ass. One year, Alam Trammell got caught in it's orbit and had to spend 60 days on the DL.

Miscellaneous: I'm tired of the Big Papi-Shrek comparisons. He looks nothing like Shrek and frankly I think it's a bit of a subconsciously racist association. Who really does look like Shrek is Travis Hafner. Look at the facial similarities, they're remarkable. Plus he has the ogrish nickname of "Pronk."

Indians-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on number of all-you-can-eat enchilada places C.C. Sabathia eats out of business: seven and a half.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Kansas City Royals

Quick Athletics thought: I have none. But in regards to the DH...get rid of it.

THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS

Pitching: Well, the Royals finally broke the bank and spent ace money on a pitcher to anchor their staff. The problem is, that ace is now wildly overpaid Gil Meche. The man is a third starter tops. The problem is, he is undoubtedly the ace of that staff. Each pitcher after him wouldn't be a lock on any other rotation in baseball.

In the bullpen, Octavio Dotel is putting together a nice little run in the preseason as the team's closer. After that, the bullpen has nothing to be proud of. The only reason they won't lead the league in blown saves is because they won't have any leads to blow.

Hitting: The Royals' perpetual putridity in every facet of the game continues. You know what? I'm not even going to get into it. I'm just going to give you their lineup and you can think of the rest.

1. David DeJesus CF
2. Mark Grudzielanek 2B
3. Mark Teahen RF
4. Mike Sweeney DH
5. Ryan Shealy 1B
6. Alex Gordon 3B
7. Emil Brown LF
8. Jason LaRue C
9. Angel Berroa SS

Miscellaneous: You know how practically every fan can talk themselves into thinking this is the year they make the playoffs or win the championship? I really want to know: Do Royals fans do this? Can they possibly convince themselves that their team has a shot at 88-90 wins?

Royals-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under on when Kansas City fans ignore Royals and start to talk Chiefs: April 21


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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Oakland Athletics

THE OAKLAND ATHLETICS

Pitching: I was going to make a "If Rich Harden's arm doesn't hold up he could always go by Dick Harden and start directing pornography" joke but I feel like I've read it in print before. It's like Bill Simmons has invaded my subconscious and planted an irreverence tree. But speaking of Harden, he's very good (at baseball, not directing pornography). Technically speaking, he can throw the ball very, very fast. Faster than even me (I'm more of a finesse guy anyway). Playing in the cavernous ballpark that made Barry Zito a hundred-millionaire, Rich Harden could win the Cy Young this year (provided Johan Santana has kidney failure in May). I must emphasize the word "COULD" because Rich Harden is coming off two straight injury-plagued seasons and that is worrisome for a guy of his average-size frame (6'1", 180) who throws 98 mph with consistency. Last year he had a ligament strain in his throwing elbow which limited him to only 46 innings. Harden has said that his changeup was the pitch that lead to the injury and he'll be more careful with it this year, but I'm skeptical he'll stay healthy all season. But his K/9 this spring is 16.5 and he's been lights out so what the hell do I know. As for the rest: Dan Haren, Huston Street, and Justin Duchscherer are good but for the Athletics to overcome their anemic offense they must have a full, healthy, productive season out of Harden.

Hitting: Remember when Eric Chavez went in the first three rounds of a fantasy draft? It was a simpler time back then. Before "24" was a smash hit and before the kids starting using the myspace and watching the youtube. Now he's the 14th ranked third baseman in Yahoo. Whether it's a function of the wealth of quality third basemen or the perception of Chavez's decline, I don't know. Chavez will be only 29 this season and while he still has trouble hitting lefties, his walk totals are trending upwards and he should slug between .450 and .500. For those of you who are reading this, it is for you to decide if this is sound baseball analysis or a clever ruse to up his trade value so I can pawn him off on somebody. Listen to me, Eric, I need a big April from you. As for the rest, Mike Piazza finally gets to be what he's always truly been, a designated hitter. It's like a middle-aged divorced man finally taking that vacation to Fire Island he fantasized about. No need to fantasize any longer, Mike. I just wish you would have stopped lying to yourself years ago. I mean, with that moustache? It practically screams DH. And I'm not a DH-phobe. Big Papi is a DH and he's one of my favorite players. I love DHs (but not in that way). I'm just saying that you fit the stereotypical profile of a designated hitter. Not that there's anything wrong with that or anything.

Miscellaneous: Oakland fans, if you want fans of other teams to take you seriously 1) get a haircut. When I was at Game 3 of the Sox-A's ALDS in 2003 there was a long-haired A's fan sitting near my section. He looked like a half-as-tall Barry Zito. You're an Athletics fan in Fenway Park. You already appear soft. Nothing makes you look like more of a douchebag than your hippy haircut and your "I'm about to cry" eyes as you're escorted out of your section by policemen in the fourth inning because the home fans were relentlessly hounding you. Go listen to Radiohead, asshole. 2) Petition your team to trash the white shoes. They're hideous, almost like orthopedic shoes that special kids wear. You have two options: get some black spikes and wear them like men or trade in your luxury team bus for the short bus with the padded windows.

Athletics-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on number of times I vomit at the unsightliness of McAfee Coliseum: every time I see it's disgusting, empty green seats on the Sportscenter highlights.


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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Los Angeles Angels

Quick Rangers thought: They stink.

