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Football Friday: Week 10

2007-11-08T19:34:00.000-05:00

Through nine weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 22-14.......... -- ..............4-0
Saj 19-17............ 3 ..............3-1

Same shit, different toilet. I'll catch you, you son of a bitch. Your games:

Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants (Sunday, 4:15pm)
Atlanta Falcons at Carolina Panthers (Sunday, 1:00pm)
Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday, 1:00pm)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Tennessee Titans (Sunday, 1:00pm)

Football Friday: Week 9

2007-11-02T16:03:00.000-04:00

Through eight weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 18-14.......... -- ..............2-2
Saj 16-16........... 2 .............3-1

You shaved another game. And your beard. Is there nothing I do better than you anymore?

Your games for the week:

Cincinatti Bengals at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints (Sunday, 1:00)
San Francisco 49ers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)
Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)

Wait a second. Are you saying that your beard is better than mine? Is that what you're saying? Because from what you wrote, I think that's what you're saying. You know, I wasn't going to do this, but...

New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts (Sunday, 4:15)

Sit on that. And these:

Green Bay Packers at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Carolina Panthers at Tennessee Titans (Sunday, 1:00)
Denver Broncos at Detroit Lions (Sunday, 1:00)

Did you try and get back at me by giving me one of the easiest games of the week? You work in mysterious ways... just like your fictional God. Yeah, I went there. This blog is crazy!

Green Bay @ Kansas City: Both of these teams are overachievers... but one is overachieving more. Pick: Green Bay

Carolina @ Tennessee: NFL picking 101: The NFC team with the inferior record and talent goes on the road. Pick: Tennessee

Denver @ Detroit: It's very disconcerting to have the Broncos as a bad team. For what seems like twenty years, they've been contenders. Admittedly, I was slow this year to discount them from the batch of contenders and I have picked them too many times. I am not making that mistake again. Week 9 has arrived, and Denver is a bad football team. On a side note, hats off to the Detroit Lions for overachieving to this point. That's a team I don't mind seeing success strike. Pick: Detroit

New England @ Indianapolis: I can't write rationally about this game. It's the biggest regular season NFL game I can remember and my favorite team is involved. I cannot be objective. So, with that caveat: The Pats are ridiculously great. Since Week 1 I've been calling an undefeated season. So how, then, could I pick the Colts this weekend? I cannot. Nor do I wish to. Nor should I. Nor should anyone. Pick: PATS!!!!

Cincinatti Bengals at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)

True story, Marshawn Lynch loves eating at Applebee's. You have to admire a man whose willing to admit that. BILLS

Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints (Sunday, 1:00)

JAGUARS

San Francisco 49ers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)

FALCONS

Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)

TEXANS

Football Friday: Week 8

2007-10-26T16:14:00.000-04:00

Through seven weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 16-12.......... -- ..............2-2
Saj 13-15........... 3 .............2-2

Still within striking distance...

Your games:

Browns at Rams (Sunday, 1:00)
Lions at Bears (Sunday, 1:00)
Eagles at Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
Packers at Broncos (Monday, 8:30)

If by "within striking distance," you meant "false hope," then you'd be correct.

Yours:

Buffalo Bills at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Sunday, 1:00)
New York Giants at London Dolphins (Sunday, 6:00 GMT)
New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers (Sunday, 4:15)

Buffalo Bills at New York Jets

I just don't think I can convince myself to take Chad Penningt0n on the road. Or at home. Even against the Bills. Whatever happens in this game it won't change the fact that 'Mangenius' is getting trashed in the locker room. In general I wish Mangini only success. But not as long as he's the Jets coach. I want to see him mangle the season, lose his job, get hired by the Falcons, and lead them to a 2009 Superbowl win over Herm Edwards' Kansas City Chiefs. If that happens, Jets' fan and roommate Rob would commit suicide. Between the Jets continued decline into suckitude and the pitching-poor Mets having to choose between signing Kyle Lohse and Carlos Silva this offseason I think the borough of Queens is going to implode. By the way, even money says Joel Pineiro or Jeff Weaver is starting the Mets' third game of the season. BILLS

Jacksonville Jaguars at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I never thought I'd say this, but the injury and subsequent loss of David Garrard will be the difference in a professional football game. Weird, right? And as if we needed anymore evidence of how much every non-Patriots, non-Colts team in the NFL sucks the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were 4-12 last year, will win the NFC South with Earnest Graham as their starting tailback. Even weirder. BUCCANEERS

New York Giants at London Dolphins

Really? What can I really say about a game where Cleo Lemon has to face the best pass-rush in football? I mean, I could speculate on when exactly Osi Umenyiora (sp?) and Antonio Pierce snap Lemon's neck like a chicken bone but I'm not one for speculating. Some points: 1) Nice touch with the Greenwich Mean Time. And 2) Did you hear about the giant statue of Jason Taylor in Trafalgar Square? The ghost of Horatio Nelson must be really, really pissed off. I think the Giants will win this game handily, but the real winner is the people of London. I mean, even a 26-foot tall animatronic Jason Taylor must be damn cute. GIANTS

New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers

If Drew Brees doesn't throw the ball to Marques Colston I will be very upset. And you won't like when I'm upset. SAINTS

Cleveland @ St. Louis: The Rams and Dolphins are racing to the #1 pick, though since I don't follow amateur sports too closely, I don't know who that's going to be. The possible returns of Stephen Jackson and Marc Bulger could ruin top-pick potential for St. Louis. I'm not sure homefield will mean much for the rest of the year for the Rams, and at some point, when the fans are openly rooting against them, homefield could have a negative impact. The Browns are not that good... but they're better than the worst. Pick: Cleveland

Detroit @ Chicago: Pass-based dome team in a cold, windy city. Hmmmm... Pick: Chicago

Philadelphia @ Minnesota: I'm starting to realize you gave me the most boring games possible. Yikes. What does someone say about Eagles-Vikings? They are too utterly mediocre teams with no upside or downside. They're locks to be betweeen 6 and 8 wins. So I'll take the home team. Pick: Minnesota

Green Bay @ Denver: This Monday Night Football game will be on at the same time as a potential Game 5 of the World Series. It's going to be a sad, sad Tuesday morning in Colorado. Pick: Green Bay

Football Friday: Week 7

2007-10-19T07:53:00.000-04:00

Through six weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 14-10.......... -- ..............2-2
Saj 11-13........... 3 .............2-2

Man, last week was such a terrible week for me. Nice week for you, though.

Your games:

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans (Sunday, 1:00)
Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:05)
Chicago Bears at Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday, 4:15)
Indianapolis Colts at Jacksonville Jaguars (Monday, 8:30)

Yes. Terrible, terrible week for Jimmy the Greek over there. I'm coming back up in this shit like J-Lo.

Yours:

New York Jets at Cincinnati Bengals
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Detroit Lions
Baltimore Ravens at Buffalo Bills
Minnesota Vikings at Dallas Cowboys

New York Jets @ Cincinnati Bengals: Is it safe to say that these were the two most overrated teams in football coming into the season? I think it's safe to say that. Many picked these teams to go to the playoffs. A majority of prognosticators picked them to finish second in their respective divisions. Their head coaches were lauded for their success reshaping the franchises. But now? No playoffs for either team. They're in the bottom two of their divisions. Thought, to be fair, the Jets, at 1-5, are only a half game back of second place. (Can I mention something else here? Is anyone paying attention to the AFC East Standings? The Patriots, after six weeks, have five more wins than the second place team. Doesn't this have to be a record after six weeks? I mean, the Pats could clinch their division by Week TEN, which also has to be some kind of record. Why is no one talking about this?) And, of course, these coaches are heavily criticized, from Eric Mangini's bungling of CameraGate which has made the entire league hate him, to Marvin Lewis apparently forgetting he's a defensive-minded head coach. Not a good job by these two one-win teams and coaches. I guess I'll go with the home team on this one. Pick: Cincinnati

Tampa Bay @ Detroit: This is a pretty important game for this early in the season. The Bucs, at 4-2, sit tied with Carolina atop the NFC South. The Lions, at 3-2, might be contenders, but are on the precipice of devolving back into the pack of also-rans. Which will happen? The latter. In fact, it's already begun. Detroit is 1-2 in its last three games. Pick: Tampa Bay

Baltimore @ Buffalo: I am of the sort that thinks Baltimore is not terribly good. They are not a championship contender. Their vaunted defense is a shell of its former dominant self that became so popular in the early part of this decade/century/millennium. But this is the Buffalo Bills. At least Baltimore can do a little something something on both sides of the football. Pick: Baltimore

Minnesota @ Dallas: The Cowboys' shellacking at the hand of the New England Patriots were the best thing that could have happened to the guys from the Big D. Without a match up against a quality team early in the season, Dallas would have coasted through the season with undefeated big heads who would have no idea the kind of talent it takes to win the whole thing. The Pats' slap in their face, however, brought them back to reality. Now they know, and I expect them to become a better team because of what happened last Sunday, and they'll make a run to the NFC Championship game. Pick: Dallas

Picking Dallas? After Adrian Peterson pulled a Walter Payton on the Bears last week? Interesting...

