Football Friday: Week 10

Through nine weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 22-14.......... -- ..............4-0
Saj 19-17............ 3 ..............3-1

Same shit, different toilet. I'll catch you, you son of a bitch. Your games:

Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants (Sunday, 4:15pm)
Atlanta Falcons at Carolina Panthers (Sunday, 1:00pm)
Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday, 1:00pm)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Tennessee Titans (Sunday, 1:00pm)

Football Friday: Week 9

Through eight weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 18-14.......... -- ..............2-2
Saj 16-16........... 2 .............3-1


You shaved another game. And your beard. Is there nothing I do better than you anymore?

Your games for the week:

Cincinatti Bengals at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints (Sunday, 1:00)
San Francisco 49ers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)
Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)


Wait a second. Are you saying that your beard is better than mine? Is that what you're saying? Because from what you wrote, I think that's what you're saying. You know, I wasn't going to do this, but...

New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts (Sunday, 4:15)

Sit on that. And these:

Green Bay Packers at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Carolina Panthers at Tennessee Titans (Sunday, 1:00)
Denver Broncos at Detroit Lions (Sunday, 1:00)


Did you try and get back at me by giving me one of the easiest games of the week? You work in mysterious ways... just like your fictional God. Yeah, I went there. This blog is crazy!

Green Bay @ Kansas City: Both of these teams are overachievers... but one is overachieving more. Pick: Green Bay

Carolina @ Tennessee: NFL picking 101: The NFC team with the inferior record and talent goes on the road. Pick: Tennessee

Denver @ Detroit: It's very disconcerting to have the Broncos as a bad team. For what seems like twenty years, they've been contenders. Admittedly, I was slow this year to discount them from the batch of contenders and I have picked them too many times. I am not making that mistake again. Week 9 has arrived, and Denver is a bad football team. On a side note, hats off to the Detroit Lions for overachieving to this point. That's a team I don't mind seeing success strike. Pick: Detroit

New England @ Indianapolis: I can't write rationally about this game. It's the biggest regular season NFL game I can remember and my favorite team is involved. I cannot be objective. So, with that caveat: The Pats are ridiculously great. Since Week 1 I've been calling an undefeated season. So how, then, could I pick the Colts this weekend? I cannot. Nor do I wish to. Nor should I. Nor should anyone. Pick: PATS!!!!

Cincinatti Bengals at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)

True story, Marshawn Lynch loves eating at Applebee's. You have to admire a man whose willing to admit that. BILLS

Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints (Sunday, 1:00)

JAGUARS


San Francisco 49ers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)

FALCONS

Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)

TEXANS

Football Friday: Week 8

Through seven weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 16-12.......... -- ..............2-2
Saj 13-15........... 3 .............2-2

Still within striking distance...

Your games:

Browns at Rams (Sunday, 1:00)
Lions at Bears (Sunday, 1:00)
Eagles at Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
Packers at Broncos (Monday, 8:30)


If by "within striking distance," you meant "false hope," then you'd be correct.

Yours:

Buffalo Bills at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Sunday, 1:00)
New York Giants at London Dolphins (Sunday, 6:00 GMT)
New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers (Sunday, 4:15)


Buffalo Bills at New York Jets

I just don't think I can convince myself to take Chad Penningt0n on the road. Or at home. Even against the Bills. Whatever happens in this game it won't change the fact that 'Mangenius' is getting trashed in the locker room. In general I wish Mangini only success. But not as long as he's the Jets coach. I want to see him mangle the season, lose his job, get hired by the Falcons, and lead them to a 2009 Superbowl win over Herm Edwards' Kansas City Chiefs. If that happens, Jets' fan and roommate Rob would commit suicide. Between the Jets continued decline into suckitude and the pitching-poor Mets having to choose between signing Kyle Lohse and Carlos Silva this offseason I think the borough of Queens is going to implode. By the way, even money says Joel Pineiro or Jeff Weaver is starting the Mets' third game of the season. BILLS

Jacksonville Jaguars at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I never thought I'd say this, but the injury and subsequent loss of David Garrard will be the difference in a professional football game. Weird, right? And as if we needed anymore evidence of how much every non-Patriots, non-Colts team in the NFL sucks the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were 4-12 last year, will win the NFC South with Earnest Graham as their starting tailback. Even weirder. BUCCANEERS

