Football Friday: Week 6

Standings after five weeks of riveting NFL action:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 12-8.......... -- ..............3-1
Saj 9-11........... 3 ..............2-2

Here are your Week 6 games:

Washington Redskins at Green Bay Packers
Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars
Tennessee Titans at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Miami Dolphins at Cleveland Browns


Order was restored last week, with our most common results once again having representation. Your games:

Cincinatti Bengals at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons (Monday, 8:30)


Cincinatti Bengals at Kansas City Chiefs

I was reading Peter King's fantasy football column today and he told me to pick up Cincinnati running back Kenny Watson. So I did. In both leagues. You heard right. I might start Kenny Watson in two separate leagues this week. Kenny Watson. Both leagues. I think I'm legally obligated to support the Bengals here. BENGALS

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets

J-E-T-S, SUCK SUCK SUCK!! There is very little I enjoy more than watching the Jets lose week in and week out. I believe the Germans call that "schadenfreude." Also, the longterm success of my fantasy team depends on Bryant Westbrook running for lots of yards and scoring lots of points. I believe the Germans call that "IhaveafantasyfootballcrushonBryantWestbrook." Crazy Germans and their made up words. EAGLES

Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals

Just when you think Matt Leinart might suffer the indignity of losing his job to a 36-year-old Kurt Warner, the lucky bastard goes and breaks his collarbone. Leinart, you son of a bitch. While you're having a pain-killer fueled orgy with the Hilton sisters and Hayley Duff I hope you're at least sorta thinking about your teammates suffering through three hours of poorly executed football. CARDINALS

New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons

You never really know what will happen with this Giants team. One week you pick them to win and they lose and the next week you pick them to lose and they win. You just never really know. Except for this week. They will win. The Plaxico/D'Angelo Hall matchup should be fun to watch. And fingers crossed for Brandon Jacobs to bulldoze the Falcons defense for 200 yards and three scores (fantasy implications). GIANTS


With four 1:00 games, my fate will be decided before the Dallas-New England showdown (Pats by 17, by the way).

Washington @ Green Bay: Sooooo, it turns out the Packers don't have a running game and everyone knows it now. And an aged Brett Favre is not good enough to play well against a defense that knows he has to throw. Favre hasn't been that good since the 90's. The Redskins, meanwhile, are turning into a solid NFC team, perhaps the third best team in the conference. Pick: Washington

Houston @ Jacksonville: It's clear that Houston is not the same team without Andre Johnson. On the subject... Andre Johnson is out for Week 6. Pick: Jacksonville

Tennessee @ Tampa Bay: A battle of conference mid-tier teams. You know what that means! Go with the AFC team. Pick: Tennessee

Miami @ Cleveland: Cleo Lemon, leading an 0-5 Miami Dolphins team on the road, against an underrated Cleveland Browns team that's 2-1 at home. Ladies and gentlemen, the Browns are about to be .500 heading into Week 7, which is a bye week, and then they go and play a winless St. Louis team in Week 8. We could be looking at a 4-3 Browns team for the first time since what I can only assume was Bernie Kosar leaning over center. But first, they need a win at home against the Fins. Pick: Cleveland

Football Friday: Week 5

Standings after four weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 9-7.......... -- ..............0-4
Saj 7-9.......... 2 ..............3-1

All right, Saj. Gift given. Time to get serious again. Your games:

New York Jets at (kinda) New York Giants (Sunday, 1:00)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Detroit Lions at Washington Redskins (Sunday, 1:00)
Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers (Sunday, 8:15)


Comebacks are like women, Ian. Women with large breasts.

Seattle Seahawks at Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday, 1:00)
Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (Sunday, 1:00)
Atlanta Falcons at Tennessee Titans (Sunday, 1:00)
San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos (Sunday, 4:15)


Seattle @ Pittsburgh: In my opinion, these are two top 5 teams in football (with Pats, Indy, and Dallas). This rematch of Superbowl XL will have similar results, especially the results that show that a top tier NFC team is not as good as a second tier AFC one. Pick: Pittsburgh

Carolina @ New Orleans: This is a great example of a home team with some urgency doing what it takes to win a football game. This is also a great example of Reggie Bush's breakout party. Pick: New Orleans

