NFL: Week 11 Recap

Sorry for the lack of postings. The suits at Bikini Inspector HQ had me go to Bali this past weekend. I don't care what people say, nothing is worth a flight that long even if it is in first class. But on to football: For those of you familiar with my prognosticating prowess (If Don King can alliterate, so can I) you know that I have none. So for the last two weeks to make my NFL picks I have done what any self-respecting probability minded young man would have done. I turned to a coin. After all, if you're performing at less than 50% (READ: less than the success rate of random chance) why not try something new?

The coin lead me to a double digit performance last week (10/16) with designs towards a similar result this week (9/15 so far, I have the Giants +3.5 tonight in Jacksonville) and that is quantum leaps better than I have been doing. Just this week the coin was right about San Francisco, Oakland, and Buffalo. Without the coin I would have probably taken the Spurs, Lakers, and Timberwolves, and those are NBA teams in completely different cities. What this all boils down to is that I am stupider than a quarter.

And speaking of stupid quarters and nonsensical segues, how about them Cowboys (and this time I don't mean it ironically)?! That may have been the first, and last, time I ever actively cheer for the single most hated franchise in football, but what a performance. Parcells did what Belicheck should have done: he ran the ball. Thirty one rushes from his two runningbacks and five more from Tony "I can't believe people think I'm dating Jessica Simpson" Romo to only 23 pass attempts (of which Romo completed 19!). That's how you beat the Colts and their 6"5," 230 lbs. quarterback with the laser, rocket arm. Go ahead, Ian, make a case for Drew Bledsoe now. Please, I want to hear it.

Question for you: How do you think Ashlee Simpson reacted when Terrell Owens said he'd like to double-date with Tony and Jessica? I say pre-rhinoplasty Ashlee: all for it. Post-rhinoplasty Ashlee: not a chance. What do you think?


I cannot think of more aesthetically deviated siblings than Jessica and Ashlee. Ashlee isn't too bad, but I have the feeling she's a strong candidate for the Kelly Clarkson Award, given annually to the celebrity that would be most unrecognizable without their makeup, or if not unrecognizable, at least make the viewer say, "No way!" at least three or four times. Jessica, meanwhile, speaking strictly physical, might be head-to-toe the most gorgeous celebrity alive. (By the way, is anyone else giddy about Britney Spears inevitably getting hot again? It's going to happen. I suggest getting on board on the bottom level, for otherwise you will waste the small window of gawkability before she finds husband #3 and has child #3.)

Anyway, the Cowboys are a very good team, and it seems Romo is the right quarterback for them. (Clearly, the Cowboys would have won by more than one possession last night if Bledsoe were QBing, but I won't get into that.) It just seems like the team has tried a lot harder of late. I didn't think teammates dislikes Drew Bledsoe, but perhaps that was the case. I'm not surprised with the results of the last five weeks, though I did expect them to lose a nailbiter last night. As you know, since pre-season, I've been a proponent of the Cowboys making noise in the playoffs this year, maybe even making a run at the Superbowl. I backed off that a bit when they were struggling, but this is the team that I expected. They have everything it takes to be an elite football team, except an experience quarterback. But Roethlisberger, Brady, and Warner weren't experienced either.

How do you see the NFC stacking up heading into the playoffs? This McNabb injury might clear the way for another playoff team that we didn't see coming. Thoughts?

Even before the McNabb injury the Eagles were not looking great in terms of the playoff picture, but now there's absolutely no question. The only thing this team has to look forward to is going to Dallas on Christmas Day where new Eagles starting quarterback Jeff Garcia can get reacquainted with former teammate Terrell Owens, who called him gay in a Playboy interview. Okay, so maybe the Eagles aren't looking forward to this as much as I am.

What this injury does is just take down one of the seven possible playoff teams in the NFC, leaving six to make it in almost by default: New York, Dallas, Chicago, Carolina, New Orleans, and Seattle. Some permutation of those six teams will fill out the seeding come playoff time. Philadelphia, Atlanta, San Francisco(!), St. Louis, Minnesota, one or more steps behind those six, are all 5-5 or worse. Of that lot, Atlanta probably has the best chance to make the playoffs, but they will have to win at least four, probably five, of their last six games against New Orleans, Washington, Tampa Bay, Dallas, Carolina, and Philadelphia. And this is a team that has lost three consecutive games to Detroit, Cleveland, and Baltimore. Maybe they can go 4-2 against those teams, but relying on the Falcons to play consistent football is like relying on these commercials to sell Macs.

