The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Colorado Rockies

Very well done, Saj. Way to get us started on the right foot. It'll be interesting to see if the Webb-Johnson combo can bring the Diamondbacks out of the NL West cellar. Today, I'll examine the team that tied with Arizona for the worst record in the worst division in baseball. Translation: This team stinks worse than Bengie Molina after catching an August doubleheader in Texas with no deodorant.

THE COLORADO ROCKIES

Pitching: Pitchers and Coors Field go together like basketball hoops and peanut butter. In the fourteen years of the Rockies existence, Colorado has never finished lower than fifth in the National League in runs scored. The flipside, of course, is that the team has finished last in the league in ERA ten times, often by a wide margin. Their franchise leader in ERA, Aaron Cook, has a 4.58 career ERA. At one point, the Rockies spent 172 million dollars on Mike Hampton and Denny Neagle, two of the top pitchers in the National League. They went to Colorado and their careers tanked. The point? A team with Jeff Francis, Aaron Cook, Raul Lopez, Brian Lawrence and (wait for it) Byung-Hyun Kim probably won't keep the opposition from scoring runs. This team has about as good of a chance to finish in the top half of the league in ERA as Dennis Kucinich does to win the Democratic Primary. (For more Presidential Politics, click here.)

It's worth noting that the back of their bullpen isn't that bad. I can live with a final three of Jeremy Affeldt, Latroy Hawkins, and Brian Fuentes. Sure, they'll blow a lot of saves, but so would any decent bullpen that played 81 games in Denver. Mark me down for this being Colorado's greatest strength, other than being the home state of the city where beer flows like wine and beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.

Hitting: Gone are the days of Andres Galarraga, Dante Bichette, Vinny Castilla, and Larry Walker. Upon us are the days of Troy Tulowitzki, Chris Ianetta, Kazuo Matsui, and the artist formerly known as Todd Helton. And you know what? It won't matter. This team will still finish in the top half in batting average and home runs. But without good pitching, this team will lose a lot of 8-5 ballgames.

Speaking of for Kaz Matsui, he just might be the most overpaid player in baseball. Matsui, who spent time at the AAA level when it had nothing to do with an injury, made eight million dollars last year. Eight million dollars! Here’s a list of what I could do with eight million dollars:

#1. Everything

Miscellaneous: Throughout spring training, most of the invitees to Rockies training camp won't be able to tell the difference between their starting second baseman and their fifth starter. And they're not even from the same country.

Rockies-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under on the number of Colorado Rockies pitchers that will see a therapist by season's end: 10.5

Tomorrow, Saj returns with a preview of the third place NL West team: The San Francisco Giants. Thanks for spending part of your Friday with us. Hope to see you this weekend.


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Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Arizona Diamondbacks.

Sweet Sassy Molassy, it's here!! The beginning of our prelude to the 2007 MLB Season: THE GREATEST BASEBALL PREVIEW IN AMERICA. All 30 teams in 31 days (ostensibly) in ascending order by division (West to East) and league (NL to AL). Today we start with a team that tied for last place in the NL West:

THE ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

Pitching: As if the state of Arizona didn't have enough curmudgeonly retirees, Randy Johnson brought his nasty, ugly, 43-year-old ass back to the Diamondbacks during the offseason. Despite Johnson's pedestrian numbers last year with the Yankees, he should be a shot in the arm for a lackluster Diamondbacks rotation in the pitcher-friendly NL West. And there's that guy in Arizona who proved to be the best pitcher in the National League last year: Brandon Webb. Before last season I bet Ian $20 that Webb would win 20 games. Well he didn't, but he did co-lead the NL in wins and win the Cy Young Award which I used as justification for not paying up. The rotation is rounded out by Doug Davis and Livan Hernandez, who will prove to be more than suitable three and four starters, and a player to be named later (probably Edgar G. Gonzalez). As for their bullpen, they have Jorge Julio and Jose Valverde as closer candidates with Brandon Lyon lurking about and a bunch of other guys under 30. Could be better but could be worse.