New York Giants at London Dolphins

Really? What can I really say about a game where Cleo Lemon has to face the best pass-rush in football? I mean, I could speculate on when exactly Osi Umenyiora (sp?) and Antonio Pierce snap Lemon's neck like a chicken bone but I'm not one for speculating. Some points: 1) Nice touch with the Greenwich Mean Time. And 2) Did you hear about the giant statue of Jason Taylor in Trafalgar Square? The ghost of Horatio Nelson must be really, really pissed off. I think the Giants will win this game handily, but the real winner is the people of London. I mean, even a 26-foot tall animatronic Jason Taylor must be damn cute. GIANTS

New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers

If Drew Brees doesn't throw the ball to Marques Colston I will be very upset. And you won't like when I'm upset. SAINTS


Cleveland @ St. Louis: The Rams and Dolphins are racing to the #1 pick, though since I don't follow amateur sports too closely, I don't know who that's going to be. The possible returns of Stephen Jackson and Marc Bulger could ruin top-pick potential for St. Louis. I'm not sure homefield will mean much for the rest of the year for the Rams, and at some point, when the fans are openly rooting against them, homefield could have a negative impact. The Browns are not that good... but they're better than the worst. Pick: Cleveland

Detroit @ Chicago: Pass-based dome team in a cold, windy city. Hmmmm... Pick: Chicago

Philadelphia @ Minnesota: I'm starting to realize you gave me the most boring games possible. Yikes. What does someone say about Eagles-Vikings? They are too utterly mediocre teams with no upside or downside. They're locks to be betweeen 6 and 8 wins. So I'll take the home team. Pick: Minnesota

Green Bay @ Denver: This Monday Night Football game will be on at the same time as a potential Game 5 of the World Series. It's going to be a sad, sad Tuesday morning in Colorado. Pick: Green Bay

Football Friday: Week 7

Through six weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 14-10.......... -- ..............2-2
Saj 11-13........... 3 .............2-2

Man, last week was such a terrible week for me. Nice week for you, though.

Your games:

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans (Sunday, 1:00)
Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:05)
Chicago Bears at Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday, 4:15)
Indianapolis Colts at Jacksonville Jaguars (Monday, 8:30)

Yes. Terrible, terrible week for Jimmy the Greek over there. I'm coming back up in this shit like J-Lo.

Yours:

New York Jets at Cincinnati Bengals
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Detroit Lions
Baltimore Ravens at Buffalo Bills
Minnesota Vikings at Dallas Cowboys


New York Jets @ Cincinnati Bengals: Is it safe to say that these were the two most overrated teams in football coming into the season? I think it's safe to say that. Many picked these teams to go to the playoffs. A majority of prognosticators picked them to finish second in their respective divisions. Their head coaches were lauded for their success reshaping the franchises. But now? No playoffs for either team. They're in the bottom two of their divisions. Thought, to be fair, the Jets, at 1-5, are only a half game back of second place. (Can I mention something else here? Is anyone paying attention to the AFC East Standings? The Patriots, after six weeks, have five more wins than the second place team. Doesn't this have to be a record after six weeks? I mean, the Pats could clinch their division by Week TEN, which also has to be some kind of record. Why is no one talking about this?) And, of course, these coaches are heavily criticized, from Eric Mangini's bungling of CameraGate which has made the entire league hate him, to Marvin Lewis apparently forgetting he's a defensive-minded head coach. Not a good job by these two one-win teams and coaches. I guess I'll go with the home team on this one. Pick: Cincinnati

Tampa Bay @ Detroit: This is a pretty important game for this early in the season. The Bucs, at 4-2, sit tied with Carolina atop the NFC South. The Lions, at 3-2, might be contenders, but are on the precipice of devolving back into the pack of also-rans. Which will happen? The latter. In fact, it's already begun. Detroit is 1-2 in its last three games. Pick: Tampa Bay

Baltimore @ Buffalo: I am of the sort that thinks Baltimore is not terribly good. They are not a championship contender. Their vaunted defense is a shell of its former dominant self that became so popular in the early part of this decade/century/millennium. But this is the Buffalo Bills. At least Baltimore can do a little something something on both sides of the football. Pick: Baltimore

Minnesota @ Dallas: The Cowboys' shellacking at the hand of the New England Patriots were the best thing that could have happened to the guys from the Big D. Without a match up against a quality team early in the season, Dallas would have coasted through the season with undefeated big heads who would have no idea the kind of talent it takes to win the whole thing. The Pats' slap in their face, however, brought them back to reality. Now they know, and I expect them to become a better team because of what happened last Sunday, and they'll make a run to the NFC Championship game. Pick: Dallas

Picking Dallas? After Adrian Peterson pulled a Walter Payton on the Bears last week? Interesting...