And speaking of relying on things to do things, how about relying on LaDanian Tomlinson to score touchdowns? Anybody who drafted Larry Johnson ahead of him in fantasy football should be smacking their heads against their desks and anybody who drafted Shaun Alexander ahead of him should be on suicide watch. Tomlinson bangs out touchdowns as if they were groupies waiting outside his hotel room on a Saturday night: methodically, precisely, and with a great stiff arm.

Give me your feelings on how the AFC is shaping up. Could the Patriots be on course to host the Denver Broncos in the first round of the playoffs? And if that's the case, how badly do they need to get at least the third seed in the AFC?


I completely agree with your assessment of the NFC. I think those are the six teams going. The Bears will get the homefield, but the running storyline of the second half will be who can secure that second first round bye. Steelers aside, winning the Superbowl without that first round bye is quite difficult. Until this past weekend, I had given Seattle the inside track on that 2 seed, noting how they practically wrapped up the division, they were getting healthy and their running back would have a lot of carries left in him, and they had a cake schedule...but then they lost to San Francisco. I don't think I'll back off the assertion as Seattle as the #2 team, but if the Giants win tonight, they'll be a game up. Seattle's head to head victory over the Giants might end up deciding who gets that bye. It'll take 11 wins from the G-Men to get it, and that's asking a lot from a banged up team.

In the AFC, I don't know what we can make of the Colts. I think since this is finally the year we think they can't do it, this will be the year they do do it. They've never had the no-respect card in their hand, and it seems every champ from the last 6 years has played it. It's a pre-req to a Superbowl. They have the top seed, count on it. The road to the Superbowl goes through the RCA dome...just like last year when the Steelers safely traversed the road in a howitzer.

That 2 seed comes down to Baltimore, San Diego, Denver, and New England. (Chicago, Indy, and those four teams make up the best six teams in football. Once again, the AFC has five of them. What else is new?)

You could make a case for all of the other teams to take that second spot. Handicapping the race:

• San Diego is the best of the bunch and is tied with Baltimore for the top record of the four.
• Baltimore also has the top record, AND defeated San Diego head to head, but lost to Denver head to head. But they're just not as good as San Diego and will lose twice traveling to Cincy, KC, and Pitt.
• New England is a game back of these teams and loses out on the tiebreaker to New England. However, if they can defeat the Bears this weekend, they have the easiest schedule of the lot. (seriously: Detroit, Miami, Houston, Jax, Tennesee. Seriously serious.) They'll need to win all of them, though, as they already have three conference losses.
• Denver is one game back and has the tie breaker over New England AND Baltimore, but they do not have the tiebreaker on San Diego.

So, I think New England finishes at 12-4, good enough for the 3 seed behind San Diego. Baltimore drops two AFC games, gets the 4 seed and a first round hosting opportunity vs. Denver. New England draws whoever can squeeze themselves in at the 6 seed. My question to you, Saj: Who will that team be?

I'm not one to shy away from bold, ridiculous predictions. So my bold ridiculous prediction for the sixth AFC playoff spot: either the Jets, Bengals, Jaguars, or Chiefs. One of those four.

The Jets have a cakewalk schedule in Houston, Green Bay, Buffalo, Minnesota, Miami, and Oakland. However, they suck more balls than a crackwhore on Christmas. The Bears defense is good, but is it good enough to make Chad Pennington piss himself the way he did? Granted Chad Pennington probably pissed himself at Saw III, so the answer is no.

I got an interesting email from Jim (a Bengals fan) in Dayton, Ohio after they beat the Saints this weekend, "Hey jerkoff, it's Jim, a Bengals fan, from Dayton, Ohio. How you like us now, m*****f*****! HUH! Ocho Cinco, m*****f*****, Ocho m*****f****** Cinco!! CARSON PALMER RULEZ! M*****F*****!" Of course I made that fan email up because nobody reads this aside from Ian, and I never said anything disparaging about the Bengals, but Jim I think you are right on the money (except "RULEZ" should be spelled with an "S"). Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson is back to his bad motherlovin' self and that offense put up 72 points in the last two games. But to make the playoffs they have to win at least four more games, and that may prove difficult with Baltimore, Indianapolis, and Denver on the schedule (not to mention Pittsburgh in Week 17 potentially playing the spoiler). M*****f*****.

