Sweet Sassy Molassy, it's here!! The beginning of our prelude to the 2007 MLB Season: THE GREATEST BASEBALL PREVIEW IN AMERICA. All 30 teams in 31 days (ostensibly) in ascending order by division (West to East) and league (NL to AL). Today we start with a team that tied for last place in the NL West:
THE ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Pitching: As if the state of Arizona didn't have enough curmudgeonly retirees, Randy Johnson brought his nasty, ugly, 43-year-old ass back to the Diamondbacks during the offseason. Despite Johnson's pedestrian numbers last year with the Yankees, he should be a shot in the arm for a lackluster Diamondbacks rotation in the pitcher-friendly NL West. And there's that guy in Arizona who proved to be the best pitcher in the National League last year: Brandon Webb. Before last season I bet Ian $20 that Webb would win 20 games. Well he didn't, but he did co-lead the NL in wins and win the Cy Young Award which I used as justification for not paying up. The rotation is rounded out by Doug Davis and Livan Hernandez, who will prove to be more than suitable three and four starters, and a player to be named later (probably Edgar G. Gonzalez). As for their bullpen, they have Jorge Julio and Jose Valverde as closer candidates with Brandon Lyon lurking about and a bunch of other guys under 30. Could be better but could be worse.
Hitting: Speaking of youth, this team is an obsessive parent-coach and a Gatorade cooler away from playing in Williamsport. Aside from Eric Byrnes (31) and Orlando Hudson (29) they have no other regulars older than 26. Lots of young talent means lots of up and down production this season. Look for Chad Tracy to again top 20 homeruns and Conor Jackson to join him. Stephen Drew (younger brother and fellow Boras-infected cash-grubber to J.D.) will probably improve on his numbers from 59 games last year (slightly lower BA, slightly higher OBP) and scouts are raving about rookie Chris Young, who is set to start in centerfield, as the best young player on a team full of good young players. Overall, don't expect great or even very good production on the whole but law of averages says at least some of these guys will take promising steps forward.
Miscellaneous: Note on Livan Hernandez: Does anyone believe he's only 31 years old? If he's 31 then I'm 14, Miguel Tejada doesn't have Down Syndrome, and the Hamburglar is the noble Robin Hood of McDonaldland. Unfortunuately I'm 22, Tejada's a Downie, and the Hamburglar is a ruthless burger-addicted thug who envelopes all those who enjoy delicious hamburger Happy Meals in a prism of fear. STOP TERRORIZING OUR YOUTHS, HAMBURGLAR.
Diamondback-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: The line for when Randy Johnson finally admits he's first cousins with Jeff Foxworthy's is set at June 22nd. He's been itching to get this off his chest since that "You Might Be a Redneck" album came out back in 1993 so I'd take the under here.
Tomorrow, Ian tackles the Colorado Rockies.
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