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans

Vince Young should be starting despite a strained right quadricep (cue WebMD graphic... now) and that's bad news for the Texans. They love Vince Young in Texas. LOVE. A Houston native who won the Longhorns the national title over a higher ranked USC team, that legacy just doesn't disappear. Poor Texans. Not only are they second-fiddle to the Cowboys as professional franchise but they might be seventh or eighth fiddle to the glut of storied college and high school football programs in Texas. Anyway, long story short, purely for marketing reasons they should have drafted Young (or at least Bush) but they didn't. Also, the Titans gave up the most rushing yards per game last year and the Texans rank 29th in rushing yards per game so far this season. Something... has got... to give..... TITANS

WebMD sidenote: Thank God for the WebMD graphics. Last night, Fox showed me a perfectly healthy WebMD graphic guy for the purpose of telling me that Josh Beckett was not injured in any way shape or form. As my friend Jeff said to Chris Myers once at Fenway: "Hey Chris, Fox is ruining baseball"


Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders

You know what's funny about this game? If the Chiefs win, and with the San Diego bye week, they will be in sole possession of first place in the AFC West. I mean, wow. And if the Raiders win they will scare first place with the Chargers. I mean, wow wow. I'm glad I'm a Patriots fan. Speaking of Patriots, if I were to buy a Patriots jersey, which one do I buy? I was dead set on Maroney before the season but now I don't know. Ben Watson? Richard Seymour? Randy Moss?!?!? Maybe I should just go with the retro mid-90's Ben Coates or the even more retro mid-80's Irving Fryar. Or just get a custom number 12 jersey with "Model Fucker" on the back. I just don't know. RAIDERS


Chicago Bears at Philadelphia Eagles

Eagles at home? I'll take it! Sidenote: Brian Westbrook is fast. Faster than Adrian Peterson. I have no idea if that's true. EAGLES

Indianapolis Colts at Jacksonville Jaguars

You had to do this to me. I'm picking the Colts here, and for only one reason: When the Patriots play the Colts in week 9 I want both teams to be undefeated. And I want the Colts to lose by 106 points. Bill Belichick will make sure that happens. He will treat Week 9's game as the biggest game of his coaching career after last year's playoff loss. COLTS

Football Friday: Week 6

Standings after five weeks of riveting NFL action:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 12-8.......... -- ..............3-1
Saj 9-11........... 3 ..............2-2

Here are your Week 6 games:

Washington Redskins at Green Bay Packers
Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars
Tennessee Titans at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Miami Dolphins at Cleveland Browns


Order was restored last week, with our most common results once again having representation. Your games:

Cincinatti Bengals at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons (Monday, 8:30)


Cincinatti Bengals at Kansas City Chiefs

I was reading Peter King's fantasy football column today and he told me to pick up Cincinnati running back Kenny Watson. So I did. In both leagues. You heard right. I might start Kenny Watson in two separate leagues this week. Kenny Watson. Both leagues. I think I'm legally obligated to support the Bengals here. BENGALS

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets

J-E-T-S, SUCK SUCK SUCK!! There is very little I enjoy more than watching the Jets lose week in and week out. I believe the Germans call that "schadenfreude." Also, the longterm success of my fantasy team depends on Bryant Westbrook running for lots of yards and scoring lots of points. I believe the Germans call that "IhaveafantasyfootballcrushonBryantWestbrook." Crazy Germans and their made up words. EAGLES

Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals

Just when you think Matt Leinart might suffer the indignity of losing his job to a 36-year-old Kurt Warner, the lucky bastard goes and breaks his collarbone. Leinart, you son of a bitch. While you're having a pain-killer fueled orgy with the Hilton sisters and Hayley Duff I hope you're at least sorta thinking about your teammates suffering through three hours of poorly executed football. CARDINALS

New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons

You never really know what will happen with this Giants team. One week you pick them to win and they lose and the next week you pick them to lose and they win. You just never really know. Except for this week. They will win. The Plaxico/D'Angelo Hall matchup should be fun to watch. And fingers crossed for Brandon Jacobs to bulldoze the Falcons defense for 200 yards and three scores (fantasy implications). GIANTS


With four 1:00 games, my fate will be decided before the Dallas-New England showdown (Pats by 17, by the way).