If the Jaguars can beat the Giants tonight, they will be 6-4 heading into week twelve. Assuming they steal one of their three tough games in the last six weeks (Indy, New England, Kansas City) and beat the teams they should beat (Buffalo, Miami, Tennessee) Jacksonville is looking at 10-6 and a probable spot in the playoffs. However, three of their four losses have come at the hands of Houston (3-7) and Washington (3-7) and the Jaguars actually beat Philly and Dallas when both teams were playing decent to good football. What does all of this mean? That nothing makes sense and a Jaguar team that does not beat the Giants tonight won't make the playoffs.

Ah, the Chiefs. The quietest 6-4 team in football and my pick for the final seed in the playoffs. Competent defense, freakishly talented runningback, and the Concussion Kid Trent Green is back in the saddle. Not only has this team beaten San Diego, Seattle, and St. Louis, they lost to Denver by only three points in Denver. Week 12 sees the Broncos coming to Arrowhead and given KC's track record in the AFC West, the winner will emerge as the number two in that division. If I were San Diego, and wanted the breathing room a Chief win would give me, I would send Shawne Merriman's trainer to Kansas City right away. Not an easy schedule (Denver, Cleveland, Baltimore, San Diego, Oakland, Jacksonville) but the Chiefs are good enough to handle business.

Ian, I know you don't hate the Jets as much as me so they must be your pick.

First, more people read this and you know it, so stop trying to illegitimatize our blog. (And I think you hurt our readers' feelings calling them no one.)

I was definitely taking the Chiefs for one simple reason: They're the best of the rest. They're great at home, they have a top workhorse running back, and a good regular head coach. They should get in, and as a Pats fan, that worries me.

The Jets, meanwhile, are a bad football team, and don't let your fellow New Yorkers tell you differently.


Good work. To our readers, we'll be back midweek, with some more football and some Red Sox offseason talk.

Football Friday: Week 10

Editors' note: Every week, these two idiots will play a Pick 'Em NFL game. The object is for each editor to pick four seemingly even NFL matchups from the upcoming weekend, challenging the other pick to the winners. A running record will be tallied. Feel free to play along at home. Leave comments with your own picks if you want to go on the record. Standings (Last week in parenthesis).

Standings (Week 8 in parenthesis)
Ian 18-10 (2-2)
Saj 11-17 (1-3)

To our loyal readers (and by that I mean Ian and myself) I would like to apologize for not posting a "Football Friday" for Week 9. Ian was busy volunteering with autistic children and I had to go on a business trip (being a bikini inspector is fun and all, but when beach season in Rio starts it can be very tiring).

As a consequence, Ian couldn't use Week 9, and all the havoc-wreaking games that happened, as a means to increase his 7 game lead over me. Let's see if he can capitalize on my NFL retardation this week:

San Francisco at Detroit (Sunday, 1:00)

San Diego at Cincinnati (Sunday, 1:00)

St. Louis at Seattle (Sunday, 4:15)

Chicago at NY Giants (Sunday, 8:15)


Never fear, Saj. If you go 3-1 for three straight weeks, you're back to .500 for the season. But you need to dedicate more time to the NFL! I still don't understand why you don't quit your bikini expecting job so we can get more blogging done.

Here are your four games for Week 10:

Kansas City at Miami (Sunday, 1:00). Your precious Dolphins at home against a bad road team.

Green Bay at Minnesota (Sunday, 1:00). The NFC Central. Love it or leave it. Welp, see ya later.

Baltimore at Tennessee (Sunday, 1:00). *Ian rubs his hands together.* Inside your head.

New Orleans at Pittsburgh (Sunday, 4:15). The feel good vs. the feel bad stories of the year.

Before I get to my picks, ESPN.com's Buster Olney just reported that Boston Red Sox may have the top bid for the rights to negotiate with Daisuke Matsuzaka. What does this mean? Probably nothing since this is all speculation.

I am wary of the scouts who say Matsuzaka is a top of the rotation kind of guy but given how he pitched in the WBC and how people temper their expectations of Japanese players after Irabu, Nomo, and (Kaz) Matsui, I'm inclined to believe them. Plus he is the only living man who can throw a GYROBALL. Positively exciting!

From a competitive balance standpoint: some team was going to overpay for Matsuzaka, why not the Red Sox (in part to keep him out of the Bronx)? And if Matsuzaka proves to be what he promises to be, you have a super marketable Asian player that will increase your team's international profile dramatically. Just as Ichiro did for the Mariners (not suggesting Matsuzaka is as good as Ichiro, he may not even be as good as Barry Zito). In the end, this is probably just a convoluted ploy to keep Matsuzaka from ever making it to any major league club this season. God bless this ridiculous posting system.