Atlanta @ Tennessee: Hey, my Knock-Out pool pick for week 5! I've taken Seattle, Chicago, Baltimore, and Dallas in the first four weeks. Yes, I still have the Pats and Indy... but I'm saving them to go the distance. This week, I'll take the team playing one of the worst teams in football on the road. Pick: Atlanta loses... so I guess Tennessee

San Diego @ Denver: First, a caveat: I am using the same justification this week that I used for San Diego's game last week when I mistakenly took them. The Chargers can't possibly fall another game under .500. I know that they go on the road this week whereas last week they were at home. I know they're playing a better team in Denver compared to the putrid Kansas City Chiefs of Week 4. But I also know that San Diego has not yet had reason to panic about their season... until now. Now there's some urgency. Now there's a realization that a playoff birth will not again be handed to them on a platter. And Denver is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Pick: San Diego


New York Jets at (kinda) New York Giants

The real loser in this game: the city of New York. By Monday morning the Yankees will have been swept, James Dolan will be cutting a fat check to Anucha Brown-Sanders, Tom Glavine will have officially left the Mets, and the greater metropolitan area will have to suffer through watching this exercise in football futility. My final prediction? The Giants edge out the Jets: seven false start penalties to five rushing touchdowns allowed. GIANTS.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Kansas City Chiefs

When in doubt go with the home team that has Larry Johnson. CHIEFS.


Detroit Lions at Washington Redskins

I still think the Redskins are the real deal even if their coaching staff isn't. This looks like a 45-40 game if I ever saw one. REDSKINS.


Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers

Brett Favre vs. Rexian Grossiese? PACKERS.

MLB Playoffs

First, Saj, let me say that last night (Padres-Rockies) was one of the greatest "regular season" baseball games I've ever seen. Rarely do I stay up past 10:00 on a school night, but last night earned it. Simply an amazing game. It's been written about to death, so I won't spend too much more time on it, except to say this:

Will Colorado ride this momentum (their last 15 games and last night's classic) to make some noise in the National League? And on that note, what can we make of the National League playoffs? Couldn't you make a case for any one of the teams, the best argument for each being that the other three team have significant holes? Basically, Saj, I ask you: Who's winning the National League pennant?

Funny story. Watching the mad dash in the NL this past week for the final playoff spot(s) made me remember exactly how much I love baseball when the games matter. Every pitch, every swing, every baseball-related cliche. Which is why I told myself that I was going to watch the Rockies-Padres game. Unfortunately for quasi-playoff baseball, I love barbecue more. So roommate Rob graciously set the game to record and I set off to gorge myself on dead animal and Southern alcohol. I return home around 11 only to find that the game is still going on, ignore it in favor of the Patriots game (and, sure, maybe "The Hills"), finally sit down to watch the Rocks-Pads around midnight, and promptly fall into a slumber only eight bourbons and three pounds of meat can produce. What this means is that even though I saw the highlights on espn.com today, I will still go home and try to watch the game in it's entirety all the while getting sidetracked by "House" and whatever other crappy television is on tonight.

To answer your question: No. Don't get me wrong, I love the Rockies. I want the Rockies to win the NLCS (and the World Series if Boston doesn't). I want to see Todd Helton play some meaningful baseball for once. I want a bronze statue of Dante Bichette and Vinny Castilla getting steroid injections in the front lawn of my future home. But I don't see them getting past the Phillies in a short series where the Phillies will have Cole Hamels starting twice, Brett Myers pitching multiple innings out of the bullpen, homefield advantage, and Rollins/Utley/Howard. If you want evidence for this matter, look at Matt Holliday's home-away splits: his OPS jumps 300 points at home to a Bondsian 1.157. That's no accident, the Rockies are lethal at home, average on the road.

That being said, Colorado does have the best adjusted record of the remaining (read: non-Mets) NL playoff teams and they do have decent pitching for a team from Coors Field. I hope they make noise, Ian. I do. But the Phillies are probably the toughest draw in the field right now and Chase Utley is the dreamiest son of a gun this side of Harrisburg.

Pennant winner prediction: Anyone but the Diamondbacks. You heard it here, FIRST.

