Football Friday: Week 2

Editors' note: Every week, these two idiots will play a Pick 'Em NFL game. The object is for each editor to pick four seemingly even NFL matchups from the upcoming weekend, challenging the other pick to the winners. A running record will be tallied. Feel free to play along at home. Leave comments with your own picks if you want to go on the record.


I: All right, Saj. Here you go:
New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday, 1:00)
Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos (Sunday, 4:15)
Washington Redskins at Dallas Cowboys (Sunday, 8:15)
Pittsburgh Steelers at Jacksonville Jaguars (Monday. 8:30)


S: Ok, Ian. I'm throwing down the gauntlet, pick the winners straight up
Carolina Panthers at Minnesota Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
New Orleans Saints at Green Bay Packers (Sunday, 1:00)
Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears (Sunday, 1:00)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)

Admittedly a weak gauntlet, but consider it special considerations for the handicapped. Do your best (or worst).


Read and learn, Saj.
Game 1: Carolina @ Minnesota: Carolina, a pre-season favorite to reach the Superbowl, lost last week. I know that they are notoriously slow starters who make up their wins at the end of the season. However, I also know that Minnesota notoriously sucks. This franchise never bounced back from that embarrassing 41-0 playoff game at Giants Stadium in 2001. There are no signs of turning it around. In the last year, they've lost their talent (Moss and Culpepper), their head coach (Tice), and their self-respect (cruise). Their offense is led by average-at-best Brad Johnson, and he's their best player on that side of the ball. Their defense has more holes than the conservative ideology. In this game, they are outmanned, outcoached, and outclassed by a superior Panthers team. Pick: Carolina
Game 2: New Orleans @ Green Bay: These squads are heading in completely different directions. New Orleans just drafted the most exciting NFL player to hit the league since Deion Sanders. They imported a pro-bowl caliber quarterback from San Diego. They have a cocky wideout, a premiere 1-2 punch out of the backfield, and, with the departure of head coach Jim Haslett, they've eliminated the hole at the head coaching position. Green Bay, on the other hand, is a once-proud franchise which has fallen apart faster than Tom Cruise's career. It's official, Brett Favre should have hung up the cleats. He's a bad quarterback on a terrible team that is going nowhere fast. The Packers need to move forward. They need to rebuild. They spent their first round pick last year on a quarterback, only to watch him freeze on the sidelines while Favre throws up wounded ducks at a record pace. Green Bay fans are among the best in sports and deserve better. Pick: New Orleans
Game 3: Detroit @ Chicago: Did you hear Lions WR Roy Williams said they'd score 40 points this week? After they scored 6 last week? AND Chicago has the best defense since the 2001 Ravens? I have qualms with Detroit scoring 40 points in any game this year. They're certainly not doing it against Chicago. However, it seems as if the Detroit defense is much improved, and could keep their offense in the game, a notion unthinkable for the last couple years. Detroit held NFC Champion Seattle to 3 field goals last week, and routinely earned big stops against Hasselbeck and Alexander. I think these are the only two average+ teams in the NFC North and they will battle for that division. Homefield advantage is significant in this matchup pitting a dome team in the Windy City. Pick: Chicago.
Game 4: Tampa Bay @ Atlanta: Thanks for the free-bee. The Bucs are a run-of-the-mill team on both sides of the ball. The Falcons, with both a superior defense and offense, will be playing meaningful football in January. AND it's in Atlanta. Pick: Atlanta.


Bold picks, Ian. Really going out on a limb with some of these. I say you're wrong about Carolina, New Orleans, and Chicago, but that's just me. I'm a risk taker. Gunslinger. Of course that's not the issue at hand here (and by the issue at hand I mean you making the incorrect picks). I have to focus on the four games you so graciously selected. I'm not going to mention how they're infinitely more difficult to call. And I'm not going to mention the herpes you got from that Massachusetts state trooper. I'm just gonna make my picks. Straight up, no bullshitting. Ready?

GIANTS. BRONCOS. REDSKINS. STEELERS.

There you go, now call your bookies. Yes I picked three road teams. Yes I'm probably wrong about three, possibly all four, of these.

GIANTS
Why I'm right: Tiki Barber and Brandon Jacobs. In a game where Eli won't be forced to throw 34 times to keep pace with the opposing offense (as was the case in the Manning Bowl) you'll see a lot more of these two. They looked especially good against Indy last week and have you been watching Tiki Barber these last few years? His smile alone is good for breaking a two or three tackles. Jacobs is a house on legs that are made up of smaller houses. He has lesser runningbacks pureed into hyper-protein smoothies and this is entirely what he subsists on for the week leading up to the game. Children are afraid of him (as they should be afraid of walking houses that eat pureed runningback protein smoothies). He's big.

And the Giants hung with the Colts last Sunday night until Eli was, well, Eli and Coughlin horribly mismanaged the clock. What did Philly do last week but beat up on one of the worst franchises in football. Donte' Stallworth = nonfactor this week. You have my word. And I stand by my word until I re-edit this post in three days.

Why I'm wrong: Eli Manning. He's not good. Trust me Giants fans.

BRONCOS
Why I'm right: Herman Edwards, Damon Huard, the Chiefs offensive line, the Chiefs defensive line. And the Bell boys. With Jake Plummer playing QB like Jake Gyllenhaal, Shanahan will be running the ball more than Ian runs his mouth. With both Bells trying to impress enough to get the bulk of the carries, Tatum and Mike will be on point; in the contest to prove who is the best Bell, the real winner will be the Denver Broncos. Meanwhile Brokeback Plummer turns in a vintage serviceable performance as CBS has 20 or so shots of Jay Cutler holding a clipboard and grinding his teeth.

Why I'm wrong: I'm not wrong about this one. Larry Johnson be damned.

REDSKINS
Why I'm right: Actually I'm probably wrong about this one, but the reward outweighs the risk. If I'm right and the Redskins win then it's likely that Drew Bledsoe had a fairly similar game to last week. This would undeniably upset Ian (a notorious Bledsoe apologist). For Ian the only thing worse than Tony Romo taking over in Dallas is Nomar Garciaparra getting busted for steroids. Tangent: Terrell Owens will behave himself this year. That's right. He will. Randy Moss, almost Owens' prima donna equal, will vault to the very top of the petulant wide receiver rankings. Mark my words. Post Script: the ghosts of last year's miracle Mark Brunell to Santana Moss x2 comeback still roam Irving, Texas...

Why I'm wrong: Shawn Springs won't be playing and Clinton Portis is listed as "doubtful." And last week the Redskins prompted Joe Theismann to call Brad Johnson a great "game manager." Of course Theismann also called Brunell a great "game manager" so that phrase may actually mean nothing.

STEELERS
Why I'm right: I think the Steelers are the best team in the NFL right now. Yes I don't know much (or anything really) but even without Randle El this team can score points. Parker, Ward, Miller, a solid coach, the return of Roethlisberger. The defense is still very strong, Ike Taylor can shut down almost anyone or anything and Joey Porter still won't shut down his mouth. They're too good.

Why I'm wrong: Byron Leftwich, for better or for worse, is the black Ben Roethlisberger. I'm not sure what that means but Leftwich is listed at 6'5", 245 lbs while Roethlisberger is listed at 6'5", 241 lbs. Leftwich played for small conference Marshall while Roethlisberger played for small conference Miami of Ohio. Leftwich was the 7th overall pick, Roethlisberger 11th. Both started as rookies. Too much crazy twilight zone shit going on here. That and I'm afraid of Mike Peterson's hair. I just hope Theismann calls one or both of these guys a "great game manager."