Washington @ Green Bay: Sooooo, it turns out the Packers don't have a running game and everyone knows it now. And an aged Brett Favre is not good enough to play well against a defense that knows he has to throw. Favre hasn't been that good since the 90's. The Redskins, meanwhile, are turning into a solid NFC team, perhaps the third best team in the conference. Pick: Washington

Houston @ Jacksonville: It's clear that Houston is not the same team without Andre Johnson. On the subject... Andre Johnson is out for Week 6. Pick: Jacksonville

Tennessee @ Tampa Bay: A battle of conference mid-tier teams. You know what that means! Go with the AFC team. Pick: Tennessee

Miami @ Cleveland: Cleo Lemon, leading an 0-5 Miami Dolphins team on the road, against an underrated Cleveland Browns team that's 2-1 at home. Ladies and gentlemen, the Browns are about to be .500 heading into Week 7, which is a bye week, and then they go and play a winless St. Louis team in Week 8. We could be looking at a 4-3 Browns team for the first time since what I can only assume was Bernie Kosar leaning over center. But first, they need a win at home against the Fins. Pick: Cleveland

Football Friday: Week 4

Standings after three weeks:

Standings.....GB
Ian 9-3.......... --
Saj 4-8.......... 5

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Oakland pulls the old switch-a-roo on Phil Dawson, Joe Gibbs and Jason Campbell completely f**k up an otherwise awesome two minute drill, and somehow Nate Burleson catches a football thrown to him. I mean come on. Admit it, Ian. The God you don't believe in loves you. F**king loves you. Here are your games:

Chicago Bears at Detroit Lions
Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants

Gamesmanship, Ian. Giving YOU the Giants this time.


You're lucky. My respect for gamesmanship nullifies my disrespect for you. Your games:

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
New York Jets at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)
Houston Texans at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)
Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns (Sunday, 1:00)

I had a very difficult time finding a 3rd and 4th challenging game, so I just decided to have some fun and go with all 1:00 games. You potentially being 4-0 by 4:30 could put the pressure on me to win in the afternoon and night, but you being 1-3 (again) means I could continue squeezing the life out of you. Good times.


Green Bay at Minnesota

How about them Packers, huh? True fantasy football draft story: In the 9th round of our draft I had yet to pick a quarterback (effectively punting the position) and I turn to Ian and I say, "should I grab a QB here?" And he says, "you should have grabbed a QB four rounds ago. Yes, draft a QB." So instead I draft Devery Henderson. Yes, Devery Henderson. The draft snakes: Kitna, Roethlisberger, and Alex Smith all fall off the board and I draft Brett Favre. I'm not sure if I can truly explain how it feels when "I should have drafted Jon Kitna" is how you describe your fantasy football draft. I don't think the words exist in the English language. And since I don't speak any other languages I just can't articulate the exact mixture of dread, self-pity, and confusion I was feeling. Long story short, Favre has been pretty good so far and there's a reason for hope in Camp Saj.

New York Jets at Buffalo

You know, it's really hard to read a team that just got whomped by the best team in America, especially when they lost their starting quarterback in the process, but I'm going to have to go with Buffalo here. The Bills will be at home, they have a solid defense, and, even with rookie Trent Edwards at quarterback, Marshawn Lynch should have a field day running against a Jets defense that gave up 200 yards to Ronnie Brown last week. I truly believe that Buffalo will win this game. I swear this is not a run-of-the-mill Saj anti-Jets pick. I swear.

Houston Texans at Atlanta Falcons

Put yourself in Matt Schaub's shoes for a second. Are you upset that the Vick stuff happened after you left for Houston? Or relieved? Sure there's some talent behind the ball in Atlanta, but the playbook had been written for a Michael Vick not a Matt Schaub. And, in Houston, you're breathing life into a franchise that never had any as part of a team that is basically all yours. Texans.