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans

Vince Young should be starting despite a strained right quadricep (cue WebMD graphic... now) and that's bad news for the Texans. They love Vince Young in Texas. LOVE. A Houston native who won the Longhorns the national title over a higher ranked USC team, that legacy just doesn't disappear. Poor Texans. Not only are they second-fiddle to the Cowboys as professional franchise but they might be seventh or eighth fiddle to the glut of storied college and high school football programs in Texas. Anyway, long story short, purely for marketing reasons they should have drafted Young (or at least Bush) but they didn't. Also, the Titans gave up the most rushing yards per game last year and the Texans rank 29th in rushing yards per game so far this season. Something... has got... to give..... TITANS

WebMD sidenote: Thank God for the WebMD graphics. Last night, Fox showed me a perfectly healthy WebMD graphic guy for the purpose of telling me that Josh Beckett was not injured in any way shape or form. As my friend Jeff said to Chris Myers once at Fenway: "Hey Chris, Fox is ruining baseball"

Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders

You know what's funny about this game? If the Chiefs win, and with the San Diego bye week, they will be in sole possession of first place in the AFC West. I mean, wow. And if the Raiders win they will scare first place with the Chargers. I mean, wow wow. I'm glad I'm a Patriots fan. Speaking of Patriots, if I were to buy a Patriots jersey, which one do I buy? I was dead set on Maroney before the season but now I don't know. Ben Watson? Richard Seymour? Randy Moss?!?!? Maybe I should just go with the retro mid-90's Ben Coates or the even more retro mid-80's Irving Fryar. Or just get a custom number 12 jersey with "Model Fucker" on the back. I just don't know. RAIDERS

Chicago Bears at Philadelphia Eagles

Eagles at home? I'll take it! Sidenote: Brian Westbrook is fast. Faster than Adrian Peterson. I have no idea if that's true. EAGLES

Indianapolis Colts at Jacksonville Jaguars

You had to do this to me. I'm picking the Colts here, and for only one reason: When the Patriots play the Colts in week 9 I want both teams to be undefeated. And I want the Colts to lose by 106 points. Bill Belichick will make sure that happens. He will treat Week 9's game as the biggest game of his coaching career after last year's playoff loss. COLTS

Why Josh Beckett Must Start Game 4

2007-10-16T07:06:00.000-04:00

If you don't know where you come down on the Beckett or Wakefield argument for tonight's Game 4, just consider this hypothetical scenario: If tonight's Game 4 were rained out, would Josh Beckett pitch tomorrow's game 4 on normal rest?

The answer is unequivocally yes.

And that's why Josh Beckett is the no brainer for tonight.

Is anyone questioning Beckett's effectiveness if he pitches tonight? He's 2-0 in his playoff career on three days rest. He threw one of the great World Series games on three days rest. He's completely in the zone. Sending him against Paul Byrd is the closest thing the Red Sox have to a sure thing in this series.

That is, except, Josh Beckett vs. Jake Westbrook in a potential Game 7.

And that's the crux of the issue, and neither of the WEEI guys acknowledged it in the debate this morning. The Red Sox have the potential to send Josh Beckett, head and shoulders their best pitcher, out to the mound three times this series, including a Game 7 where he'd be on FULL rest, thanks to scheduled offdays after Games 4 and 5.

I understand that the Red Sox don't want to push up Schilling and DiceK into games 5 and 6. I understand they want to give them longer than normal rest. Fine. Throw Wakefield in Game five instead of four. That's right, I'm saying let's go Beckett-Wakefield instead of Wakefield-Beckett.

The difference? Game 7.

Down two games to one means the Sox have to win three out of the next four. If Wakefield, on 18 days rest and a sore back and a cortizone shot and a terrible September, puts the Sox in a 3-1 series hole after tonight, then Boston needs to win three in a row, and that includes a DiceK Game 7 start. That's a tall order against a good Cleveland Indians club.

Finally, to really drive home the point, let's look a the four possible scenarios after tonight.

1. Wakefield starts, Red Sox lose, falling down 3 games to 1. Read the above paragraph.
2. Wakefield starts, Red Sox win, tying the series 2-2. The Red Sox still have to win two out of three, with two games coming against Sabathia and Carmona, and the last being another Matsuzaka start.
3. Beckett starts, Red Sox win, tying the series 2-2. The Red Sox have to win two out of the next three, but if they can win either Game 5 or 6, then they have Beckett on full rest against Westbrook in Fenway for Game 7. This is the most likely scenario.
4. Beckett starts, Red Sox lose, falling down 3 games to 1. Is there any possibility Beckett loses to Paul Byrd? I mean, at all?

Josh Beckett must start Game 4.

Football Friday: Week 6

2007-10-12T10:48:00.001-04:00

Standings after five weeks of riveting NFL action:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 12-8.......... -- ..............3-1
Saj 9-11........... 3 ..............2-2

Here are your Week 6 games:

Washington Redskins at Green Bay Packers
Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars
Tennessee Titans at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Miami Dolphins at Cleveland Browns

Order was restored last week, with our most common results once again having representation. Your games:

Cincinatti Bengals at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons (Monday, 8:30)

Cincinatti Bengals at Kansas City Chiefs

I was reading Peter King's fantasy football column today and he told me to pick up Cincinnati running back Kenny Watson. So I did. In both leagues. You heard right. I might start Kenny Watson in two separate leagues this week. Kenny Watson. Both leagues. I think I'm legally obligated to support the Bengals here. BENGALS

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets

J-E-T-S, SUCK SUCK SUCK!! There is very little I enjoy more than watching the Jets lose week in and week out. I believe the Germans call that "schadenfreude." Also, the longterm success of my fantasy team depends on Bryant Westbrook running for lots of yards and scoring lots of points. I believe the Germans call that "IhaveafantasyfootballcrushonBryantWestbrook." Crazy Germans and their made up words. EAGLES

Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals

Just when you think Matt Leinart might suffer the indignity of losing his job to a 36-year-old Kurt Warner, the lucky bastard goes and breaks his collarbone. Leinart, you son of a bitch. While you're having a pain-killer fueled orgy with the Hilton sisters and Hayley Duff I hope you're at least sorta thinking about your teammates suffering through three hours of poorly executed football. CARDINALS

New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons

You never really know what will happen with this Giants team. One week you pick them to win and they lose and the next week you pick them to lose and they win. You just never really know. Except for this week. They will win. The Plaxico/D'Angelo Hall matchup should be fun to watch. And fingers crossed for Brandon Jacobs to bulldoze the Falcons defense for 200 yards and three scores (fantasy implications). GIANTS

With four 1:00 games, my fate will be decided before the Dallas-New England showdown (Pats by 17, by the way).

Washington @ Green Bay: Sooooo, it turns out the Packers don't have a running game and everyone knows it now. And an aged Brett Favre is not good enough to play well against a defense that knows he has to throw. Favre hasn't been that good since the 90's. The Redskins, meanwhile, are turning into a solid NFC team, perhaps the third best team in the conference. Pick: Washington

Houston @ Jacksonville: It's clear that Houston is not the same team without Andre Johnson. On the subject... Andre Johnson is out for Week 6. Pick: Jacksonville

Tennessee @ Tampa Bay: A battle of conference mid-tier teams. You know what that means! Go with the AFC team. Pick: Tennessee

Miami @ Cleveland: Cleo Lemon, leading an 0-5 Miami Dolphins team on the road, against an underrated Cleveland Browns team that's 2-1 at home. Ladies and gentlemen, the Browns are about to be .500 heading into Week 7, which is a bye week, and then they go and play a winless St. Louis team in Week 8. We could be looking at a 4-3 Browns team for the first time since what I can only assume was Bernie Kosar leaning over center. But first, they need a win at home against the Fins. Pick: Cleveland

Football Friday: Week 5

2007-10-04T15:49:00.000-04:00

Standings after four weeks:

Standings.....GB....Last week's record
Ian 9-7.......... -- ..............0-4
Saj 7-9.......... 2 ..............3-1

All right, Saj. Gift given. Time to get serious again. Your games:

New York Jets at (kinda) New York Giants (Sunday, 1:00)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Detroit Lions at Washington Redskins (Sunday, 1:00)
Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers (Sunday, 8:15)

Comebacks are like women, Ian. Women with large breasts.

Seattle Seahawks at Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday, 1:00)
Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (Sunday, 1:00)
Atlanta Falcons at Tennessee Titans (Sunday, 1:00)
San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos (Sunday, 4:15)

Seattle @ Pittsburgh: In my opinion, these are two top 5 teams in football (with Pats, Indy, and Dallas). This rematch of Superbowl XL will have similar results, especially the results that show that a top tier NFC team is not as good as a second tier AFC one. Pick: Pittsburgh

Carolina @ New Orleans: This is a great example of a home team with some urgency doing what it takes to win a football game. This is also a great example of Reggie Bush's breakout party. Pick: New Orleans

Atlanta @ Tennessee: Hey, my Knock-Out pool pick for week 5! I've taken Seattle, Chicago, Baltimore, and Dallas in the first four weeks. Yes, I still have the Pats and Indy... but I'm saving them to go the distance. This week, I'll take the team playing one of the worst teams in football on the road. Pick: Atlanta loses... so I guess Tennessee

San Diego @ Denver: First, a caveat: I am using the same justification this week that I used for San Diego's game last week when I mistakenly took them. The Chargers can't possibly fall another game under .500. I know that they go on the road this week whereas last week they were at home. I know they're playing a better team in Denver compared to the putrid Kansas City Chiefs of Week 4. But I also know that San Diego has not yet had reason to panic about their season... until now. Now there's some urgency. Now there's a realization that a playoff birth will not again be handed to them on a platter. And Denver is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Pick: San Diego

New York Jets at (kinda) New York Giants

The real loser in this game: the city of New York. By Monday morning the Yankees will have been swept, James Dolan will be cutting a fat check to Anucha Brown-Sanders, Tom Glavine will have officially left the Mets, and the greater metropolitan area will have to suffer through watching this exercise in football futility. My final prediction? The Giants edge out the Jets: seven false start penalties to five rushing touchdowns allowed. GIANTS.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Kansas City Chiefs

When in doubt go with the home team that has Larry Johnson. CHIEFS.