Hitting: Speaking of youth, this team is an obsessive parent-coach and a Gatorade cooler away from playing in Williamsport. Aside from Eric Byrnes (31) and Orlando Hudson (29) they have no other regulars older than 26. Lots of young talent means lots of up and down production this season. Look for Chad Tracy to again top 20 homeruns and Conor Jackson to join him. Stephen Drew (younger brother and fellow Boras-infected cash-grubber to J.D.) will probably improve on his numbers from 59 games last year (slightly lower BA, slightly higher OBP) and scouts are raving about rookie Chris Young, who is set to start in centerfield, as the best young player on a team full of good young players. Overall, don't expect great or even very good production on the whole but law of averages says at least some of these guys will take promising steps forward.

Miscellaneous: Note on Livan Hernandez: Does anyone believe he's only 31 years old? If he's 31 then I'm 14, Miguel Tejada doesn't have Down Syndrome, and the Hamburglar is the noble Robin Hood of McDonaldland. Unfortunuately I'm 22, Tejada's a Downie, and the Hamburglar is a ruthless burger-addicted thug who envelopes all those who enjoy delicious hamburger Happy Meals in a prism of fear. STOP TERRORIZING OUR YOUTHS, HAMBURGLAR.

Diamondback-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: The line for when Randy Johnson finally admits he's first cousins with Jeff Foxworthy's is set at June 22nd. He's been itching to get this off his chest since that "You Might Be a Redneck" album came out back in 1993 so I'd take the under here.

Tomorrow, Ian tackles the Colorado Rockies.

Countdown to ATB Baseball Talk!

1 day until Saj and I start talking baseball.

You have an invitation to THE blog of the baseball season. The Greatest Baseball Preview in America* begins on March 1st. Thirty-one straight days of posts. Thirty teams followed by a leaguewide preview on Friday, March 31st. Season begins Sunday, April 2nd.

Be here for all of it.

Ambitious? Yes. Can we keep up the pace? We'll see. And speaking of former MLB All-stars who probably juiced:

Sometimes I don't really appreciate how much youtube has changed my life. And then I find a one minute video of Tony Batista unintentionally scaring the hell out of a Japanese pitcher on his trot to first base after getting hit by a pitch. Apparently the Japanese are scared of large black men with sumo-sized asses. I don't want this to be the second post in two days where I intentionally confuse Japanese people with Korean people, but this is like the scene at the end of Do the Right Thing when the Korean grocers think the angry mob that destroyed Sal's Pizzeria is going to turn on them. Race relations have come so far.

*Disclaimer: These posts will be overly ambitious and overly generous in the estimation of our abilities. Stay tuned.

Countdown to ATB Baseball Talk!

2 days until Saj and I start talking baseball.

You have an invitation to THE blog of the baseball season. The Greatest Baseball Preview in America* begins on March 1st. Thirty-one straight days of posts. Thirty teams followed by a leaguewide preview on Friday, March 31st. Season begins Sunday, April 2nd.

Be here for all of it.


Ladies and gentlemen: introducing my new favorite beer for the 2007 Major League Baseball season:



Daisuke Matsuzaka just supplanted Junichiro Koizumi as my favorite all-time Japanese male. The title of favorite Japanese female continues to be held by Korean Margaret Cho. BASEBALL'S A-COMIN'! (props to my friend Dan for the youtube link)





*Disclaimer: These posts will be overly ambitious and overly generous in the estimation of our abilities. Stay tuned.

Countdown to ATB Baseball Talk!

3 days until Saj and I start talking baseball.

You have an invitation to THE blog of the baseball season. The Greatest Baseball Preview in America* begins on March 1st. Thirty-one straight days of posts. Thirty teams followed by a leaguewide preview on Friday, March 31st. Season begins Sunday, April 2nd.

Be here for all of it.


Sure, Deadspin is doing it with more talented writers (NOTE: sometimes the word "talented" is loosely defined as "higher traffic") but go to hell Deadspin you snarky Perez Hilton of sports.


Saj, what in the name of Papi are you doing linking our readers to the competition? Now we'll never catch up to their hit-count. Popularity breeds popularity and it's because of people like you. Why don't you also link Wizbang Sports while you're at it? Just for that, YOU can can be the first to post on March 1st.


*Disclaimer: These posts will be overly ambitious and overly generous in the estimation of our abilities. Stay tuned.