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns

To borrow a Simmons-ism: "Call me crazy, but I'm just not that excited for the Derek Anderson-era." I'm not saying Kyle Boller or Steve McNair are any better, but I am saying that Willis McGahee and Ed Reed are. To borrow a Madden-ism: "Playmakers. On both sides of the ball. Watch this... BOOM!" Sidenote: how fat is Romeo Crennel? Really fat, or really, really fat?


Going into last week, I was like, "Man, I can't possibly go 3-1 for a third consecutive week to start the season, can I? I mean, consistently getting 75% correct picks in the NFL when six to eight of the easiest games are always taken off the table is impossible, right?" But I'll be damned, I actually went 3-1 again. Did ya notice, Saj? Did ya?

But come on. I can't possibly go 3-1 AGAIN, can I?

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions: The division title is not changing hands this year. The Bears might play .500 football outside of the NFC North, but I don't think the Bears lose more than one division game all year. That includes against the rejuvinated Green Bay Packers, and it DEFINITELY includes the party-juvinated Detroit Lions. Pick: Chicago

Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins: Just one thought on this pathetic game: As the home team, the Miami Dolphins have the option of wearing their white jerseys. This leaves Oakland with their blacks. In Miami. In September. You'll be lucky to get three coherant quarters of a team that's untalented to begin with. Pick: Miami

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Carolina Panthers: Hey, these teams have been to Superbowls this century! And now they stink! Good times. Can we say enough about the Pats to be in the hunt every year for the last six? These two teams used to be premier and now I'm forced to pick between the lesser of who sucks less. When in doubt, go with the home team. Pick: Carolina

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants: Hey, another NFC divisional game! Thanks, Saj. I mean, it's such a good conference. What, you couldn't throw me an NFC West game, too? As for this one, I don't know many things, but I do know this: The Eagles are the NFC's closest version of the Patriots (good coaching, consistent effort, perennially contending in their conference), and the Giants are a bad football team. Pick: Philadelphia

Football Friday: Week 3

Standings after two weeks:

Standings.....GB
Ian 6-2.......... --
Saj 3-5.......... 3


I won't feel safe until Saj is at least 14.5 games back with three months to play. Because that kind of lead is insurmountable in sports.

Saj, good luck making up ground with these picks:

Miami Dolphins at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Giants at Washington Redskins(Sunday, 4:15)

The "luck", friend, will need to be good for YOU. Yes. You.

St. Louis Rams at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Sunday, 1:00)
Cincinnati Bengals at Seattle Seahawks (Sunday, 4:05)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Denver Broncos (Sunday, 4:05)
Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 4:15)


Miami Dolphins at New York Jets

I know what you're thinking, Ian. But I've learned a thing or two over the offseason- namely that it's okay to pick the Jets every once in a while. Roommate, and Jets' apologist, Rob is going to the game this weekend and he was excited because "they actually might win this one." Oh, to be a Jets fan. A year ago I would have opted to pick against the Jets with blatant disregard for whomever they're playing, but Rob's defeatist attitude has turned me, slightly. Think of this more as a sympathy nod than anything. Sympathy sidenote: No sympathy for Mangini when he goes 4-12 and loses the "Man-genius" title. Wake up, New York, the Jets scored 23 more points than they allowed last year. They're no good. But Miami is worse.
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs

Really? Kansas City is terrible. And Minnesota has the second coming of Tony Dorsett in Adrian Peterson. By the way, how much must it suck to be a Chiefs fan? Your franchise running back holds out all of training camp, the feel good story of the last few months (Priest Holmes) fails to make his comeback, you're 0-2 in competent quarterbacks, and HBO chose to profile you in training camp just before a 1-15 season. It's like watching the two months of a junkie's life before he goes on the 17 week bender that will leave his broken, emaciated carcass propped up against a dumpster in an alley.

Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders

Cleveland. I have a story to tell everyone. Ever since Derek Anderson's 5 touchdown performance Ian has been consistently trying to pawn him off on my in our fantasy league. And that's just insulting. Yes, I know my quarterbacks are Brett Favre and Kyle Boller. But still, shame on you, Ian. Shame on you.

New York Giants at Washington Redskins

Why do you keep doing this to me? For some reason I think the Giants are good. Maybe it's the uniforms. They do have nice ones. It's high time I realize that they aren't good. And Washington, somehow in someway, is better. If Brett Favre and Tony Romo can pick apart the Giants defense like they did then Jason Campbell will throw for 600 yards and 12 touchdowns this week. All to Santana Moss. And I will win my fantasy game by just starting him and no one else. So it has been said, so it shall be done.


