Football Friday: Week 13

Editors' note: Every week, these two idiots will play a Pick 'Em NFL game. The object is for each editor to pick four seemingly even NFL matchups from the upcoming weekend, challenging the other pick to the winners. A running record will be tallied. Feel free to play along at home. Leave comments with your own picks if you want to go on the record.

Standings (Week 11 in parenthesis)
Ian 19-13 (1-3)
Saj 14-18 (3-1)


Week 11 was my first sub .500 week of the season. Some might argue I'm losing my touch. Others might argue I never had touch to begin with. I argue that all three of my losses that week were flukes. To each his own.

Time to get back on the wagon. Saj, your picks for the weekend:

Atlanta at Washington (Sunday, 1:00)

Houston at Oakland (Sunday, 4:05)

Miami at Jacksonville (Sunday, 4:05)

Seattle at Denver (Sunday, 8:15)

And I have a specific prediction for bonus points. I like the Bengals over the Ravens by 6 this week.


I'm 14-18 and that includes a 3-1 week last week. I'm so bad at this. And speaking of non-sensical segues and unexpected pregnancy in television shows: why don't more television characters that find themselves unexpectedly pregnant consider an abortion? I know it's a difficult and very real decision, but it never even crosses their minds sometimes. It's the conservative media, I am telling you.

Anyway, here are your picks:

Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh (Sunday, 4:15)

New York Jets at Green Bay (Sunday, 1:oo)

Dallas at New York Giants (Sunday, 4:15)

Arizona at St. Louis (Sunday, 1:00)

Easy picks for you, I think. You're running away with this thing, just don't choke.


I hope you noticed that I didn't give you the Jets, even though I know they'll win this weekend. Remember this when you buy your big house in New London and I need a place to stay. In this slate bestowed upon me, I see two gimmies and two toughies. Both gimmies are at 1:00, so I'm going to be 2-0 heading into the afternoon. It's a comforting thought.

Game 1: NY Jets @ Green Bay: At this point, the Jets are who they are. They'll beat teams worse than them, and lose to teams better than them. Only one exception to that rule has occured all year, and unfortunately that was against the superior Patriots. That win has kept them as a technical AFC contender, though anyone who knows anything knows they aren't an actual contender for anything but Best Football Team to Play in Giants Stadium. This game will settle one thing and one thing only: Which is the worst division in football? It's either the NFC North or the AFC East, and I personally think the AFC East is leaving the NFC North in the dust. Pick: New York

Game 2: Arizona @ St. Louis: (Random thought - How many people will be momentarily confused when the announcer says "The Cardinals" and he means Arizona?) How is Arizona worse than in recent years? They supposedly signed their best back in franchise history in Edgerin James. Their dynamic young receiving duo is a year more experienced. They have a talented quarterback with an excellent prep pedigree. They have an experienced coach. The thing is, I knew Arizona would be bad this year. How? Because they're the Arizona Cardinals. Until they prove otherwise, their situation is one not conducive to a succesful football franchise. At 2-9, their season is long gone. St. Louis, however, is the team chosen as most likely to be the sixth seed if the Giants continue to fall apart. The Rams are alive. A 4-1 record the rest of the way might get them in, and with home games against Arizona and Washington, and road games against Oakland and Minnesota, that is not out of the question. Translation: The St. Louis Rams have a lot more to play for than the Arizona Cardinals. Pick: St. Louis

Game 3: Tampa Bay @ Pittsburgh: Hey, it's two of the last three Superbowl Champions!! Wow, what a rare opportunity to see football titans of opposing conferences face off in midseason. What a treat! Uh oh, the captain just turned on the No Sarcasm sign. Anyway, the inconsistencies of these two teams make this a difficult matchup to pick. I'll take the Steelers for two reasons. 1) Homefield and 2) They won a couple of games before being bludgeoned by the Ravens defense last week. (A concern of mine is that they can't come back from that. Perhaps the Steelers offense is on no sleep after being kept awake all week, thanks to a combination of nightmares and pain.) Tampa has lost four of their last five. Pick: Pittsburgh.

