NFL Week 15 Recap (and more)

Before the football, some quick hits: And by quick I mean Carmelo Anthony and by hits I mean bitch slaps. It's the holiday season and the only thing more cliche than an extended Christmas metaphor is a bullet-pointed rundown of the fallout from the Knicks-Nuggets holiday brawl (video.) I'd do a "Winners" and "Losers" thing but nobody ever wins when something like this happens. Except for the sports media and the cross-section of basketball and ultimate fighting fans (READ: males).

To begin, David Stern meted out some holiday justice in the form of 47 games worth of suspensions:

- Carmelo Anthony: Melo led the charge with a fifteen game suspension for his half punch, half bitch slap of Mardy Collins (it should have been an extra 10 for running away from Jared Jeffries). Honestly, it's like Carmelo Anthony is engaged in a character battle against himself. First he begins to emerge as one of the best players in the NBA, and makes that sick commercial with the tennis balls drill. Then he appears in a "stop snitching" video for a Baltimore drug dealer. Then he donates $1.5 million to build a Youth Center. And now this. Carmelo, you have to realize that you are too important to your team to be the one sucker-punching faceless rookies and getting suspended. Leave that s*** to Nene: a 15 games suspension for him means the Nuggets don't have to pay him.

- Nate Robinson: Lil' Nate got ten games and proved to be the most volatile guy on the court; getting is J.R. Smith's face after Smith was the one who was egregiously fouled. The suspension was more for the foxtrot he did with J.R. into a bunch of fans than the shoving and posturing. In Madison Square Garden those seats are expensive and those fans are important. Nate Robinson sidenote: watch how he thought twice about getting into it with Carmelo as Carmelo was retreating from an enraged Jared Jeffries. My money is probably on Nate in that contest. Once he gets inside Anthony's arms he could do some damage. He's a little ball of intensity with the short guy chip on his shoulder. It's just too bad we didn't find out.

- J.R. Smith: The real loser here. Ten games because he was bodyslammed by Mardy Collins then tackled by Nate Robinson.

- Mardy Collins: Six games. I'm not sure if he gets suspended if a fight doesn't break out, but he definitely gets fined. Nobody believes Collins was just trying to keep Smith from dunking and nobody believes his coach didn't tell him to slam Smith into the floor. He's an eleventh man rookie, he does what he's told when he's told to do it.

- Jared Jeffries: Jeffries got four games for his dedicated pursuit of Carmelo Anthony that left coaches, officials, and teammates strewn about in his wake. It's impressive he got as far down the court as he did.

- Nene and Jerome James: A game each for leaving the bench. Completely useless suspensions that were thrown in to remind players to not leave the bench during an altercation. Slightly more damaging to the teams might be the high probability that both these guys will spend their off days eating Krispy Kremes and chugging the grease from the Frialator at McDonald's. Get it? They're fat.

Of the non-suspended parties:

- Denver Nuggets: A paltry $500,000 franchise fine pales in comparison with the loss of their two leading scorers in Anthony and Smith. On the plus side Eduardo Najera earns an expanded role for fifteen games, and that can never be bad for a Denver team that's in seventh place in the ultra-competitive Western Conference.

- New York Knicks: So they lose Collins (a garbage time rookie) Robinson (a feisty yet limited guard) and Jeffries (a guy who has been hurt for most of the season anyway.) It's almost like David Stern was doing Isaiah a favor. Perhaps more importantly, they lost any dignity they still had.

- Isaiah Thomas: speaking of losing dignity at a precipitous pace, Isaiah basically said, without saying it, that he ordered the foul on Smith. No one would ever interpret telling Carmelo Anthony to stay out of the paint as telling him that he should not still be in the game, as Thomas claims, and he's a fool for thinking that would fly. If you're going to do something, do it right. Sign up Bill Laimbeer as an assistant coach and teach Eddy Curry how to throw those elbows around. I hope beyond hope that Isaiah is still the coach of this team next year. The demise of the Knicks is one of the most entertaining things for a non-New York sports fan living in New York alongside Eli Manning's interception at the end of this week's Eagles game and seeing A-Rod being irrationally mistreated by the media.

- George Karl: For embarassing the Knicks, he's my new favorite head coach in the NBA. It's just too bad he was punished so severely by losing Smith and Anthony for a combined 25 games. The message is pretty clear: don't f*** with the NBA's flagship franchise, even if they're playing like the Phoenix Mercury right now.

Thoughts? Football? Holiday cheer?


Holy smokes, Saj. You've never had a larger post, and the NBA isn't even one of your main two sports. I'm sick of agreeing with you on most issues, so I'm not going to opine on this subject. If anyone cares what I think, just re-read Saj's mammoth post.

As thrilled as I am with the Celtics recent surge, I cannot deny that 'tis the season of football. The NFC is remarkably tight for that last playoff spot. The Eagles should capture the 5 seed, leaving SEVEN teams within a game of each other for the last playoff spot. In the AFC, there are EIGHT teams within one game of each other for the two wildcard spots. To delve into all of them would send this thread over 2,000 words with only one post each.

So I'll use this time for a couple questions. Who do you think takes the last NFC playoff spot and who takes the last two AFC playoff spots?


Got the message, let's keep this short. This is a very confusing playoff picture, and since nobody really reads our blog I won't take the time to sort it out. Or will I? What I will say is that Philly is no lock to make the playoffs just yet. If they lose to Dallas this weekend and Atlanta beats Carolina, you're looking at a Week 17 Falcons-Eagles matchup which could be a do or die for both these teams, assuming the Giants win out against the Saints and the Redskins. From there it gets a little confusing. For instance, if the Eagles lose out and the Vikings win out, and only one of Atlanta and NY Giants hits a 9-7 record, the Vikings are in the playoffs by virtue of a better conference record than Philadelphia. There are other scenarios which you can work out here and here if you want to drive yourself nuts. My prediction: Eagles, Falcons.

For the AFC, Cincinnati and NY Jets. Why? Because I can feel it in me bones.


No way the Jets make it. I refuse to believe such a bad team can make the playoffs in a difficult conference. I'm glad Cincinnati lost last night, as they would have scared the heck out of me as a 5 seed. But then so would the Chiefs, and those are the two teams I expect to grab those last two spots. (NFC - Eagles and Giants)

Can you justify anything better than one and done for the Patriots? What do yer bones tell you?


Can I justify more than a one and done for the Patriots? Sure. You're talking to the guy who talked himself into thinking mixed berry mentos were a suitable substitute for fruits and vegetables in the food pyramid. My rationalization skills know no bounds.

Having no integrity allows me to suspend reality when it comes to picking NFL games. Here's a rundown of the Patriots road to the Superbowl this season: Beat the Jets at home, beat the Chargers in San Diego, DEMOLISH the Colts in Indianapolis, and finally allow the NFC champions to concede in lieu of actually playing the Superbowl, provided that the head coach of the opposing team gets a giant Patriots tattoo on his ass and walks down Tremont Street pantless, bent over, and backwards. What say you?

There's a gay joke in there about what my bones tell me about a pantless, bent over, NFL coach, but since I'd be the butt of that joke it's best left unsaid.