I'll jump right into the picks after I say this: I successfull traded Derek Anderson today.

St. Louis Rams @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Two lousy teams here. As I foreshadowed last week, the Rams are clearly on their way down. This is the first time they opened 0-2 since Kurt Warner's squad tried to rebound from the Superbowl loss against New England. Do you think the Rams are starting to regret giving an enormous contract to a system quarterback who has a 54% completion rate after two games in St. Louis' dome? Now they go on the road. Not that the Bucs are any good, but at least they beat a talented New Orleans team last week. Pick: Tampa Bay

Cincinatti Bengals @ Seattle Seahawks: Two talented offensive teams, and the Bengals probably have the better offense. However, the Seahawks have two things going for them. One, they're playing in one of the more advantageous home fields in football. Two, they didn't give up 51 points to the Cleveland Browns. This postgame is loaded with "The Bengals have given up 90 points in the last two weeks" potential. Pick: Seattle

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Denver Broncos: Denver is without a doubt the luckiest team in football over the first two weeks...except for the Chargers and Jets, who are lucky the Patriots didn't beat them by 35 points each. I fully expect this to be a close game. And I fully expect the Broncos to once again come out on top. Pick: Denver

Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons: I'm sick of people trying to be optimistic about the Falcons. They're simply not that good, especially their offense, defense, and special teams. Stop picking them, everyone; even if they're at home. Word to the wise: wait until they win a game before picking Atlanta. Pick: Carolina

Week 2 Picks

First, standings after one week:

Standings.....GB
Ian 3-1.......... --
Saj 2-2.......... 1


Now to take that lead wire-to-wire. Saj isn't making it easy, this week giving me three very tough games.

Houston Texans @ Carolina Panthers: I rank this as the third toughest game to pick this week, though I'm truly divided. I'm very happy for Houston to start out with a win last week to energize a near dormant franchise, but let's remember it was against one of the few teams that's worse than them (Kansas City) and it was in Houston. Now they go visit a Panthers team that's coming off a hard fought win in St. Louis' dome. Simply, the Panthers beat the better team in Week 1 and this game is in Charlotte. Pick: Carolina

San Francisco 49ers @ St. Louis Rams: This is the second toughest game to pick. For the past half decade, this would have been a no-brainer, as the Niners have been mired in mediocrity while St. Louis is playing meaningful football every December and sometimes January. Throw in the fact that the Rams are at home, and it should be a gimme. Still, these two franchises are going in opposite directions. St. Louis is fulfilling the second half of the "what goes up" idiom, while San Francisco is putting together a talented young core with a competant head coach. Furthermore, the 49ers, coming off a win against Arizona to open the season, now have the opportunity to be the clear-cut #2 team in the NFC West. That's quite a motivator. Pick: San Francisco

Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions: And here's the crapshoot. I have no idea who will win this game, nor do I ever when these two teams play. Neither of them have been good this millenium. They're dome teams. They both have shaky quarterbacks, head coaches, and a terrible track record in big games. So when they play each other? It's like watching Cosmo Kramer and Rob Petry race through an obstacle course. (There's a strong chance many of you are too young to get that joke.) Anyway, time to fall back on the maxim. When in doubt, take the home team. Pick: Detroit

New York Jets @ Baltimore Ravens: Annnnd easy money. Another gift from Saj. Pick: Baltimore


Those are the games you're giving me? Seriously? This could legitimately be my first 4-0 week. I am very, VERY excited.

Green Bay Packers at New York Giants

I have Brett Favre on my fantasy team and even I'm not optimistic about him against a Giants team that gave up 45 points to Tony fucking Romo. GIANTS

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals

Really? No, seriously. Did you even watch last week's Cardinals - Niners game? HAWKS

Dallas Cowboys at Miami Dolphins

No. COWBOYS

Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles

Again. No. EAGLES

Football Friday: Week 2

Let's just call week one a tie.

Ian, your games:

Houston Texans at Carolina Panthers (Sunday, 1:00)
San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams (Sunday, 1:00)
Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Jets at Baltimore Ravens (Sunday, 4:15)

Au contraire, Saj, but week 1 was a perfect representation of last year. My 3-1 to your 2-2 was just like old times. I was overwhelmed with deja vu.