Detroit Lions at Washington Redskins

I still think the Redskins are the real deal even if their coaching staff isn't. This looks like a 45-40 game if I ever saw one. REDSKINS.

Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers

Brett Favre vs. Rexian Grossiese? PACKERS.

MLB Playoffs

2007-10-02T15:52:00.000-04:00

First, Saj, let me say that last night (Padres-Rockies) was one of the greatest "regular season" baseball games I've ever seen. Rarely do I stay up past 10:00 on a school night, but last night earned it. Simply an amazing game. It's been written about to death, so I won't spend too much more time on it, except to say this:

Will Colorado ride this momentum (their last 15 games and last night's classic) to make some noise in the National League? And on that note, what can we make of the National League playoffs? Couldn't you make a case for any one of the teams, the best argument for each being that the other three team have significant holes? Basically, Saj, I ask you: Who's winning the National League pennant?

Funny story. Watching the mad dash in the NL this past week for the final playoff spot(s) made me remember exactly how much I love baseball when the games matter. Every pitch, every swing, every baseball-related cliche. Which is why I told myself that I was going to watch the Rockies-Padres game. Unfortunately for quasi-playoff baseball, I love barbecue more. So roommate Rob graciously set the game to record and I set off to gorge myself on dead animal and Southern alcohol. I return home around 11 only to find that the game is still going on, ignore it in favor of the Patriots game (and, sure, maybe "The Hills"), finally sit down to watch the Rocks-Pads around midnight, and promptly fall into a slumber only eight bourbons and three pounds of meat can produce. What this means is that even though I saw the highlights on espn.com today, I will still go home and try to watch the game in it's entirety all the while getting sidetracked by "House" and whatever other crappy television is on tonight.

To answer your question: No. Don't get me wrong, I love the Rockies. I want the Rockies to win the NLCS (and the World Series if Boston doesn't). I want to see Todd Helton play some meaningful baseball for once. I want a bronze statue of Dante Bichette and Vinny Castilla getting steroid injections in the front lawn of my future home. But I don't see them getting past the Phillies in a short series where the Phillies will have Cole Hamels starting twice, Brett Myers pitching multiple innings out of the bullpen, homefield advantage, and Rollins/Utley/Howard. If you want evidence for this matter, look at Matt Holliday's home-away splits: his OPS jumps 300 points at home to a Bondsian 1.157. That's no accident, the Rockies are lethal at home, average on the road.

That being said, Colorado does have the best adjusted record of the remaining (read: non-Mets) NL playoff teams and they do have decent pitching for a team from Coors Field. I hope they make noise, Ian. I do. But the Phillies are probably the toughest draw in the field right now and Chase Utley is the dreamiest son of a gun this side of Harrisburg.

Pennant winner prediction: Anyone but the Diamondbacks. You heard it here, FIRST.

Football Friday: Week 4

2007-09-27T19:26:00.000-04:00

Standings after three weeks:

Standings.....GB
Ian 9-3.......... --
Saj 4-8.......... 5

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Oakland pulls the old switch-a-roo on Phil Dawson, Joe Gibbs and Jason Campbell completely f**k up an otherwise awesome two minute drill, and somehow Nate Burleson catches a football thrown to him. I mean come on. Admit it, Ian. The God you don't believe in loves you. F**king loves you. Here are your games:

Chicago Bears at Detroit Lions
Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants

Gamesmanship, Ian. Giving YOU the Giants this time.

You're lucky. My respect for gamesmanship nullifies my disrespect for you. Your games:

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
New York Jets at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)
Houston Texans at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 1:00)
Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns (Sunday, 1:00)

I had a very difficult time finding a 3rd and 4th challenging game, so I just decided to have some fun and go with all 1:00 games. You potentially being 4-0 by 4:30 could put the pressure on me to win in the afternoon and night, but you being 1-3 (again) means I could continue squeezing the life out of you. Good times.

Green Bay at Minnesota

How about them Packers, huh? True fantasy football draft story: In the 9th round of our draft I had yet to pick a quarterback (effectively punting the position) and I turn to Ian and I say, "should I grab a QB here?" And he says, "you should have grabbed a QB four rounds ago. Yes, draft a QB." So instead I draft Devery Henderson. Yes, Devery Henderson. The draft snakes: Kitna, Roethlisberger, and Alex Smith all fall off the board and I draft Brett Favre. I'm not sure if I can truly explain how it feels when "I should have drafted Jon Kitna" is how you describe your fantasy football draft. I don't think the words exist in the English language. And since I don't speak any other languages I just can't articulate the exact mixture of dread, self-pity, and confusion I was feeling. Long story short, Favre has been pretty good so far and there's a reason for hope in Camp Saj.

New York Jets at Buffalo

You know, it's really hard to read a team that just got whomped by the best team in America, especially when they lost their starting quarterback in the process, but I'm going to have to go with Buffalo here. The Bills will be at home, they have a solid defense, and, even with rookie Trent Edwards at quarterback, Marshawn Lynch should have a field day running against a Jets defense that gave up 200 yards to Ronnie Brown last week. I truly believe that Buffalo will win this game. I swear this is not a run-of-the-mill Saj anti-Jets pick. I swear.

Houston Texans at Atlanta Falcons

Put yourself in Matt Schaub's shoes for a second. Are you upset that the Vick stuff happened after you left for Houston? Or relieved? Sure there's some talent behind the ball in Atlanta, but the playbook had been written for a Michael Vick not a Matt Schaub. And, in Houston, you're breathing life into a franchise that never had any as part of a team that is basically all yours. Texans.

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns

To borrow a Simmons-ism: "Call me crazy, but I'm just not that excited for the Derek Anderson-era." I'm not saying Kyle Boller or Steve McNair are any better, but I am saying that Willis McGahee and Ed Reed are. To borrow a Madden-ism: "Playmakers. On both sides of the ball. Watch this... BOOM!" Sidenote: how fat is Romeo Crennel? Really fat, or really, really fat?

Going into last week, I was like, "Man, I can't possibly go 3-1 for a third consecutive week to start the season, can I? I mean, consistently getting 75% correct picks in the NFL when six to eight of the easiest games are always taken off the table is impossible, right?" But I'll be damned, I actually went 3-1 again. Did ya notice, Saj? Did ya?

But come on. I can't possibly go 3-1 AGAIN, can I?

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions: The division title is not changing hands this year. The Bears might play .500 football outside of the NFC North, but I don't think the Bears lose more than one division game all year. That includes against the rejuvinated Green Bay Packers, and it DEFINITELY includes the party-juvinated Detroit Lions. Pick: Chicago

Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins: Just one thought on this pathetic game: As the home team, the Miami Dolphins have the option of wearing their white jerseys. This leaves Oakland with their blacks. In Miami. In September. You'll be lucky to get three coherant quarters of a team that's untalented to begin with. Pick: Miami

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Carolina Panthers: Hey, these teams have been to Superbowls this century! And now they stink! Good times. Can we say enough about the Pats to be in the hunt every year for the last six? These two teams used to be premier and now I'm forced to pick between the lesser of who sucks less. When in doubt, go with the home team. Pick: Carolina

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants: Hey, another NFC divisional game! Thanks, Saj. I mean, it's such a good conference. What, you couldn't throw me an NFC West game, too? As for this one, I don't know many things, but I do know this: The Eagles are the NFC's closest version of the Patriots (good coaching, consistent effort, perennially contending in their conference), and the Giants are a bad football team. Pick: Philadelphia

Football Friday: Week 3

2007-09-21T07:00:00.000-04:00

Standings after two weeks:

Standings.....GB
Ian 6-2.......... --
Saj 3-5.......... 3

I won't feel safe until Saj is at least 14.5 games back with three months to play. Because that kind of lead is insurmountable in sports.

Saj, good luck making up ground with these picks:

Miami Dolphins at New York Jets (Sunday, 1:00)
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday, 1:00)
Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Giants at Washington Redskins(Sunday, 4:15)

The "luck", friend, will need to be good for YOU. Yes. You.

St. Louis Rams at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Sunday, 1:00)
Cincinnati Bengals at Seattle Seahawks (Sunday, 4:05)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Denver Broncos (Sunday, 4:05)
Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 4:15)

Miami Dolphins at New York Jets

I know what you're thinking, Ian. But I've learned a thing or two over the offseason- namely that it's okay to pick the Jets every once in a while. Roommate, and Jets' apologist, Rob is going to the game this weekend and he was excited because "they actually might win this one." Oh, to be a Jets fan. A year ago I would have opted to pick against the Jets with blatant disregard for whomever they're playing, but Rob's defeatist attitude has turned me, slightly. Think of this more as a sympathy nod than anything. Sympathy sidenote: No sympathy for Mangini when he goes 4-12 and loses the "Man-genius" title. Wake up, New York, the Jets scored 23 more points than they allowed last year. They're no good. But Miami is worse.
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs

Really? Kansas City is terrible. And Minnesota has the second coming of Tony Dorsett in Adrian Peterson. By the way, how much must it suck to be a Chiefs fan? Your franchise running back holds out all of training camp, the feel good story of the last few months (Priest Holmes) fails to make his comeback, you're 0-2 in competent quarterbacks, and HBO chose to profile you in training camp just before a 1-15 season. It's like watching the two months of a junkie's life before he goes on the 17 week bender that will leave his broken, emaciated carcass propped up against a dumpster in an alley.

Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders

Cleveland. I have a story to tell everyone. Ever since Derek Anderson's 5 touchdown performance Ian has been consistently trying to pawn him off on my in our fantasy league. And that's just insulting. Yes, I know my quarterbacks are Brett Favre and Kyle Boller. But still, shame on you, Ian. Shame on you.

New York Giants at Washington Redskins

Why do you keep doing this to me? For some reason I think the Giants are good. Maybe it's the uniforms. They do have nice ones. It's high time I realize that they aren't good. And Washington, somehow in someway, is better. If Brett Favre and Tony Romo can pick apart the Giants defense like they did then Jason Campbell will throw for 600 yards and 12 touchdowns this week. All to Santana Moss. And I will win my fantasy game by just starting him and no one else. So it has been said, so it shall be done.

I'll jump right into the picks after I say this: I successfull traded Derek Anderson today.

St. Louis Rams @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Two lousy teams here. As I foreshadowed last week, the Rams are clearly on their way down. This is the first time they opened 0-2 since Kurt Warner's squad tried to rebound from the Superbowl loss against New England. Do you think the Rams are starting to regret giving an enormous contract to a system quarterback who has a 54% completion rate after two games in St. Louis' dome? Now they go on the road. Not that the Bucs are any good, but at least they beat a talented New Orleans team last week. Pick: Tampa Bay

Cincinatti Bengals @ Seattle Seahawks: Two talented offensive teams, and the Bengals probably have the better offense. However, the Seahawks have two things going for them. One, they're playing in one of the more advantageous home fields in football. Two, they didn't give up 51 points to the Cleveland Browns. This postgame is loaded with "The Bengals have given up 90 points in the last two weeks" potential. Pick: Seattle

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Denver Broncos: Denver is without a doubt the luckiest team in football over the first two weeks...except for the Chargers and Jets, who are lucky the Patriots didn't beat them by 35 points each. I fully expect this to be a close game. And I fully expect the Broncos to once again come out on top. Pick: Denver

Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons: I'm sick of people trying to be optimistic about the Falcons. They're simply not that good, especially their offense, defense, and special teams. Stop picking them, everyone; even if they're at home. Word to the wise: wait until they win a game before picking Atlanta. Pick: Carolina

Week 2 Picks

2007-09-14T07:11:00.000-04:00

First, standings after one week:

Standings.....GB
Ian 3-1.......... --
Saj 2-2.......... 1

Now to take that lead wire-to-wire. Saj isn't making it easy, this week giving me three very tough games.

Houston Texans @ Carolina Panthers: I rank this as the third toughest game to pick this week, though I'm truly divided. I'm very happy for Houston to start out with a win last week to energize a near dormant franchise, but let's remember it was against one of the few teams that's worse than them (Kansas City) and it was in Houston. Now they go visit a Panthers team that's coming off a hard fought win in St. Louis' dome. Simply, the Panthers beat the better team in Week 1 and this game is in Charlotte. Pick: Carolina

San Francisco 49ers @ St. Louis Rams: This is the second toughest game to pick. For the past half decade, this would have been a no-brainer, as the Niners have been mired in mediocrity while St. Louis is playing meaningful football every December and sometimes January. Throw in the fact that the Rams are at home, and it should be a gimme. Still, these two franchises are going in opposite directions. St. Louis is fulfilling the second half of the "what goes up" idiom, while San Francisco is putting together a talented young core with a competant head coach. Furthermore, the 49ers, coming off a win against Arizona to open the season, now have the opportunity to be the clear-cut #2 team in the NFC West. That's quite a motivator. Pick: San Francisco

Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions: And here's the crapshoot. I have no idea who will win this game, nor do I ever when these two teams play. Neither of them have been good this millenium. They're dome teams. They both have shaky quarterbacks, head coaches, and a terrible track record in big games. So when they play each other? It's like watching Cosmo Kramer and Rob Petry race through an obstacle course. (There's a strong chance many of you are too young to get that joke.) Anyway, time to fall back on the maxim. When in doubt, take the home team. Pick: Detroit

New York Jets @ Baltimore Ravens: Annnnd easy money. Another gift from Saj. Pick: Baltimore

Those are the games you're giving me? Seriously? This could legitimately be my first 4-0 week. I am very, VERY excited.

Green Bay Packers at New York Giants

I have Brett Favre on my fantasy team and even I'm not optimistic about him against a Giants team that gave up 45 points to Tony fucking Romo. GIANTS

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals

Really? No, seriously. Did you even watch last week's Cardinals - Niners game? HAWKS

Dallas Cowboys at Miami Dolphins

No. COWBOYS

Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles

Again. No. EAGLES

Football Friday: Week 2

2007-09-13T15:35:00.000-04:00

Let's just call week one a tie.

Ian, your games:

Houston Texans at Carolina Panthers (Sunday, 1:00)
San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams (Sunday, 1:00)
Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions (Sunday, 4:05)
New York Jets at Baltimore Ravens (Sunday, 4:15)

Au contraire, Saj, but week 1 was a perfect representation of last year. My 3-1 to your 2-2 was just like old times. I was overwhelmed with deja vu.

Let's see if you can break the pattern:

Green Bay Packers at New York Giants (Sunday, 1:00)
Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals (Sunday, 4:05)
Dallas Cowboys at Miami Dolphins (Sunday, 4:05)
Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles (Monday, 8:30)

You see I returned your act of gamesmanship by not giving you the Pats game.

Football: Week 1 Recap

2007-09-11T11:41:00.000-04:00

Saj, I'd like some of your thoughts on the NFL's opening week. Do you agree that:

The class of the NFL are the Patriots, Chargers, and Colts, who are fungible as football's Big Three, and then a line is drawn. After that lie the Bengals (making four AFC teams in the top 4) and Seattle and then another line to complete a Top 5. Agree or disagree?

The New England Patriots have the best offense in the NFL. Agree or disagree?

The New York Jets aren't as bad as 38-14 would imply. Agree or disagree?

The New Orleans Saints will not have a down year, they just ran into a top AFC team in Week 1. Agree or disagree?

Finally, which team, previously thought of as a playoff contender if not a playoff lock, is most in danger of becoming 0-2?

On the class of the NFL: Yes the class of the NFL are the Patriots, Chargers, and Colts (in no particular order, but really, fuck the Colts). I disagree with the Bengals as number four only because it's possible that could be the third best team in their division (yes, I know they beat the Ravens last night but that game was a dented Todd Heap shoulder pad away from going into overtime). And the Seahawks will have to show me something special to earn a top five spot in my cold heart. Watch out for: THE STEELERS.

On Patriots offense being the best: Agree, tentatively. If the offensive line looks that good all season, then yes. On some of those passing plays Tom Brady had so much time in the pocket he could have met a supermodel, impregnated her, and witnessed the birth of his second child all before releasing the ball. Maroney still does like to dance a little more than he should, but Sammy Morris is a f-ing hammer and what else can I say about the revamped receiving corps that the Randy Moss and Wes Welker tattoos on my asscheeks haven't already said?

On Jets maybe sorta not completely sucking: No, they aren't that bad. But I will tell you who is. Thomas Jones. My G-d, I haven't seen someone do the old two yards and fall over move since Jamal Anderson. Jones was literally running straight into his offensive linemen and then ricocheting to the ground. That has to be more difficult than actually avoiding them, right?

On Saints: Yes they ran into a good team, at home, playing great football. BUT, the Saints don't have the easy schedule they had a year ago. And their defense is terrible. The ten wins they had last year could easily turn into eight.

Most in danger of going 0-2: The Baltimore Ravens

FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL: Week 1

2007-09-07T14:34:00.000-04:00

Back when Ian and I decided to institute a moratorium on posting for our crappy blog, in my mind we secretly decided to resurrect Football Friday when the time came. And since the season got off to a vomit-inducing, let's-all-jerk-off-to-Peyton-Manning start last night, I'd say the time has come.

Football Friday works like this: we give each other four games and we have to pick the outright winners. Simple. Ian, as you were the victor last year give me your best four from this weekend.

Yes, Saj, I was the victor. Just out of curiosity, what does that make you? Maybe this will help: Let's take a look at the final standings last season before we goofed around for Week 17.

Standings.... GB
Ian 28-20...... -- (winner)
Saj 21-27...... 7 (?????)

I just can't think of what goes there. Any ideas? Anyway, time to defend the crown. Here are your four games this weekend:

Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings (Sunday, 1:00)
Detroit Lions at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (Sunday, 8:15)
Baltimore Ravens at Cincinatti Bengals (Monday. 7:00)

Whatever, man. Whatever. For you:

Denver Broncos at Buffalo Bills (Sunday, 1:00)
Miami Dolphins at Washington Redskins (Sunday, 1:00)
Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans (Sunday, 1:00)
Chicago Bears at San Diego Chargers (Sunday, 4:15)

TWO MEN ENTER. ONE MAN LEAVES!

I am walking out of this dome in 17 weeks. I just hope I'm still in one piece. Let's get this party started.

