Football Friday: Week 16

Editors' note: Every week, these two idiots will play a Pick 'Em NFL game. The object is for each editor to pick four seemingly even NFL matchups from the upcoming weekend, challenging the other pick to the winners. A running record will be tallied. Feel free to play along at home. Leave comments with your own picks if you want to go on the record.

Standings (Week 15 in parentheses)

Ian 27-17 (3-1)
Saj 19-25 (1-3)

As Ian so graciously pointed out to me, being 8 games back with two weeks to go means that I'm not technically eliminated. You know what that means? Comeback City, baby. Population: me. Week 15 boasts some of the toughest matchups of the year for you, Ian. Let's see if you at least get one of these right.

Tampa Bay at Cleveland (Sunday, 1:00pm)

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (Sunday, 1:00pm)

Cincinnati at Denver (Sunday, 4:15pm)

Philadelphia at Dallas (Monday, 5:00pm)

One of those is a trap game. And if you give me New England at Jacksonville, I will lose whatever respect I still have for you.


Why would I give you New England at Jacksonville? I just need you to get one more loss. No freebies yet. Instead, here are your four. Your back is against the wall. Because I kind of like you, I gave you all relevent games. Time to run the table:

Atlanta at Carolina (Sunday, 1:00) Winner is alive for the last playoff spot next week.

Tennessee at Buffalo (Sunday, 1:00) Yes, Tennessee counts is still alive. But will they be alive when they host the Pats next week?

New Orleans at NY Giants (Sunday, 1:00) This is the second straight year the Saints travel to New York, only this year it's fair.

San Diego at Seattle (Sunday, 4:15) I like this game. Twill be a treat on Christmas eve.


I knew I should have given you the Tennessee game. Stupid, stupid me. Okay, here goes (winning team in bold.)

Atlanta at Carolina

Carolina, a popular preseason choice to win the NFC, is freefalling faster than, well, something that falls really fast (Sorry, can't be clever right now, I have a vicious head cold and I've been whining about it for the last few days.) Right now they suck more balls than an Oklahoma meth-whore. And I'm trademarking meth-whore, by the way- they're the new crackwhores. As it's the holidays, I'm not going to look up who's starting at quarterback tomorrow, Weinke or Delhomme, mostly because it doesn't matter. What matters is that the Panthers are missing Mike Rucker, a Pro Bowl caliber pass rusher. If you're playing Michael Vick you need all the Pro Bowl caliber pass rushers you can get your grubby little hands on. Factor in Vick's pretty darn good performance last week and the Falcons knowing that they have to pretty much win out to make the playoffs and this looks like an Atlanta romp. Of course Vick's been a yo-yo all season and the Jim Mora-Falcons disparity between coaching prowess and team talent may be largest in the NFL, but I'm sticking with the Falcons.

Tennessee at Buffalo

Last week I picked against the Bills and Titans at home and got burned by J.P. Losman and Pacman Jones respectively. I really have no idea who to go with in this game so I'm going with the home team. The first rule about picking a Bills game in December: Don't talk about picking a Bills game in December. The second rule about picking a Bills game in December: Re-read the first rule.

New Orleans at NY Giants

The Giants are too much of a mess for me to pick them. And as a resident of New York City I would REALLY like to see them miss the playoffs so I could comiserate with Tom in the copy center at work about something besides the Knicks and Mets. Is it foolish to make my picks with such caprice? I say no.

San Diego at Seattle

I'm not sure what is a bigger gimme- this game or the Atlanta game. San Diego still has two things to play for: a bye and a number one seed. Meanwhile the Seahawks have been losing with gusto lately. They're two losses from missing the playoffs to the 49ers, a team that still has one of the worst point differentials in the league and, if San Francisco does win their division, possibly the worst ever point differential for a playoff team in the history of organized sports. I have faith in the Seahawks ability to screw it up. Plus very few things would make me happier than seeing the 49ers and the Packers make the playoffs. Basically a puppy and a kitty snuggling and Donald Trump defending Miss USA's alcohol, drug, and sex filled escapades in New York City exhaust the list.


Okay, so all it takes to put you away is one win? Time to play prevent defense. Strategem: There's no WAY all four visiting teams will win. I'm taking all the homies. I don't need to win with style. I just need to win. And at least one home team will win.

Game 1: Tampa Bay @ Cleveland: Frankly, this is the reason I went with the four home teams tactic. What kind of jerk assigns this game? I don't even want to think about it. Pick: Cleveland

Game 2: Baltimore @ Pittsburgh: Steelers close very well. I think they shut down Baltimore's offense this week. I've decided the Ravens are the team I want the Patriots to visit in the second round. San Diego is scary even with that shaky playoff coach, and Indy already beat the Patriots in Foxboro. The Pats would need a Baltimore win here to make this path possible, but I don't see it happening. Pick: Pittsburgh

Game 3: Cincinatti @ Denver: Cutler finally has a notch in his belt. Now he gets to go home to Denver as a winner, and Denver is a tough enough place to play in without a cocky, talented QB on the other side. I feel like no one is talking about this game, but this is the most important game of the weekend. These guys are in the drivers seat for the last two playoff spot, but one of them has to lose, opening the door for SIX TEAMS below them. Pick: Denver

Game 4: Philadelphia @ Dallas: The winner of this game plays the Bears in the AFC Championship game. Just so you know. And since I've been saying it all year, don't be surprised when I say - Pick: Dallas


Side note: When I was writing about the ideal path for the Patriots, it came to mind that the ideal contending team to see in the first round would be a visiting Jacksonville team. However, Jacksonville does not make the playoffs if they lose this weekend. And who are the Jaguars playing this weekend? The Patriots.

So be fully prepared for me to remind everyone of this. If the Patriots lose, it was because Coach Belichick wanted them to.