On to the picks:

MIAMI over Kansas City

I've gone too far into this season without picking against the Dolphins. Why start now? This cowboy is not changing horses midstream, that's for sure. Plus I'm still bitter that the one week the Chiefs get blown out is the same week in which I pick them to win. They had Ben Roethlisberger IN ARROWHEAD and he tore them to shreads? I am convinced the Chiefs lost to spite me. Will the Chiefs win this week? Probably.

MINNESOTA over Green Bay

The Packers lost to Buffalo last week. The Vikings beat Buffalo in Week 4. By the transitive property of equality, the Vikings will beat the Packers. Click here to see why my logic is unsound. I just don't see Chester Taylor not running for lots of yards on the Packers defense. I don't not see it.

BALTIMORE over Tennessee

Does anyone think that Steve McNair, who has something to prove in this game, is going to break down in tears screaming "Why don't you love me?!" to Jeff Fischer after the game? Me neither. He'll be a stonecold killer this game. Stonecold. Aside from losing out on all the money the Titans were set to pay him this year, he has to be happy with his situation in Baltimore. They essentially run the "Steve, Don't F*** Up" offense, relying on their defense to do most of their scoring. So listen closely Steve: don't f*** up.

PITTSBURGH over New Orleans

I see what you're doing here, I do. The Steelers are too good to be playing this poorly and the Saints are too bad to be playing this well. When in doubt make a whimsical pick and stick by it. As John Clayton says on ESPN.com. "The question facing him [Saints coach Sean Payton] is whether he's catchin the beleaguered Steelers at the right time or the wrong time." Thanks, John, way to go out on a limb here.

Thems my picks and I'm sticking to them.


I'll go on the record right now: Matsuzaka's career will pattern Hideo Nomo's. Watch for a solid rookie year, followed by a continual declination in success. I wish we could remember this prediciton five years from now. The question remains: Do I want the Sox to sign him? Only if A) The Yanks would get him otherwise AND B) It's for less than 10 million dollars a year.

Picks, to hold or expand my lead over the hapless Saj's:

Game 1: San Francisco @ Detroit: I feel like every week you give me some sort of crap matchup involving two crap teams playing like crap. Luckily for me, the crappy Lions have three things going for them: They're the better team, they're playing better football, and they're playing at home. I owe my success to never outhinking myself like Coach Belichick last Sunday. Pick: Detroit.

Game 2: San Diego @ Cincinnati: Do you remember in the first three weeks of the season when I called Cincinatti the best team in football to that point? And then I picked them to lose at home against the Patriots in Week 4. Clearly, I hold way too much power over the universe. I've received two emails from Cincinatti urging me to pick the Bengals to turn their season around, but I'd kind of like to see Chad Johnson flip out so they trade him to New England in the offseason. The Chargers are a very good team, though I worry about their longterm potential this season until Rivers learns how to throw to Antonio Gates (on both my fantasy teams). Handing off to LT is easy against the bottom two-thirds of the league...hell it's easy against anyone, I suppose. But it may not work as well against the Broncos, Ravens, and Patriots of the world. Against Cincinatti? It will work just fine. Pick: San Diego.

Game 3: St. Louis at Seattle: As far as I read it, still no Alexander, still no Mr. Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Result: Rams get a lead then Stephen Jackson finishes at +175 AYP. Pick: St. Louis.

Game 4: Chicago at NY Giants: Very tough game. VERY tough. Time to break it down, who has the advantage in these areas:
Offense: Giants
Defense: Bears
Special teams: Even
Coaching: Even

Damnit. That didn't help. It's not that tough to see Chicago losing back to back games. They clearly have issues, despite their 7-0 start. The Giants just took a hit with Toomer out for the year and Burress ailing. It's going to be a cold night game, and both teams can handle that. Since this all still leaves us even, and since they both have reasons to lose, I go to the tiebreaker that is never tied, unless it's the Superbowl. Homefield. Pick: New York

NFL: Pats vs. Colts fallout

Things have been hectic here in blog-land, so let's catch up with a recap of what's been going on in sports lately:

The Patriots defeated common sense playcalling and lost to the Colts, Tiger Woods started his own golf course design firm, Larry Brown settled with the Knicks on a $18.5 million pay day, and Terrell Owens proved that he's not only a narcoleptic, but that he's also a loudmouth a****** who can't catch the football.

