Football Friday: Week 7

Editors' note: Every week, these two idiots will play a Pick 'Em NFL game. The object is for each editor to pick four seemingly even NFL matchups from the upcoming weekend, challenging the other pick to the winners. A running record will be tallied. Feel free to play along at home. Leave comments with your own picks if you want to go on the record. Standings (Last week in parenthesis)

Ian 13-7 (2-2)
Saj 10-10 (1-3)

1:30 PM
S: Okay, I have a new strategy. Every week I will make my picks and then bet large sums of money that I am wrong. That should work, right? I mean we're not even dealing with handicaps here and I'm 10-10. Disgraceful. Here are your four games:

Carolina at Cincinnati (Sunday, 1:00)

Pittsburgh at Atlanta (Sunday, 1:00)

Green Bay at Miami (Sunday, 1:00)

NY Giants at Dallas (Monday, 8:30)

A bit of gamesmanship here, Ian: I gave you the Dallas game yet again just to piss you off; have fun picking Bledsoe and company against the surging Giants. I also made it impossible for you to give me the Miami game because I know I could not keep myself from picking Miami this week. One of these days they'll win a game and on that day I will be vindicated. Joe-Joe for life.

1:51 PM

I: If I ever find the time and motivation, I'm going to go through out blogs and find all my dead-on predictions. I don't mean picking a certain game, I mean things like: "Miami is the most overrated team heading into the season," and "watch out for multiple T.O. T.D's" against the Texans. Afterall, if we don't get picked up by a paying employer, the best part about this blog will be looking back on all broad predictions 6 months from now.

Anyway, good strategy on Miami. I usually look for games that will dupe you into making the wrong pick, much like you're now doing with Dallas. Chin up, though; a .500 record might win the NL West some day.

Here you go, buddy. When picking these, I realized there's never been more deviation of difficulty between the first four and next four games.

San Diego at Kansas City (Sunday, 1:00)

Detroit at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay (Sunday, 1:00)

Arizona at Oakland (Sunday, 4:15)

2:53 PM

Right you are on the deviation in difficulties. I can't go 4-0 this week (because I can't pick the Jets. Ever) but if I don't go 3-1 this week then I'll be just flabbergasted.

SAN DIEGO

In German, San Diego means "a whale's vagina." Have you ever tried running the ball in or around a whale's vagina? It's not easy. Not easy at all. And with Trent Green still out of commission the Chiefs have to rely on Damon Huard and/or Brodie Croyle to man the offense. That means lots of touches for Larry Johnson for not that many yards against a pretty darn good defense. And speaking of exuberance, does anyone else notice how incredibly jazzed up Philip Rivers' is after a good play? Jumping up and down and acting a fool? I love it.

DETROIT

You completely set me up with this one, thank you. I can't pick the Jets, I have to stand by my buddy Jon Kitna and you knew all of this. On the bright side the cable is finally on in my new place so I can be reminded of exactly how terrible it is to ALWAYS GET THE JETS GAMES IN NEW YORK CITY. Man I hate the Jets.

PHILLY

This is what you came up with? I mean come on. This can't be one of the top eight hardest games to pick this week. What about Minnesota at Seattle or Washington at Indy? Do the Eagles and Bucs even have to play? Donovan McNabb, if you're reading this, here's what you do. When you go out for the coin toss just say, "Listen, the guys are really tired from the New Orleans game last week, what if we just agreed upon a score and called it a day? You know something respectable we can both live with. 20-17? You guys can even have a couple of interceptions, maybe a fumble recovery, what do you say? I mean Lito already left for the day, and Coach Reid is taking a nap." It's a deal Tampa Bay would be crazy not to take.

ARIZONA

So this is the trendy pick for the Oakland Raiders first win. But I don't see it. I don't see it at all, not against the Cardinals, a team that was four flukey plays from beating the Chicago Bears. Granted they should have put the game away when they had the chance, but that doesn't mean they didn't have the ability to do it. The Oakland Raiders "end to futility" watch will have to wait until December 3rd when they host the Texans or December 31st when they visit the Jets in the Meadowlands. They'll still be futile, but maybe not without a win. Sidenote: The Oakland D-line vs. the Arizona O-line is the mini-battle of the week. We'll finally find out what happens when the blockable object meets the object that effectively doesn't exist. Something has got to give.

You're up.

5:29 PM

"We'll finally find out what happens when the blockable object meets the object that effectively doesn't exist. Something has got to give." Brilliant line, perhaps the best of our fledgling blog. And you're spot on about my Jets strategy. You use my foolish Cowboy love against me, so I reciprocate the gesture my capitalizing on your overwhelming hatred of the Jets. Still, don't forget who you're dealing with (cough, 13-7). I have correctly made all Cowboys picks, including the loss in Philly. Speaking of Philly, be careful, my young padawan. Your cockiness might be your downfall. Either that or your drinking problem.

Yikes, I'm at a yuge disadvantage this week. I'm hoping to break even this week before retaking momentum in Week 8. Without further ado...

Game 1: Carolina @ Cincinatti: Tough pick. The Panthers are hot with 4 wins in a row after opening with back to back losses. What's more, the second of those losses was that flukish lateral play, so you can almost look at it as five wins in a row coming into this. Cincinatti, on the other hand, is a strong team playing at home. It's really hard picking against that. But I will anyway. Why? Because despite the Bengals' talent, it's becoming clear that they're not that good against other good teams - especially physical good teams, like the Steelers, Patriots, and Panthers. Am I saying the Bengals are soft? No. But they're not exactly hard. [Insert typical Saj phallic joke here] Pick: Carolina

Game 2: Pittsburgh @ Atlanta: I just have no idea. That Giants win in Atlanta last week really shook me up. I have been hating on New York while loving Atlanta all year. The lesson, as Joe Morgan might point out if he were a football analyst, "when your quarterback throws a pick and fumbles four times, you have a worse chance to win the game than if he didn't do any of those things." On the other side, you have a Steelers team that thinks they have found their way, when all they've done is improve to 2-4 by hosting and beating a 2-3 Kansas City Chiefs team. Long story short, I'm not high on either one of these teams, which is more than I can say for Mike Vick, who seems like he's always playing high. Home team pulls it out. Pick: Atlanta

Game 3: Green Bay @ Miami: A real battle of the titans - thanks a lot. In fact, having the Titans instead of one of these teams might even improve the game, which is really saying something. This doesn't even deserve my time. My logic for picking this one is simple: If I gave you the game, you'd take Miami. But since you're wrong as often as you are right, that doesn't help me in itself. What does help me is that if you pick Miami, they lose. So I take the Pack. Pick: Green Bay

Game 4: New York Giants @ Dallas: T.O. is trying to take the Cowboys hostage. Team not names the Texans are begging balls to get throw to T.O. He's always covered! Why do you think Julius Jones is breaking 100 yards every week and Terry Glenn, in all her glory, is on pace for a Pro-Bowl appearance? It's because NFL defenses are concerned about the best receiver in the game. Marvin Harrison didn't get a TD catch until Week 6, but his team still is undefeated. Good receivers get attention and their numbers go down. It happened to Harrison, it happened to Moss, and it's happening to Johnson. But T.O. can't accept this. He has a gun to the Cowboys' head, ready to make the Cowboys season unravel faster than a Grady Little bullpen decision. Parcells and Bledsoe are hanging on for dear life. I just hope someone is getting through to Owens: Stay a decoy and we'll get into the playoffs. Demand the ball and we won't.

Where am I going with this? It's Monday Night Football. It's a national audience. T.O. will demand the ball. Pick: New York.