Denver @ Buffalo: Is anyone expecting Buffalo to be better this year? When was the last time they did something to improve their team? They drafted Losman when they had Bledsoe. They drafted McGahee when they had Travis Henry. They haven't been nearly as good since making those moves, and now Losman is a bottom tier starter and neither McGahee nor Henry are even on the roster. Tough year for the Bills coming up, especially playing in the Pats' and Jets' division. We're talking 4-5 wins. And this isn't one of them. Pick: Denver

Miami @ Washington: P.U. What's that smell? Oh, it's these two teams. I'm at a crossroads. This match up is a toss up, but it contradicts my two crossroads tendencies (1. When in doubt, go with the home team; 2. When in doubt, go with the AFC team). I gotta go Miami, if for no other reason than A) The weather is still warm, B) While these two teams break even as two poor defensive squads, the Dolphins are more talented on the offensive end, and C) Clinton Portis is on my fantasy team, and is therefore due to pull a hamstring early in the second quarter. Pick: Miami

Kansas City @ Houston: Man, that smell is REALLY getting strong now. Hey Saj, thanks for the worst game of the weekend. I say Matt Schaub and the steadily ascending Houston Texans are more excited to play football than the steadily declining Kansas City Chiefs. If the Texans win this game, it'll be the first time in franchise history that they'll be over .500. And I have no idea if that's true, as I did no research to back that up. Pick: Houston

Chicago @ San Diego: I've always counted you as a friend, Saj. You're a nice guy. This is how you prove it. An NFC team with a bad offense vs. a well rounded AFC team that has the best talent in the NFL. And oh yeah, the AFC team is hosting. Pick: San Diego

Go get 'em, pal. You're up.

Gonna be quick.

Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings
Tavaris Jackson vs. Joey Harrington. Not exactly Montana v. Elway. I'm going with the Falcons here for a number of reasons. 1) I flipped a coin. 2) Bobby Petrino sounds like the name of a race car driver. 3) Nothing heals the gaping wounds left open from the Vick saga like a W against a bunch of guys in purple who like taking cruises together.

Detroit Lions at Oakland Raiders (Sunday, 4:15)
Nope. Not falling for it. I'm not going to talk myself into Daunte Culpepper. No way. But Jon Kitna, sure. I know that's irrational, but whatever. GO LIONS!

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (Sunday, 8:15)
Have you seen the new iPods? They're pretty awesome.

Baltimore Ravens at Cincinatti Bengals (Monday. 7:00)
Should I take all road teams? Maybe. Okay, I'm doing it. Cincinnati isn't that good. They really aren't. As yes this marks the second consecutive season where I have Steve McNair on my fantasy team. Next year, I'm just going to burn the money. Save myself the time.

Which commissioner would you want to be least?

2007-07-24T13:40:00.000-04:00

Saj, these three commissioners are seeing some sort of scandal in their league.

MLB, Bud Selig, has to deal with an unlikeable lawbreaker breaking the greatest record in the sport.
NBA, David Stern, has to deal with a NBA ref who bet on games he reffed.
NFL, Roger Goodell, has one of his marquee players torturing dogs.

Saj, which commissioner would you want to be least and why?

Bud Selig. At least David Stern and Roger Goodell have tangible problems to deal with. Sure, Stern will have to answer questions about his league's credibility. And sure, Goodell will have to continue to pretend that the psychology of football does not lead to unruly behavior off the field. But Bud Selig? He'll have to sit there and watch a man he despises break one of baseball's most cherished records. All of this while Bonds' ex-mistress poses for Playboy because he reneged on paying her the hush money he promised her. And Selig can do nothing about it.

I don't envy any of these men. Well, except for Goodell who is relatively young and rules the most valuable sports league in the world with the iron fist of Zeus. And maybe Stern, a little. The wall of his office must be plastered with pictures of him shaking hands with ridiculously tall black men wearing ill-fitting NBA caps. But not Selig. Nobody likes him. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have his job. But I'd also have to look like this AND pretend I don't still own the Brewers.

Two week vacation over

2007-07-23T13:28:00.000-04:00

Saj, should Bud Selig attend Giants games until Barry Bonds breaks the record? Should Hank Aaron?

No. And here's why: I don't care. The closest thing I can approximate to Aaron and/or Maris breaking Ruth's records (in my twenty or so years of baseball viewing) would be Ripken breaking Gehrig's streak and McGwire hitting number 62. And this does not feel like that. Remember the pomp that surrounded McGwire as he circled the bases after hitting the most anemic homerun in his career? I cared. I cared, a lot. But I, like many fans, really don't give a s*** what Bonds does. The argument for Aaron to not attend is clear. Why should he put himself out to celebrate a man he cares nothing for? And if no one cares, and Bonds has the Feds breathing down his fat neck, why should Bud Selig support someone who could, in the next year or two, be charged with a crime in which cheating in baseball is implicit.

That being said, I'll be watching when Bonds goes for 756. Swearing at the television and all.

I agree with your personal feelings on the matter. I'll be cursing his breaking of the record. But Bud Selig is the commissioner of baseball. He always goes to these types of things. A non-attendence from Selig, however, is a critique of his own league. Steroids was happening under his nose. Either he was ignorant, incompetant, or dismissive during the steroid era. To then not show up for one of the roid-heads when they break a record is close to hypocritical.

What's your thoughts on Bonds being one short or tied when the Giants go on the road for six games next week? Do the Giants sit Bonds for all those games?

I don't think sitting Bonds for those games is the right thing to do. Obviously almost everyone in America would prefer it (including me) and the Giants will probably do it, but to sit him for four or five games dimishes the achievement. To sit at 754 and say to everyone in baseball that "I want to break this record on my own terms" is disrespectful. Hitting a homerun in a major league baseball game is not an easy thing to do, especially not 755+ times. The Giants and Bonds should not put themselves in a position where they have a choice on the matter.

That being said, I hope they play Bonds just so I can see him try his hardest to surreptitiously sabotage himself during every at-bat until he returns to San Francisco.

MLB: Second Half Predictions

2007-07-11T12:16:00.000-04:00

Ian, before we get to our hare-brained second half predictions, let's assess last night's All Star game- particularly the end. Let's pretend that you're Tony La Russa. Let's say yesterday morning you woke up in your hotel (rising from the hyperbolic chamber in which you sleep) ordered a coffee and a croissant from room service, turned the television to the weather channel and stepped out on your balcony to breath in the fresh San Franciscan air. And then you said to yourself, "Tony, you handsome sexagenarian, if by some stroke of serendipity your National League squad finds itself down by one run with the bases loaded, two outs in the ninth inning, and career league-average hitter Aaron Rowand at the plate, by gum, you will let that Rowand boy hit. Sure you could pinch hit the best righthanded hitter in the game, Albert Pujols, and, yes, Pujols is to Rowand as Optimus Prime is to a Chevy Silverado, but why give the National League the best chance to win the game when you can lose the game AND piss off your best player at the same time?" I'm assuming that question is no longer rhetorical because that's exactly what Tony La Russa did. Why, Tony? Why?

I was watching the game with buddies Greg and Pete, and the lot of us were befuddled. We assumed that Pujols was injured and LaRussa didn't want to play his own player in an quasi-exhibition game. However, from what I've read after the game, Pujols was ready to go. Therefore, LaRussa not only robbed the NL from breaking a 9-now-10-year losing streak, not only did he rob the NL from a chance at homefield advantage in the World Series, but he also robbed us, Major League Baseball fans, from perhaps the most exciting All-Star at bat of this generation! And for that, he should not be forgiven.

If you want the answer as to why he did this, I'm sure you already read LaRussa's cockamamie excuse as to Pujols' versatility in extra innings... but since when has a manager managed for extra innings when he was DOWN ONE RUN in the ninth. A tie game is one thing, but down a run in the ninth or the bottom of an extra inning? Does Terry Francona let David Ortiz run if they're down one in the 10th? Not a chance. He gets a pinch runner. You need that run to win. I mean, managers often pinch run their second catcher in an extra innings without another catcher on the roster because they need that run to keep playing. You figure out who's playing where AFTER you extend the game.

And if the answer to all these criticisms are, "It's just an exhibition," than that is precisely the reason as to why the move should have been made. It would have been fun to see a couple guys out of position in an All-Star Game. And if the answer to that is, "The game counts, no fooling around," than Albert Pujols must see an at bat there. End of story.

I rest my case.

Saj, get us started on second half predictions.

You know, I was all set to do this: internet research, lots of reading and statistics, but I really don't want to. In lieu of any of that, here are some arbitrary statements about the next three months of baseball.

1. The Philadelphia Phillies will make the playoffs. Chase Utley will hit 45 more homeruns, the last 15 or so he'll will out of the park using only his mind and his crystal clear blue eyes. Girls you can have Cole Hamels and Grady Sizemore, the Chaser is all mine. Oh, and Brett Myers will remember that he's f****** Brett Myers. Not the beating his wife part but the good at pitching part.

2. Everyone will jump off the "Detroit Tigers are the best team in baseball" bandwagon when Curtis Granderson (of blogging fame) breaks his wrist in August and the damn thing crashes into a telephone pole. Lucky for them, the Los Angeles Angels bandwagon will pick them up when the Angels make an ill-advised trade for a hitter they don't need. None of this will prevent both these teams from being obliterated in the postseason by Boston. Angels Note: Reggie Willits will end the season hitting below .280.

3. Unless it has already happened, Ichiro will not sign an extension with Seattle. Please be aware that the rules of time do not apply to this statement. So, technically, I can't be wrong.

4. Barry Bonds will hit homeruns 755 and 756 in the same day and as he crosses homeplate the second time he will remove a mask to reveal that he is actually Mark McGwire and the real Barry Bonds has been locked in a basement since 1999. McGwire will go on to tell the media that he got the idea from the 1986 comedy "Soul Man" where a white student masquerades as an African American so that he may receive a scholarship to Harvard. McGwire will also say that he "would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids and their damn dog."