That is certainly a very link heavy paragraph, I will give you time to sort through it before I publicly thank Ian for drafting my NBA fantasy team for me. Aside from a few missteps (READ: Nick Collison) he did a pretty good job building a fantasy team with no three point shooters or true point guards.


Yes, things certainly have been hectic, what with me covering the election and Saj pretending to have a social life. Let's wrap up loose ends before returning to Football Friday tomorrow.

I'm trying to figure out Belichick last weekend. I know there was some sort of reason for the crap he pulled. Like last year, when the Pats lost to Miami on the last week of the season. He had Flutie experiment with that drop kick, and on the last play I'm fairly certain he told Matt Cassel to not complete a pass. Cassel seemed to be "acting" disappointed when he didn't tie the game going for 2. Anyway, the purpose of this was clear. If the Pats won, they had to host the hot and physical Steelers in the first round. (That's right, I said hot and physical.) If they lost, they got to host Jacksonville in cooooold Foxboro. Which would you rather do? I would even go as far to say Belichick knew Pitt would upend Cincinatti, thereby going to Indianapolis the following week and either defeating top seeded Indy or at least beating them up before the AFC championship.

The point? Like me on the chess board, Belichick is usually four steps ahead of everyone else. So why didn't he do something as simple as run the ball against a run-defense more porous than Spongebob Squarepants? I began to consider reasons why he'd want to lose, like the Miami game next year. I wondered if it was better that we didn't show the Colts too much in the regular season. I wondered if Belichick and Brady wanted to get the reveivers' confidence up. I wondered if Belichick decided to drop acid while watching the Sunday afternoon games. But in the end, I decided there could be no reason that outweighs what a win would have accomplished.

Defeating the Colts would have put New England in the driver's seat for homefield advantage in the AFC. The Pats would be tied with the Colts but have the tiebreaker, as well as remain a game up on the Broncos. Now? The Pats are third behind those two squads, with teams like the Chargers and Ravens right there with two losses. It's a shame. Does anyone doubt New England would have had success running the ball? Travis Henry looked like the second coming of Emmit Smith, imagine what what Dillon and Maroney would have looked like.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Belichick got outcoached. Let's hope it doesn't happen again.

How about them Bears? If given the option of Bears, Giants, and Panthers or the field for the NFC Championship, which side do you take?

(One more thing...you fantasy team will be just fine. Just stay patient. And hold onto Collison for a while.)

Just dropped Nick Collison for Luke Walton. He's averaging more fouls per game than points. And you're right Belicheck was outcoached last Sunday. BY HIMSELF. The Colts did what they supposed to do (THEY WERE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE), they scored points. By not sending Maroney or Dillon up the gut on every first down play the Patriots were not exploiting their weakness.

Out of the NFC I'm going to take the field, I really am. You still have St. Louis, Atlanta, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Dallas, Seattle floating around out there. If you asked me which single team has the best chance to win the conference, I'd say the Giants.

Tony Romo: discuss.


I find Tony Romo as one of the more overrated players in the NFL. Leaving my partisan ship towards Drew Bledsoe out of this, let's take a look at Romo. He has three games worth of NFL experience. He has one NFL win under his belt. He threw three interceptions in his first half of football. He lost to a Washington Redskins team that his team handily defeated earlier in the year with the quarterback he replaced. And people are talking savior? To me, until he proves otherwise, he's just like JP Losman or Andrew Walter. I can't even say he's as good as Tampa Bay's Grostowksiskwksoiwki, because that kid is winning with a LOT less talent around him. Romo has Owens, Glenn, Witten, Jones, Parcells, and a top defense and couldn't beat Washington. That worries me.

So why is Tony Romo hailed a savior who is so loved by Cowboys fans? I've said this before. His name is Tony Romo. It's a great name.

Now I can tie in both of your points: Giants and Romo. I was eating dinner with some friends last night; one of them was a Giants fan and knowledgeable football fan. (But he wasn't the dreaded Giants-Yankees combo). He told me the exact moment he knew they were making the playoffs and, depending on Philly, winning the NFC East. It was when Parcells succumbed to the pressure and put in Romo, probably for the year. Until that point, he said, he was afraid of a dangerous Cowboys team, mostly because it was Parcells in his 3rd year. He said when they brought in the kid with no experience, it had him jumping for joy. (He also claimed to have predicted Romo getting picked off in his first throw.) This Giants fan said, and I'm paraphrasing: "Right there, I knew we would win that game, meaning we're in first place in the division over the Cowboys, and we would pull away because they just benched a 10+ year veteran for a kid with no experience outside of preseason and practice."