Game 4: Dallas @ NY Giants: Game of the Week. I expect the Giants to play very well this week. If they lose, I think they end up being a .500 team. If they win, they might make a run at ten wins and the five seed, and they can pray Dallas trips up down the stretch to also finish at ten wins, giving the Giants the division with the head-to-head sweep. This would mean a homegame as well as a chance to avoid the Bears until the AFC Championship. On the other side, you have the Dallas Cowboys, who are playing as well as anyone in the conference. They are finally playing like the team I expected. Unfortunately, I cannot pinpoint a single reason why their season turned around. I can't think of any changes they made that turned this team into a legit contender. This should be a hard fought, close game. I'd take the Giants plus the points if that were an option here, but since it's not, I'll take the Boys in a great game. Pick: Dallas.


I hate to say this, but you might go 4-0 this week. Of course if I think you're right then you're probably wrong. Some intense reverse psychology going on here. On to my picks.

ATLANTA over WASHINGTON

Is Michael Vick sorry about flipping off some fans in the Georgia Dome last weekend? No. Should Michael Vick be sorry about flipping off some fans in the Georgia Dome last weekend? No. Should he have been forced to apologize? Yes. Should the NFL have fined him and made him contribute to a charity of his choice? Yes. It's all part of the game; the illusion that these egregiously talented and self-serving athletes (sweeping generalization, there are always exceptions) are role models. They aren't. But if Mike Vick wants to sell Gatorade and Nike shoes and No. 7 jerseys he better apologize and he better donate $5,000 of his $130 million to the family of a firefighter. Even better for taking the focus off his double fingered salute to the heckling hometown crowd: winning a football game.

HOUSTON over OAKLAND

Yes, I am picking the Houston Texans on the road against an Oakland team that put up a pretty good fight against the Chargers in San Diego last week. Shut up. All of you just shut up.

MIAMI over JACKSONVILLE

Sooner or later I knew that I would be right about the Miami Dolphins. I'm not sure what steroid cocktail Nick Saban has Jason Taylor on, but he's playing like one of the best defensive linemen in the league again. And Joey Harrington is making some incredible passes. His first touchdown on Thanksgiving was a perfectly timed dart that sliced between two Lions and hit Randy McMichael in the endzone. On top of that, the Dolphins are playing with a few days extra rest against a Jacksonville team that has an enigmatic inability to beat teams with a losing record. If they were playing in the NFC they'd be my pick for the sixth spot in the playoffs. Alas, leapfrogging any two of Cincinnati, Denver, and Kansas City in the playoff race will prove too difficult for them. Especially since they still have to play New England and Indianapolis, the latter in the RCA Dome.

DENVER over SEATTLE

Very difficult to pick this game, lots of variables. In Seattle's favor, Jay Cutler is getting his first NFL start. In Denver's favor, it's almost impossible for Cutler to play any worse than Jake Plummer- like walking on water impossible. Which means that only Jesus could play worse than Jake Plummer has played this season. Jesus and those snakes that can slither across ponds. In Seattle's favor, the Denver defense has given up an average of 24.2 points over their last five games and for the season they've given up over a 100 yards rushing per game. In Denver's favor, this is only the second game back for both Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander. In Seattle's favor, Alexander ran for 200 yards and looked great last week against Green Bay. In Denver's favor, Hasselbeck had three interceptions and a completion percentage below 50% in the same game. In Seattle's favor, "Real World: Seattle" featured a Jewish black man bitch slapping a white girl with Lyme disease. In Denver's favor, "Real World: Denver" features a love triangle AND two girls making out IN THE FIRST EPISODE. That pretty much seals it for Denver.

Is talking about the Real World too much of a Bill Simmons thing? I say yes, but we're Simmons' clones anyway, for better or for worse. (for worse)