5. The Cleveland Indians will issue an "Indian of the month" 2008 calendar as a giveaway on the last day of the season. While Grady Sizemore will be Mr. April and Travis Hafner will be Mr. May, C.C. Sabathia will be Mr. August, Mr. September, and Mr. October. The joke here is that C.C. Sabathia is fat.

6. The San Diego Padres will win the NL Pennant by sweeping the Phillies prompting Fox to go into panic mode when the Mariners take a 3-1 lead on the Red Sox in the ALCS. Before Game 5, a ski-mask clad Chris Myers will take a lead pipe to Ichiro's knee destroying Seattle's morale and saving postseason ratings from West Coast irrelevance. Ichiro will silently lament not signing that ridiculous contract the Mariners offered him back in July but then he will smile wryly because he appreciates the irony. Unless, of course, it has already happened.

Ian?

How in Mike Greenwell's name am I supposed to counter those rock solid, take-it-to-the- bank predictions? I mean, the don't even have to play the rest of the regular season anymore. Saj has figured it out for us.

Anyway, instead of building to my World Series prediction, I will start there (kind of) and work my way back. I'll start with this:

The two most important players in determining the World Series participants are the same two most important players of the 2004 season and playoffs - Pedro Martinez and Curt Schilling. Simply put, those two players determine how far their respective teams advance in the playoffs.

In the case of Pedro and the New York Mets, if he looks as good as he and everyone else who has seen him says he is, the Mets will be playing in the 2007 World Series. If he's not, and especially if the Metropolitans cannot pick up another starter better than Tom Glavine, than it's the San Diego Padres in the Series. The Mets lineup is the best in the National League. All they need is two quality starters which they currently don't have. It's as simple as that.

Verdict for NL Champion
A good or better Pedro = New York
An average or worse Pedro = San Diego
Prediction - San Diego Padres, behind Jake Peavy's 2 wins and a win from David Wells and someone else, and thanks to lackluster performances from the Mets pitching staff, are in the World Series.

In the case of Schilling and the Boston Red Sox, if Schilling returns to at least 80% of the typical playoff Curt Schilling, the Red Sox are going to win the World Series. If not, Josh Beckett and Daisuke Matsuzaka are not enough to topple the Detroit Tigers.

Verdict for AL Champion
A good or better Schilling = Boston
An average or worse Schilling = Detroit
Prediction - Schilling, at forty years of age and decidedly out of shape, does not bounce back like he once could. Detroit matches up very well with the BoSox and takes the series in a classic seven games.

Rounding out the playoffs - Milwaukee falls apart, and a sizzling second half from Carlos Zambrano, Ted Lilly, and the Chicago Cubs' lineup gives the Cubs the NL Central. The Brew Crew and the Dodgers battle it out for the wild card, but the Dodgers' experience is victorious and earn the honor of once again traveling to New York in the first round... where they will again lose.

Over in the AL, the Yankees do make an August and September push, taking advantage of many games with Tampa, Baltimore, and Toronto. However, this postseason will give way to many "Out like the Yankees in October" jokes, as the Cleveland Indians return to the playoffs as the AL wildcard. The Tigers start their World Series run with a drubbing over the AL West Champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

That's it. Predictions locked in. I'll be sure to post this link again in October.

MLB: First Half Awards

2007-07-09T13:53:00.000-04:00

(we're playing with the colors, bear with us)

All right, Saj, the All-Star Break has arrived. Time for some first half awards.

MVP

NL

National League MVP to date: Prince Fielder
Reasoning: The Milwaukee Brewers are in first place. The Milwaukee Brewers. Are in first place. Formerly consistent losers, the Milwaukee Brewers are in first place. Not only are they in first place, but at 4.5 games, they have the largest division lead in in the National League, and second largest division lead in the majors after the Red Sox domination of the AL East. Therefore, the Brewers' surprising success combined with their relative comfort on their perch makes me want to search their squad for the to-date NL MVP. Their best hitter, Prince Fielder, is headed to his first All-Star Game. He leads the NL in homeruns and slugging, he's second in RBI, and he's fifth in runs.
National League MVP at the end of the year: Carlos Beltran
Reasoning: The Brewers are going to lose their division lead. The Mets are going to pull away with the best record in the National League, and they're going to do it because their stud center-fielder will heat up like an oven.

Saj? NL MVP?

Completely in agreement. At this point in the season, Prince Fielder gets the award. By the end of the season watch out for the following two guys: Chipper Jones and Chase Utley. Jones is quietly putting together one of his best seasons and Utley is on pace to set new career highs in RBIs and Total Bases. While I can't see Beltran winning the award (if it's a Met, I think it'll be Wright or Reyes) I do think the NL MVP will come out of the East.

American League MVP to date: Alex Rodriguez. I know the whole "the MVP has to play for a winning team" argument, but what Alex Rodriguez is doing this year is ridiculous. And once he's got his filthy hands around another MVP award it will be that much sweeter when he opts out and leaves New York for Chicago or LA. Go ahead, Ian. Make the argument for Magglio Ordonez.

American League MVP at the end of the year: Rodriguez. Ordonez's average will drop like a French hooker's panties on Bastille Day. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my "Dennis Miller would make that joke" joke of the day.

American League MVP to date: Vladimir Guerrero

Reasoning: In 2003, Alex Rodriguez won the AL MVP while playing for the last place Texas Rangers. Tell me, Saj. How valuable is a guy whose team finished in last place? I mean, if he wasn't on their team, what place might they have come in? LasteR? Besides, aren't teams always better when he leaves?

The American League MVP to date is not Arod, nor is it Magglio Ordonez (and if it were Maggs, I'd have to pick someone else after your snide comment). The AL MVP to date is Vladimir Guerrero. The reason? The Tigers and Yankees have a MUCH better supporting cast to surround their best hitters. On the Tigers, Gary Sheffield, Placido Polanco, Carlos Guillen, and Pudge Rodriguez are all having very good seasons; even Curtis Granderson and Sean Casey bring something to the table. The Yankees simply aren't performing well, and I can't help but think of Arod was released today, the Yanks would go on a huge tear without him. The Angels after Vlad Guerrero do not have the supporting casts of the other division leaders in the AL, and yet they are within a half game of both the Tigers and the Red Sox for the league's best record. Thank Vlad.

American League MVP at the end of the year: Magglio Ordonez.

Reasoning: I suspect that Detroit Tigers will end up with the best record in baseball, and Magglio's great season will be why. Best player on the best team is usually a safe bet.

Cy Young Award

American League Cy Young to date: Dan Haren

Reasoning: Just last week, Saj and I predicted that Josh Beckett would be names AL All-Star Game starter. A reader emailed us and begged to differ, stating it'd be Dan Haren. He was right. We were wrong. But he doesn't have his own blog, so here's my chance to rectify it. Dan Haren's ERA (2.30) leads the league. I've always been a fan of the lowest ERA winning the Cy Young, unless there's a reeeeeal good case made in other categories by one other pitcher (usually K's, Wins, WHIP). Since Haren is second in the AL in WHIP (1.00!), and fourth in wins, I can ignore his paltry ninth place ranking in K's.

American League Cy Young at the end of the year: Josh Beckett

Reasoning: Because he's going to get to the magic number: 20+ wins.

Ian, you ignorant slut. There's no way you can ignore a season like ARod's. No way. At least you're right about Haren being the Cy Young Award winner thus far. As for Haren's second half, he will fade and fade spectacularly. In his place will rise the most usual of suspects: Johan Santana. As I said in the previous post: "...I think Haren ends the season with an ERA above 3.50. And I think Santana drops his ERA another half run and wins the Cy Young Award..." It's pretty much fact that when I quote myself I'm right.

National League Cy Young to date: Jake Peavy. Brad Penny has more wins, Chris Young has a lower ERA, but Peavy ranks second in both and leads the league in K, K/9, and awesomeness.

National League Cy Young at the end of the year: Jake Peavy. He's very good at what he does. Honorable Mention: Cole Hamels.

National League Cy Young to date: Peavy

Reasoning: Because he's the best pitcher in the National League to date.

National League Cy Young at the end of the year: Pedro Martinez

Reasoning: Just kidding. Jake Peavy

Good, sensible answer.

Rookie of the Year

NL ROY to date: Much has been said about Hunter Pence of the Houston Astros and for good reason. The guy is leading the NL in batting (.342) and he runs kinda funny (evidence here). A great case can be made for Ryan Braun of the Brewers who is batting .350 in 40 games with 11 homers, but I'm giving the midseason nod to Pence because he's played 24 more games and Sportscenter anchors are wont to crack up during his awkward fielding highlights.

NL ROY at the end of the year: Braun. What he's done so far, extrapolated over a whole season is a 45 homer, 130 RBI season with an OPS+ of 173. And there's no reason why he won't continue to beat the crap out of major league pitching. Braun slugged .726 in the 113 at-bats he took in AAA this season (his only at-bats ever in AAA) and when he was drafted in 2005 he was considered to be the consensus best athlete available. Others drafted that year: Justin Upton, Alex Gordon, Ryan Zimmerman, Troy Tulowitzki, Jacoby Ellsbury, Craig Hansen, and Mike Pelfrey. Okay, the last two were jokes but those first five include a former National High School player of the year and the second-coming of George Brett. An infield of Ryan Braun, J.J. Hardy, Rickie Weeks, and Prince Fielder; this is like God rewarding Brewers fans for their patience. Imagine if Yi Jianlian and his agents relent, we're talking a duel sport revival in the "Cream City" (yes, that's an actual nickname for Milwaukee). Side Yi Note: Ian, if ten years ago you told me an NBA team would have a starting front court featuring a Chinese player and a big white guy from Australia I probably would have lost a lot of respect for you.