Okay, we should save the rest of football for Football Friday tomorrow.

NBA: Predictions

12:58 PM
I: The NBA is back. Rejoice. In ten years, the NBA will be as huge as the NFL and MLB. Mark my words.

The successful business that Bulls Michael Jordan left behind in 1998 has struggled almost as much as Wizards Michael Jordan. The NBA of yesteryear was popular, suave, and attracted fans of all ages...just like Bulls MJ. The NBA of late was a shell of itself, unsuccessfully trying to do things it once could, but falling painfully short...just like Wizards MJ (who can forget that missed dunk in the All Star Game?).

Until the NBA makes its full comeback, NBA fans like myself have to continually absorb insults thrown upon us and our precious league. The only good thing that came from this dip in NBA interest is that the few remaining NBA fans are strong, proud, and true. You can liken it to Red Sox fans before the 2004 World Series. If you were a Sox fan, you were probably a hardcore Sox fan.

Thankfully for the NBA, talented charismatic stars have made it through their formative years and are ready to take this country by storm. The best talent in the league is young. It starts with LeBron, D-Wade, and Carmelo and continues with Bosh, Arenas, Chris Paul, Yao, Amare, Dwight Howard, Josh Smith, and soon Gerald Green. Add in the plethora of veteran established stars still in their primes like Kobe, Duncan, Garnett, Dirk, Vince, Tmac, Nash, Pierce, Jermaine, Ray Allen, Brand, and Iverson, and you have a league that is bursting at the seams with marketable talent. Imagine if Shaq were still in his prime? (I think that has gone unnoticed...Shaq's admirable job of bridging the gap between MJ and LeBron. Sure, he's appreciated for the four titles and being the dominant player in the league, but not much is said about him, more than any other player of the last eight years, keeping the league alive. Just thought I should say it.)

Needless to say, I'm very excited to be back in the NBA season. Saj, I'd like to see some of your predictions. I want predicted division winners, surprises, dissapointments, Conference and NBA Finals. Feel free to just list them, and then I'll come back with my thoughts and even throw in some details to my picks.

As little as I know about the NFL, I know less about the NBA. But you're right, the NBA is chock full of very, very talented young men. I was watching the Knicks/Grizzlies game last night with my roommate Rob (a semi-Knicks fan) and was enjoying it for no other reason than Walt Frazier's amazing color commentary (scroll down and read under "Broadcasting" here.) when the most anemic triple overtime game in history broke out. I'm not going to harp on Jamal Crawford's (lack of) shot selection or how Isaiah Thomas left Channing Frye on the bench in crunchtime or even how terrible a game that actually was. What I will harp on is the fact that Rudy Gay and Hakim Warrick looked very, very good for the Grizzlies. And in the overtime periods, rookie Kyle Lowry, stepping in for the lame duck Damon Stoudamire, ran the offense like a veteran. My point, even though it's not so clear, is that there are A LOT of good young players in the NBA, even the guys that aren't stars (yet).

Predictions: I'm not good at these, I don't know enough, but here goes. NBA Champion: Los Angeles Clippers. Eastern Conference Champion: New Jersey (Brooklyn) Nets. Over/under on Pacers getting arrested on firearms and/or drug charges: 4. Number of times we see that quixotic "LeBrons" commercial where afro-ed Lebron does a fancy dive into the pool with his cellphone in his pocket: 157. MVP: Old man LeBron edges little boy LeBron in the closest MVP vote in history and all four LeBron incarnations are in the top ten. Most unlikely All-Star: Kevin Martin. Most likely All-Star that doesn't deserve it: Kobe (because he's an a******). Worst free throw percentage: Ben Wallace. NBA star I'd least like to fight: Ron Artest. NBA star I'd most like to fight: Steve Nash. Cutest: Dwyane Wade. Ok, I should probably stop there. Thoughts?