Football Friday: Week 4

Standings after three weeks:

Standings.....GB
Ian 9-3.......... --
Saj 4-8.......... 5

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Oakland pulls the old switch-a-roo on Phil Dawson, Joe Gibbs and Jason Campbell completely f**k up an otherwise awesome two minute drill, and somehow Nate Burleson catches a football thrown to him. I mean come on. Admit it, Ian. The God you don't believe in loves you. F**king loves you. Here are your games:

Chicago Bears at Detroit Lions
Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants

Gamesmanship, Ian. Giving YOU the Giants this time.


You're lucky. My respect for gamesmanship nullifies my disrespect for you. Your games:

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
New York Jets at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)
Houston Texans at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)
Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns (Sunday, 1:00)

I had a very difficult time finding a 3rd and 4th challenging game, so I just decided to have some fun and go with all 1:00 games. You potentially being 4-0 by 4:30 could put the pressure on me to win in the afternoon and night, but you being 1-3 (again) means I could continue squeezing the life out of you. Good times.


Green Bay at Minnesota

How about them Packers, huh? True fantasy football draft story: In the 9th round of our draft I had yet to pick a quarterback (effectively punting the position) and I turn to Ian and I say, "should I grab a QB here?" And he says, "you should have grabbed a QB four rounds ago. Yes, draft a QB." So instead I draft Devery Henderson. Yes, Devery Henderson. The draft snakes: Kitna, Roethlisberger, and Alex Smith all fall off the board and I draft Brett Favre. I'm not sure if I can truly explain how it feels when "I should have drafted Jon Kitna" is how you describe your fantasy football draft. I don't think the words exist in the English language. And since I don't speak any other languages I just can't articulate the exact mixture of dread, self-pity, and confusion I was feeling. Long story short, Favre has been pretty good so far and there's a reason for hope in Camp Saj.

New York Jets at Buffalo

You know, it's really hard to read a team that just got whomped by the best team in America, especially when they lost their starting quarterback in the process, but I'm going to have to go with Buffalo here. The Bills will be at home, they have a solid defense, and, even with rookie Trent Edwards at quarterback, Marshawn Lynch should have a field day running against a Jets defense that gave up 200 yards to Ronnie Brown last week. I truly believe that Buffalo will win this game. I swear this is not a run-of-the-mill Saj anti-Jets pick. I swear.

Houston Texans at Atlanta Falcons

Put yourself in Matt Schaub's shoes for a second. Are you upset that the Vick stuff happened after you left for Houston? Or relieved? Sure there's some talent behind the ball in Atlanta, but the playbook had been written for a Michael Vick not a Matt Schaub. And, in Houston, you're breathing life into a franchise that never had any as part of a team that is basically all yours. Texans.

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns

To borrow a Simmons-ism: "Call me crazy, but I'm just not that excited for the Derek Anderson-era." I'm not saying Kyle Boller or Steve McNair are any better, but I am saying that Willis McGahee and Ed Reed are. To borrow a Madden-ism: "Playmakers. On both sides of the ball. Watch this... BOOM!" Sidenote: how fat is Romeo Crennel? Really fat, or really, really fat?


Going into last week, I was like, "Man, I can't possibly go 3-1 for a third consecutive week to start the season, can I? I mean, consistently getting 75% correct picks in the NFL when six to eight of the easiest games are always taken off the table is impossible, right?" But I'll be damned, I actually went 3-1 again. Did ya notice, Saj? Did ya?

But come on. I can't possibly go 3-1 AGAIN, can I?

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions: The division title is not changing hands this year. The Bears might play .500 football outside of the NFC North, but I don't think the Bears lose more than one division game all year. That includes against the rejuvinated Green Bay Packers, and it DEFINITELY includes the party-juvinated Detroit Lions. Pick: Chicago

Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins: Just one thought on this pathetic game: As the home team, the Miami Dolphins have the option of wearing their white jerseys. This leaves Oakland with their blacks. In Miami. In September. You'll be lucky to get three coherant quarters of a team that's untalented to begin with. Pick: Miami

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Carolina Panthers: Hey, these teams have been to Superbowls this century! And now they stink! Good times. Can we say enough about the Pats to be in the hunt every year for the last six? These two teams used to be premier and now I'm forced to pick between the lesser of who sucks less. When in doubt, go with the home team. Pick: Carolina

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants: Hey, another NFC divisional game! Thanks, Saj. I mean, it's such a good conference. What, you couldn't throw me an NFC West game, too? As for this one, I don't know many things, but I do know this: The Eagles are the NFC's closest version of the Patriots (good coaching, consistent effort, perennially contending in their conference), and the Giants are a bad football team. Pick: Philadelphia

Football Friday: Week 3

Standings after two weeks:

Standings.....GB
Ian 6-2.......... --
Saj 3-5.......... 3


I won't feel safe until Saj is at least 14.5 games back with three months to play. Because that kind of lead is insurmountable in sports.