Saj, the thing about our relationship is, you never respect me until ten years after I say something. And since we've known each other since Fall 1998, we're just over a year from me earning your respect. I can't wait.

NL ROY to date: It's Pence. No rookie has any business leading the National League in hitting. Hitting takes too much trial and error to do well, especially at the major league level. A rookie beating out the likes of Matt Holliday, Chipper Jones, Chase Utley, Miguel Cabrera, and Todd Helton is out of this world impressive.

NL ROY at the end of the year: If he ends up winning the batting title, it HAS to be Pence. If he doesn't, The Next Big Thing Ryan Braun will take it home.

AL ROY to date: Can I have a three way tie between three Red Sox? If yes, I award the ROY to Hideki Okajima, Daisuke Matsuzaka, and Dustin Pedroia. If not, I'll single out Okajima. In my estimation, he's the MVP of the Red Sox this year. Think about that. A middle reliever is the MVP on a team with the best record in the American League. He deserves it though, a 0.83 ERA, a 0.83 WHIP, he's holding opponents to a .191 Slugging Percentage (!!), and the only homerun he's given up all year was to the first batter he faced in his major league career.

AL ROY at the end of the year: Daisuke Matsuzaka has had a phenomenal second half to the first half of the season. He's pitching like an experienced veteran and has the potential to be the best starter in the AL in the second half of the season. That probably makes him the AL Rookie of the Year.

AL ROY to date: As valuable as Okajima has been to the Red Sox, I can't see giving the ROY award to someone who has thrown just 43 innings. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Okajima. In fact, I think I'm going to get 1,000 "Okajima is my Oka-jigga" t-shirts printed so I can sell them out of a box on Yawkey Way. That being said, and apologies to Reggie Willits and Dustin Pedroia, I have to give the midseason ROY to Daisuke. Before getting touched up by the Tigers in his last start, he went six starts giving up a total of six earned runs and striking out 51, lowering his ERA a whole run in the process.

AL ROY at the end of the year: I really want to give this award to Pedroia, but he's not on pace to collect the raw numbers (runs, RBIs, HRs) that people salivate over. If this last month and a half is any indicator of the future, it's going to be Daisuke, who looks like he could also make a serious run at the Cy Young.

Pence-Braun Note: Not to blow up your spot, Ian, but while Pence is leading the league with a .342 average, Matt Holliday is right behind him at .341, and Pence's OBP is a low (for his batting his average) .367. He's walked ten times in 64 games. As I've said before: Hell, even Bill Mueller's won a batting title.

One more knock on Bill Mueller and I'll have your balls in my Red Sox 2004 World Series Champion coffee mug. Mueller drove in Roberts, Saj. MUELLER DROVE IN ROBERTS!!

NBA: Celtics trade fallout

2007-07-06T11:26:00.000-04:00

Remember when the Celtics traded for and reacquired Antoine Walker in the middle of the 2003-2004 season? At the time, the Celtics were slumping and might not have made the playoffs. But they made the trade, added instant offense, started winning the majority of their games, and made the playoffs. Good trade, right?

Well, the C's lost in the first round of the playoffs to a mediocre Indiana Pacers team (I attended Game 7, which they lost by 27 points). They ended up with the 15th pick in the draft, usually a spot where you will not find an impact player. Surprisingly, Al Jefferson fell to them. I remember watching the draft with my buddy Greg and we were praying that he would last that long but severely doubted it. Yet there he was.

However, most times, a stud player like Al Jefferson does not fall that low. That means teams that make first-round exits rarely have a chance to improve themselves. As stated in yesterday's Seattle Supersonics post, a team needs to know when to sacrifice the short term for the long term. Danny Ainge's Walker trade (the second one) set back the franchise 2-3 years.

The obvious question is: Has Danny Ainge repeated his mistake? I've got my thoughts on it Saj, but I'm dying to hear yours.

None of this is as bad as the Sebastian Telfair trade last year. Chew on that for a moment.

Anyway, I like Ray Allen and I wasn't crazy about any of the guys we could have gotten at five so the deal isn't terrible. Not exactly Hollinger-esque basketball analysis, but whatever. Ray Allen was awesome at Connecticut, he was awesome in "He Got Game" (sorta), and I'm pretty sure that both he and Kenny Lofton appeared on the same episode of The Wayans Brothers. What this trade does is put the Celtics in the playoffs. They're still not contenders, but, realistically, Oden or Durant were the only two players that would have cemented the foundation of this team. For all the Garnett and Marion trade rumors they weren't the players who would get us out of the East.

Oh, basketball.

The Ray Allen deal is exciting from a Celtics perspective and here's why: They'll probably win the Atlantic Division. This means a shot at the #3 seed (or #4, with the new playoff seeding rules) and guaranteed homecourt advantage in the first round. In other words, this means the inside track to the conference semi-finals and being one of the last eight teams still playing. Essentially, this trade makes them better than a one-and-done playoff team.

Boston immediately becomes, without a doubt, the best offensive Celtics team since #33 roamed the court. This is as strong of a 1-4 as you can hope for in this league, and probably the best 1-4 in the Eastern Conference (which is kind of like being the sanest person at the asylum). Rajon Rondo runs a terrific point guard and plays fantastic on the ball defense on the opposing point guard (Think a young Jason Kidd...now if he could only learn how to shoot like J. Kidd never did). Ray Allen at the two must always be guarded, which frees up room for two things. First, Paul Pierce at the three has more room to penetrate and either score or dish. Second, Al Jefferson at the four, who will command double teams all season, can only be double teamed at the expense of leaving open Allen or Pierce.

The diversity of scoring options for the Celtics means that Rondo and the center position don't even have to be scoring threats. If they can make lay ups, that's good enough.

Okay, enough offense talk, because we already know this team can average 105 points a night. The problem with this trade is that they could very well give up 106. (Think 2006-2007 Wizards.) The three great scorers I just mentioned are not good defenders...especially Ray Allen. Trading Delonte West and the potentially defensive minded #5 pick meant the only defense left on the Celtics roster was a point guard who can't shoot (Rondo), a shooting guard coming off major knee surgery (Tony Allen), and a decrepit shot-blocking center whose most attractive quality is that he's in the last year of his contract (Theo Ratliff).

This concerns me. Every good team has a good perimeter defender. Bowen, Prince, Bell, Howard. You need someone to slow down the other team's best player. For the Celtics, it's Tony Allen, but the two highest paid players on the team play his position. Not only is he coming back from surgery, but there's not enough perimeter minutes to go around. I think you'll see the Celtics go small a LOT this upcoming year, with Pierce (a good rebounder) seeing time at power forward and Jefferson sliding to center. And this just makes the interior defense that much worse.

Fortunately, their awesome offensive fire power is good enough to win the Atlantic. However, without defensive talent or defensive depth (And I didn't even touch their questionable coach), they have no shot to compete for an NBA Championship, nor did this trade put them in any position to do so down the road.

Saj, would you like to see the Celts make one more deal this offseason or go forward with this squad?

NBA: Sonics and other

2007-07-05T11:16:00.000-04:00

Ian, tell me your thoughts on the Seattle Supersonics and Supersonic-related developments. They grab two blue chippers in the draft (Kevin Durant and Jeff Green) while getting rid of their two best players from the 2006-2007 team (Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis), dramatically altering their roster. Meanwhile Allen is sent to Boston and Lewis signs a max contract (!) with the Magic.

Also, Greg Oden's blog: is he too nice? I mean, this guy seems awesome. Like I'd want to hang out with him and play video games. Maybe I'll move to Portland and ask him if he has any need for someone with my specific skill set in his entourage. And by skill set I mean my sick AND1 basketball moves and bikini inspecting ability. What say you?

P.S. Just for fun, Baron Davis emasculating Andrei Kirilenko.

Seattle did it the right way. I think Seattle did what countless franchises in sports should do but, due to incompetence or lack of opportunity, don't: Blow up the team and go with a youth movement. How often do we hear that a team and/or its fanbase is sick of being an also-ran, but each year they think they can make the playoffs so they don't do anything drastic to make a long-term solution. They don't want to kill three season to be a contender in the fourth. Then the long term arrives and they're still mired in mediocrity, wishing they did it the right way five years ago. The kicker is that they readily repeat those same mistakes again.

Well, Seattle was given an opportunity with the second pick in the draft. They blew up their team. They used the second pick to get an offensive dynamo. They traded their best player to get the fifth pick and a legitimate second banana for the dynamo. They let their second best player go (Max contract? Good riddance!) to keep cap space to do any necessary signings when the complimentary pieces are necessary. It's a great job by the Sonic front office.

Now this is Kevin Durant's team from day one. Make no mistake about it. And Jeff Green? He's their #2 from day one. There will be no Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis demanding shots and money and stunting the growth of the future of the franchise.

So how will Seattle do in 2007-2008? Probably not make the playoffs. Then they add another lottery pick. And the following season? A first-round exit at best. But in five years? You're looking perennial contenders.

Seattle did it the right way.

With Greg Oden, we have a gregarious big man cut from the mold of David Robinson and Shaquille O'Neal. He's very likeable, and I full expect him to be the second face of the league, after LeBron James. It's guys like Greg Oden that make me think the NBA is going to be all right. Think about it. Five years from now, we could very well see Oden, Durant, James, Carmelo Anthony, and Dwayne Wade consistently get beyond the second round of the playoffs. They'll become household names like Magic, Larry, and MJ. Getting the casual fan excited about a league? That's the ticket to success.