Nice ideas. I'll continue the format.
Most exciting thing about the coming season: LeBron James playing in four rounds of the playoffs. As you know, I teach high school. My oldest kid was 9 when Jordan was last a Chicago Bull. My youngest kids weren't born yet when the Bulls won their first championship. My point is, the Jordan they remember was the MJ that was a shell of himself in Washington. They never got to see greatness unfold. Well, you can see where this going. This generation now has its Michael Jordan.
Least exciting thing: The Atlantic Division. It's the Nets, two teams that are rebuilding, and two teams that are a mess. Due to this, I fully expect the Nets to have the best record in the Eastern Conference. Miam, Detroit, Cleveland, Chicago, Washington, and maybe Orlando will be beating up on each other all year in their tighter divisions. Hopefully, Little Lawrence Frank can rest Kidd and let the underrated Marcus Williams play more and more minutes, or at the very least sing the Munchkin Land song.
Feel good story: New Orleans will continue the sports resurgence of the city, continuing what the Saints started. Chris Paul is their Reggie Bush (quantum young talent) and Stojakavich is their Drew Brees (established, talented Free Agent coming off an injury). The Hornets, despite the difficult conference, WILL make the playoffs.
Feel bad story: Vince Carter will have a great year because it's his contract year, reminding us once again of how much a jerk he was in Toronto.
Funniest thing: Increased ejections. We've already Seen three players tossed out of gams for arguing, including Rasheed Wallace. Good luck with that one.
Most contrived storyline: Dallas and San Antonio hating each other.
Legitimate storyline: Can LeBron match Wade? Can Carmelo catch up to either? Can Chris Bosh say "What the f*** about me?!" in French-Canadian?
Huge years, perhaps unexpectedly: Ron Artest, Larry Hughes, Kirk Hinrich, Caron Butler, Emeka Okafor, Peja Stojakavich, Mike Miller, Ricky Davis, Lamar Odom, Shareef Abdur-Rahim.
MVP Race: Lebron, Duncan, Kobe, Nash, Kidd, Vince, Wade, Billups, Pierce, Dirk, Yao.
Atlantic: New Jersey (57 wins), Boston (41), Philly, Toronto, New York (21)
Central (TOUGH DIVISION): Chicago (53), Cleveland (51), Detroit, Milwaukee, Indiana (33)
Southeast: Miami (50), Orlando (48), Washington, Atlanta, Charlotte (27)
Southwest (TOUGHEST DIVISION): San Antonio (59), Dallas (56), New Orleans, Houston, Memphis (35) Northwest: Denver (55), Utah (47), Seattle, Minnesota, Portland (26)
Pacific: Pheonix (58), LA Lakers (51), LA Clippers (50), Sacramento, Golden State (29)

Eastern Conference: New Jersey, Chicago, Miami, Cleveland, Detroit, Orlando, Washington, Boston
Western Conference: San Antonio, Pheonix, Denver, Dallas, Lakers, Clippers, Utah, New Orleans

EC Final: Cleveland d. New Jersey
WC Final: San Antonio d. Pheonix

NBA Final: San Antonio d. LBJ in 6

NFL: Week 8 Recap

7:14 AM
I: Hold on to your seats. The NFL cannot have a better matchup coming up. On Sunday night, it's going to be Brady and Manning, playing as well as they ever have, on national television. They have the best two records in the best conference in football. It might be the best rivalry going in the sport. Good times for NFL fans.

But before we get there, let's recap on the weekend that was. My issues:
Did a dominating blow out of the 49ers smooth over any Chicago Bears concerns?
Are the Falcons back? Has Vick finally grown up?
Can the Cowboys make a deep playoff run with Romo as their quarterback?
Who are the best five teams in football? Do the Ravens, even with a bounce back game on the road against the formerly 5-1 Saints, belong among them? (I say no)

I await your thoughts on week 8.


2:00 PM
So much to say. As for the Bears: the starting field position for each of their five touchdowns on Sunday was, respectively, San Francisco's 15, 41, 13, 24, and their own 30. Four of those touchdown drives came directly after turnovers and the fifth came after a 42 yard David Hester punt return. Simply put, they were almost never in a position where they had to move the ball down the field to score points. Overall, the 49ers turned the ball over five times on Sunday, which begs the excellent quasi-philosophical question: which came first the Bears' ability to create turnovers or the 49ers' propensity to give them? Sorta like the "chicken or the egg" question except in this case the egg is wearing a gold helmet and has a large crack down the side. The answer lies somewhere in the middle (a hybrid chicken-egg, like a marshmallow Peep but not marshmallow) and will likely not be resolved until Chicago loses in the first round of the playoffs to a team with an offense that runs the ball well and doesn't turn the ball over.