Let's see if you can break the pattern:

Green Bay Packers at New York Giants (Sunday, 1:00)
Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals (Sunday, 4:05)
Dallas Cowboys at Miami Dolphins (Sunday, 4:05)
Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles (Monday, 8:30)

You see I returned your act of gamesmanship by not giving you the Pats game.

FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL: Week 1

Back when Ian and I decided to institute a moratorium on posting for our crappy blog, in my mind we secretly decided to resurrect Football Friday when the time came. And since the season got off to a vomit-inducing, let's-all-jerk-off-to-Peyton-Manning start last night, I'd say the time has come.

Football Friday works like this: we give each other four games and we have to pick the outright winners. Simple. Ian, as you were the victor last year give me your best four from this weekend.


Yes, Saj, I was the victor. Just out of curiosity, what does that make you? Maybe this will help: Let's take a look at the final standings last season before we goofed around for Week 17.

Standings.... GB
Ian 28-20...... -- (winner)
Saj 21-27...... 7 (?????)

I just can't think of what goes there. Any ideas? Anyway, time to defend the crown. Here are your four games this weekend:

Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
Detroit Lions at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (Sunday, 8:15)
Baltimore Ravens at Cincinatti Bengals (Monday. 7:00)



Whatever, man. Whatever. For you:

Denver Broncos at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)
Miami Dolphins at Washington Redskins (Sunday, 1:00)
Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans (Sunday, 1:00)
Chicago Bears at San Diego Chargers (Sunday, 4:15)

TWO MEN ENTER. ONE MAN LEAVES!


I am walking out of this dome in 17 weeks. I just hope I'm still in one piece. Let's get this party started.

Denver @ Buffalo: Is anyone expecting Buffalo to be better this year? When was the last time they did something to improve their team? They drafted Losman when they had Bledsoe. They drafted McGahee when they had Travis Henry. They haven't been nearly as good since making those moves, and now Losman is a bottom tier starter and neither McGahee nor Henry are even on the roster. Tough year for the Bills coming up, especially playing in the Pats' and Jets' division. We're talking 4-5 wins. And this isn't one of them. Pick: Denver

Miami @ Washington: P.U. What's that smell? Oh, it's these two teams. I'm at a crossroads. This match up is a toss up, but it contradicts my two crossroads tendencies (1. When in doubt, go with the home team; 2. When in doubt, go with the AFC team). I gotta go Miami, if for no other reason than A) The weather is still warm, B) While these two teams break even as two poor defensive squads, the Dolphins are more talented on the offensive end, and C) Clinton Portis is on my fantasy team, and is therefore due to pull a hamstring early in the second quarter. Pick: Miami

Kansas City @ Houston: Man, that smell is REALLY getting strong now. Hey Saj, thanks for the worst game of the weekend. I say Matt Schaub and the steadily ascending Houston Texans are more excited to play football than the steadily declining Kansas City Chiefs. If the Texans win this game, it'll be the first time in franchise history that they'll be over .500. And I have no idea if that's true, as I did no research to back that up. Pick: Houston

Chicago @ San Diego: I've always counted you as a friend, Saj. You're a nice guy. This is how you prove it. An NFC team with a bad offense vs. a well rounded AFC team that has the best talent in the NFL. And oh yeah, the AFC team is hosting. Pick: San Diego

Go get 'em, pal. You're up.


Gonna be quick.

Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings
Tavaris Jackson vs. Joey Harrington. Not exactly Montana v. Elway. I'm going with the Falcons here for a number of reasons. 1) I flipped a coin. 2) Bobby Petrino sounds like the name of a race car driver. 3) Nothing heals the gaping wounds left open from the Vick saga like a W against a bunch of guys in purple who like taking cruises together.

Detroit Lions at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)
Nope. Not falling for it. I'm not going to talk myself into Daunte Culpepper. No way. But Jon Kitna, sure. I know that's irrational, but whatever. GO LIONS!

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (Sunday, 8:15)
Have you seen the new iPods? They're pretty awesome.

Baltimore Ravens at Cincinatti Bengals (Monday. 7:00)
Should I take all road teams? Maybe. Okay, I'm doing it. Cincinnati isn't that good. They really aren't. As yes this marks the second consecutive season where I have Steve McNair on my fantasy team. Next year, I'm just going to burn the money. Save myself the time.