THE LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA ANGELS OF ANAHEIM CALIFORNIA

Pitching: Solid pitching is the solid engine for this solid team. John Lackey is one the most underrated pitchers in baseball. He eats up innings. He strikes guys out. He keeps you in ball games. His 13-11 record last year does him no justice. You throw 217 innings with a 3.56 ERA in the American League, you're a very good pitcher. The rest of the rotation rounds out nicely. Bartolo Colon is injured, but is on pace to be back within a couple months. Santana seems poised to improve on a season that saw him going 16-8. Kelvim Escobar finished with a 3.61 ERA and a 3 to 1 K/BB ratio. And, of course, young future superstud Jered Weaver is expected to overcome a bicep injury and be ready to go by May. Each of these pitchers has the ability to be a #2 starter. Again, this is a solid rotation.

Their bullpen is anchored by a top five closer in Francisco Rodriguez and two sub 3 ERA set up men in Scott Shields and Justin Speier. The loss of Brendan Donnelly to Boston is unfortunate, but bullpen was an area where they could afford to lose personnel. Significantly, they are one of the few teams in the sport that could boast such a quality. This is a solid bullpen.

Hitting: This lineup, though top heavy, will be able to put up enough runs to win a lot of games for the aforementioned pitchers. Chone Figgins provides loads of speed at the top. Howie Kendrick is an up-and-coming high average hitter who can help set the table for uber-star Vlad Guerrero. The lineup then heads down hill from great to adequate, when we see the likes of Gary Mathews Hgh., Garret Anderson's father, and model citizen Shea Hillenbrand. They give way to an anemic bottom third of the order consisting of Casey Kotchman, Mike Napoli, and the high-five-human-highlight-real Orlando Cabrera. Luckily for the Angels of Anaheim, they won't have to score nearly as many runs as say, Seattle and Texas, to win ballgames.

Miscellaneous: If I were to have you rank the top 5 managers of the 21st century, would not Mike Scioscia be one of the two locks on the list with Joe Torre?

Angels-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under - Pounds over 200 that Bartolo Colon will end up being before his career is over: 100


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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Texas Rangers

Well, it's the Rangers preview and I'm feeling cheeky. Here goes...

THE TEXAS RANGERS

Pitching: How Kevin Millwood and Vicente Padilla won 31 combined games last year is beyond me. Neither are terrible pitchers but neither are great ones. And this is the bedrock of pitching staff that plays in a bandbox ballpark. No thank you. They're followed by Brandom McCarthy, a 23-year-old with one and a half years of major league experience who was quizzically traded to them this offseason from the Chicago White Sox, and the Robinson Tejeda/Bruce Chen/Kameron Loe/Jamey Wright four-headed monster at the back end of the rotation. Somewhere it's written that if Bruce Chen is logging innings for you it's time to pack it in for the season. I should know. Yes, I know the Red Sox made the ALCS that year, but sometimes jokes are allowed to supercede actual fact. Bullpen: The Eric Gagne experiment is underway and as fascinating as ever. Why a team like Texas would spend $6 million on a risky closer when they had a perfectly capable guy already and a rotation desperately in need of help at the back end is frankly none of my business so I'm going to stay out of it. Oh, and woman-beating, chair-throwing, Zen master Frank Francisco is still hanging around waiting for a female fan to enrage him sufficiently. An exercise in logic: Let's take as given that only professional wrestlers hit people with folding chairs and that all professional wrestlers are on steroids. If Frank Francisco threw a folding chair then it follows logically that Frank Francisco is a professional wrestler who is on steroids and should be suspended. You're welcome, Mr. Selig (note that THIS came up under a google image search for Bud Selig. Does that make Gene Orza Dudley Do-Right?)

Hitting: Instead of even pretending to properly address their hitting, I'm just going to rail on Texas for trading Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez for Adam Eaton some more. What a horrible deal. The Rangers could have Young as their number 2 right now with Gonzalez DH'ing instead of overpaying Vicente Padilla and playing Russian roulette with Frank Catalanotto and Sammy Sosa. And speaking of Sosa, at some point this season two third of the Rangers outfield could be Kenny Lofton and Slammin' Sammy. Get Jon Daniels on the phone, I want to tell him it's not 1998. Oh, and the third third is Brad Wilkerson. This could be the least potent outfield in the American League even with Sammy's elephantine supply of HGH. Bright spots: Michael Young and Mark Teixeira are still Studly Studlersons. Semi-bright spots: 26-year-old Nelson Cruz will probably start the season in right field and 25-year-old Ian Kinsler is starting his second full season as the Rangers second baseman. Not-bright-at-all spot: Hank Blalock continues to descend into fantasy baseball irrelevance.

Miscellaneous: I don't think I would call the Rangers front office stupid, persay. They do a great job of player development, their entire infield is homegrown and they've churned out some pretty solid pitching prospects. But when it comes to making trades or decisions on the free agent market they're pretty f**king stupid. It's like Rain Man. He can count cards like a champion but ask him to talk to a waitress and he stares at his shoes and fidgets. Only Rain Man would pay the richest franchise in baseball, the Yankees, to take A-Rod off their hands and manage to only get a few seasons of Alfonso Soriano and Brad Wilkerson out of it. Think about it: Tom Hicks is responsible for $21 million of A-Rod's salary over the next three years. He could have bought a whole bunch of cowboy hats with that money.

Rangers-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: N/A, they suck too much.


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