As for Vick: two games does not a grown man make, but I will say that the Falcons play calling has been spectacular as of late. The play action roll out is, for anyone who has ever played with Vick in a video game, an absolute essential. You bring him outside, fake towards the line of scrimmage, pull the ball back up and fire a 30 yard completion. Cake. If it works in video games, it HAS to work in real life.

As for Romo and the Cowboys: yes, they can make a deep playoff run with Romo. In 2003, they made the playoffs with Quincy Carter as their starting quarterback. As a rule of thumb, whenever you've been embarassed by the Giants on Monday night and your offensive line is made of cardboard and you're essentially starting a rookie quarterback AND your head coach has more breast meat than Boston Market, you will probably make the playoffs because Quincy Carter did it in 2003 with an inferior team.

Best five? Chicago, Indy, New England, Giants, Falcons. I'm going to put Baltimore at six simply because I'm afraid Ray Lewis might read this and he is scary.

More talking points: Reggie Wayne's Big Adventure, How F****** Good Tom Brady Looked (knock on wood), and why my fantasy teams are floating in a stool-filled toilet bowl right now (hint: Jon Kitna had a bye week).


2:26 PM
The Giants and Falcons over the Broncos and Chargers? I don't knock the Broncos for losing to the Colts. Manning is playing out of his gord, and so is Brady, which makes Sunday night such a fantastic matchup. I can't shake the memory of Denver going into Foxboro and punishing the Pats. Between that and the Broncos playoff win last year, I keep them the #3 team. If, however, the Pats can beat the Colts the week after the Colts beat the Broncos, the Pats leap up to #2. (And how about Indy having to travel to Denver and New England back to back weeks?) As for the Chargers, their games are finally starting to resemble their talent, and their talent is as good as anyone. But to say I have concerns about their coach is like saying Chuck Schumer has concerns with Howard Dean as DNC Chairman. ZING.

Anyway, a quick run down: 1. Bears 2. Colts 3. Broncos 4. Pats 5. Chargers 6. Ray Lewis 7. Giants 8. Falcons 9. Bengals 10. Saints and then a line is drawn before teams like the Seahawks, Rams, Cowboys, Panthers, and Eagles. I like how the Pats play the top 3 teams on this list. It's great playoff preparation.

Reggie Wayne is arguably the best #2 receiver in the game, the arguments being Terry Glenn, Keyshawn, and TJ Houszmendahdahahdamzmdandheamdahada. It's remarkable to me how Marvin Harrison never speaks up. He really just wants to win, and he'll accept the other team's lock down corner and double teams to do it. If he can afford it, Reggie Wayne should buy Harrison dinner every Monday.

We're almost halfway through the season...how about them Steelers? Any other disappointments this year?

Disappointments? Miami. I know, I know, you were the only one clairvoyant enough to predict this but I had these guys in the playoffs. It just goes to show you that I'm terrible at everything.

And the Steelers, wow. Are they allowed to bench Ben Roethlisberger? Will the city of Pittsburgh boycott the team if they do that? And how often can you put all the blame for a team's loss on the quarterback? I mean all of it. The Raiders did absolutely NOTHING to help themselves win that game. They ran 49 plays for 98 yards. If Roethlisberger had even thrown one less interception the Steelers probably win. It's time for people to admit that he isn't that good. Sure he won a Superbowl, but Trent Dilfer won a Superbowl once too.


3:22 PM
Is there any team flying under the radar...say 3 losses or more...that you think can still make a run at a Superbowl? I say the Panthers still have a great shot, as you alluded to the Bears being in trouble come January, while the Panthers are a proven playoff success.

Also, with Brady and Manning playing such great football, is it safe to say that we have a legitimate Montana-Marino duo going on? Can anyone say with certainty that neither of these quarterbacks will one day be considered among the greatest five quarterbacks to step on the field? Also, who's the 3rd, 4th, and 5th best quarterbacks in the league, and how far back are they?

It may be too early to talk about runs at the Superbowl, I could see half the teams in the league there, but I will say this: look out for the Kansas City Chiefs. Remember, you heard it here FIRST. And who knew that Trent Green was older than Drew Bledsoe? Not even Trent Green knew that.

Of course I have no real reason to tell people to watch out for the Chiefs except that Herman Edwards has not gotten nearly enough facetime in the national media this season.

Third, Fourth, Fifth best quarterbacks in football? It's hard to say the way some of these guys are playing but: Carson Palmer, Matt Hasselbeck, Marc Bulger/Drew Brees (I cheated on the last one).


Somewhere, Donovan McNabb's mother threw up Campbell's chunky soup.