Saj, good luck making up ground with these picks:

Miami Dolphins at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Giants at Washington Redskins(Sunday, 4:15)

The "luck", friend, will need to be good for YOU. Yes. You.

St. Louis Rams at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Sunday, 1:00)
Cincinnati Bengals at Seattle Seahawks (Sunday, 4:05)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Denver Broncos (Sunday, 4:05)
Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 4:15)


Miami Dolphins at New York Jets

I know what you're thinking, Ian. But I've learned a thing or two over the offseason- namely that it's okay to pick the Jets every once in a while. Roommate, and Jets' apologist, Rob is going to the game this weekend and he was excited because "they actually might win this one." Oh, to be a Jets fan. A year ago I would have opted to pick against the Jets with blatant disregard for whomever they're playing, but Rob's defeatist attitude has turned me, slightly. Think of this more as a sympathy nod than anything. Sympathy sidenote: No sympathy for Mangini when he goes 4-12 and loses the "Man-genius" title. Wake up, New York, the Jets scored 23 more points than they allowed last year. They're no good. But Miami is worse.
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs

Really? Kansas City is terrible. And Minnesota has the second coming of Tony Dorsett in Adrian Peterson. By the way, how much must it suck to be a Chiefs fan? Your franchise running back holds out all of training camp, the feel good story of the last few months (Priest Holmes) fails to make his comeback, you're 0-2 in competent quarterbacks, and HBO chose to profile you in training camp just before a 1-15 season. It's like watching the two months of a junkie's life before he goes on the 17 week bender that will leave his broken, emaciated carcass propped up against a dumpster in an alley.

Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders

Cleveland. I have a story to tell everyone. Ever since Derek Anderson's 5 touchdown performance Ian has been consistently trying to pawn him off on my in our fantasy league. And that's just insulting. Yes, I know my quarterbacks are Brett Favre and Kyle Boller. But still, shame on you, Ian. Shame on you.

New York Giants at Washington Redskins

Why do you keep doing this to me? For some reason I think the Giants are good. Maybe it's the uniforms. They do have nice ones. It's high time I realize that they aren't good. And Washington, somehow in someway, is better. If Brett Favre and Tony Romo can pick apart the Giants defense like they did then Jason Campbell will throw for 600 yards and 12 touchdowns this week. All to Santana Moss. And I will win my fantasy game by just starting him and no one else. So it has been said, so it shall be done.


I'll jump right into the picks after I say this: I successfull traded Derek Anderson today.

St. Louis Rams @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Two lousy teams here. As I foreshadowed last week, the Rams are clearly on their way down. This is the first time they opened 0-2 since Kurt Warner's squad tried to rebound from the Superbowl loss against New England. Do you think the Rams are starting to regret giving an enormous contract to a system quarterback who has a 54% completion rate after two games in St. Louis' dome? Now they go on the road. Not that the Bucs are any good, but at least they beat a talented New Orleans team last week. Pick: Tampa Bay

Cincinatti Bengals @ Seattle Seahawks: Two talented offensive teams, and the Bengals probably have the better offense. However, the Seahawks have two things going for them. One, they're playing in one of the more advantageous home fields in football. Two, they didn't give up 51 points to the Cleveland Browns. This postgame is loaded with "The Bengals have given up 90 points in the last two weeks" potential. Pick: Seattle

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Denver Broncos: Denver is without a doubt the luckiest team in football over the first two weeks...except for the Chargers and Jets, who are lucky the Patriots didn't beat them by 35 points each. I fully expect this to be a close game. And I fully expect the Broncos to once again come out on top. Pick: Denver

Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons: I'm sick of people trying to be optimistic about the Falcons. They're simply not that good, especially their offense, defense, and special teams. Stop picking them, everyone; even if they're at home. Word to the wise: wait until they win a game before picking Atlanta. Pick: Carolina