I'll save the Celtics for tomorrow. It deserves its own thread.

Reader email - July 3

2007-07-03T08:50:00.000-04:00

Reader Keith from Connecticut asks:

You guys don't think Dan Haren should be starting for the A.L.? Before Sunday, 1.91 ERA in the ever so powerful American League.

Great point, Keith. I like Danny Haren, and for more reasons than simply his resemblence to me. His record (10-2) is comparable to Beckett's (11-2), and his ERA is just over a run lower. All that being said, I feel it's been Beckett's start to lose ever since he was 9-0 and 11-1. Those are simply eye-popping records. Haren was 0-2 and has played catch up ever since. Ten straights wins is great for any resume, but Beckett was in the driver's seat and hasn't done anything to lose the honor. And let's not forget Haren's 1.58 ERA has fallen to 2.20 in the last four starts. His lights out streak is definitely over.

And honestly, I don't believe everything I'm saying right now, but there is one more point to be made. The 2003 World Series MVP is the bigger name and this is the All-Star Game. I expect Beckett to get the nod. I also don't think it's out of the question that those two gentlemen's start this week may determine who's on the mound in the first inning. One of them gets shelled and one of them pitches well... that could decide it.

You know what's funny about this debate? There's a real possibility Leyland will choose his own player - Justin "no-no" Verlander.

What do you think, Saj?

Excellent question, Keith, excellent question. Ignoring my fanboy-ism (which is the only reason I chose Beckett anyway) and Ian's crafty exercise in rationalization there is no reason why Dan Haren should not start the All-Star Game. Bay area starter, having a fantastic season, Ian thinks he looks like him. No reason, except for C.C. Sabathia. While Haren leads the AL in ERA, ERA+, WHIP, and OPS against, Sabathia holds the edge in wins, innings pitched, K's, K/BB, and donuts consumed in a single sitting. I'm not saying that makes him more deserving, but 116 strike outs and only 17 walks is pretty ridiculous. As is the two dozen Krispy Kremes he demolished in twelve minutes.

Of course this is all subject to the caprice of Jim Leyland. He could go with his boy (Verlander), his old boy (Beckett), or the best pitcher on the planet (Johan Santana) in lieu of either Haren or Sabathia. I think Leyland goes with Haren. And I think Haren ends the season with an ERA above 3.50. And I think Santana drops his ERA another half run and wins the Cy Young Award. And I think I'll have ice cream for lunch today. Those are my thoughts.

Thanks for the emails, readers.

All Star Ruminations

2007-07-02T12:33:00.000-04:00

Well, Saj and I decided to take the month of June off to recharge the old batteries. Saj will probably try to convince you that he left me in the States to go oil up Swedish supermodels, but that would be a lie. They were Norwegian and I was there, too.

We return now on the first Monday of July with a promise. Throughout the summer, we will have two posts a week for you. Please check back regularly. It'll be mostly baseball for a while, with tennis, golf, and offseason NBA and NFL mixed in. Around September, things will heat up with the NFL kicking off and baseball getting into its stretch run, with our beloved BoSox making a run at another World Series.

Later this week, Saj and I will give our thoughts on recent NBA developments around the league. Today, however, we will concentrate on yesterday's announced MLB All-Star rosters.

I'll start with what I think was the biggest snub of the year, an interesting choice for me as many are saying Kevin Youkilis, my favorite player in the league, was the biggest AL snub. However, easily the biggest snub of the year is one of my least favorite players in the league: Gary Sheffield.

Check it: Gary Sheffield is 2nd in in the American League in runs, 3rd in homeruns, 10th in RBI but has more stolen bases than anyone with more RBI than him, he's 4th in walks, and 7th in OPS. Most importantly, he's carried my fantasy team while the likes of David Wright, Carlos Beltran, and Miguel Tejada were underperforming. That, Saj, is an All-Star. What do you think? Who's the biggest snub?

I will agree that Gary Sheffield is having a very good season, his LL Cool J/pedophile moustache notwithstanding. But while deserving, it's hard to find a place for him. For one, the AL already holds five reserve outfielders on it's roster. Crawford and Rios are picks of necessity (baseball's inane "every team" rule) and Hunter and Sizemore legitimately deserve their selections. The only spot I could see being vacated for the good Mr. Sheffield would be Ramirez's. And, yes, Sheffield is having a better season that Manny, but the All-Star Game is as much a popularity contest as it is a celebration of performance. And Manny, I'm willing to wager, is somewhere near infinitely more popular than Gary Sheffield. Why? Because Sheffield is the kind of guy who would steal walkers from old people and punch them in the face.

I'd say the biggest collective snub of this year's All Star rosters belongs to the alienated trio of the NL shortstop quintet that is taking the league by storm this season. While Jose Reyes and J.J. Hardy are definitely deserving, Hanley Ramirez (on pace for 20 HR, 50 SB and 130 R), Edgar Renteria (hitting .324, OPS .879), and Jimmy Rollins (on pace for 30 HR, 30 SB, 100 RBI, 130 R!) are having great seasons as well. In fact, I would like to see Orlando Hudson removed from the roster in favor of one of these guys. No offense, Orlando.

Not a bad observation. The talented NL shortstops brings me back to the turn of the millenium when the American League had four dynamo short stops (Arod, Nomar, Jeets, Tejada) battling for the crown of best shortstop in the game. Now two of them play other positions and one was probably on roids. Still, even though Jeter seemingly survived the battle, Arod is still the best shortstop ever... he just plays third base.

Let's project some lineups, shall we? Here's what I got for the American League:

1. Ichiro Suzuki CF
2. Derek Jeter SS
3. Alex Rodriguez 3B
4. David Ortiz 1B
5. Vlad Guerrero RF
6. Magglio Ordonez LF
7. Ivan Rodriguez C
8. Placido Polanco 2B
9. Josh Beckett P

Saj?

I agree for the most part. The only thing I'd add is that maybe Leyland throws his guy Magglio a bone at 3 and moves the others down. And flip flop Polanco and Pudge. Also, I like Beckett starting.

National League:

1. Jose Reyes SS
2. Chase Utley 2B
3. Carlos Beltran CF
4. Barry Bonds LF
5. Ken Griffey Jr. RF
6. Prince Fielder 1B
7. David Wright 3B
8. Russell Martin C
9. Jake Peavy P

I barely agree with this, but I think La Russa likes Beltran at three. And as per convention Griffey gets the nod at 5 over young guy Fielder, the catcher hits before the pitcher, and there's a bigheaded asshole in the clean up spot.

Bonds in his home park is up in the first inning, so he hits 3rd, thus defying the general rule of the big-head hitting fourth (see Ortiz). So I swap your three and four, and the rest are the same.

1. Reyes SS
2. Utley 2B
3. Bonds LF
4. Beltran CF
5. Griffey RF
6. Fielder 1B
7. Wright 3B
8. Martin C
9. Peavy P

It appears our lineups are quite similar. At least that makes it easy to see who's more right, which is usually me. We'll keep an eye on the 3-4 in the NL and where Magglio hits in the AL.

NBA Draft fallout later in the week.

Conceding your Bonds point. It makes too much sense. But in that case I see Griffey hitting clean up.

O Kobe! My Kobe! Our Fearful Trip is Done!

2007-05-30T16:42:00.000-04:00

So Kobe Bryant is requesting a trade and Alex Rodriguez has been all but caught being unfaithful. This is like bizarro-2004 sports news. All this does is further prove that Kobe and ARod are kindred, uber-talented, douchebag spirits.

Ian, what make you of Kobe's trade demand? I really don't think he wants to leave the Lakers and this is something he won't realize until February of next year when he's playing for a 12-win Charlotte team. And isn't it about damn time we stop allowing superstars to exert such control over franchises? Why can't they be more like the polite Mr. Kevin Garnett who toils silently for a team that is both unable and unwilling to add the right players to win him a championship?

I think Kobe is right in his demands. I mean, at this point, shouldn't they have acquired a 7 foot, 300 pound hall of fame center to help win Kobe some championships? Oh, wait, Kobe ran the best teammate of his career out of LA.

And now he's angry at Lakers brass for not getting him help? When he chased away the best center of this generation? Please.

Now, Kobe Bryant is a magnificent player. For several years I've been saying he's the best player in the league and I still believe this. But the audacity he has to sign a humongous contract (read: tie up a large sum of money), obviously demand Shaquille O'Neal to be traded so Kobe could be The Man, and then complain to the front office that they don't get help for him (What is Lamar Odom, chopped liver?) is fundamentally absurd.

My prediction: Kobe isn't going ANYwhere. LA is the spot for the Kobe Bryant's of the world, not to mention the Lakers needs the Kobe Bryant's of the world. Jack Nicholson pays way too much money to watch 75 cents on the dollar. If, however, we want to entertain his demand, where would he go?

Well, the Western Conference is out. A vengeful Kobe Bryant is not someone I'd want to play 4 times in a regular season than in a possible playoff series.

Further eliminations:
Miami (Shaq)
Cleveland (Needs to be the unequivocal man)
Detroit (Not disrupting that squad)
Charlotte (Not nearly enough to give to LA. Okafor and capspace is not nearly enough to fill that void.)
Indiana (NOTHING to offer after Jermaine O'Neal, not even a pick.)
Orlando (NOTHING to offer besides Dwight Howard, not even a pick, and there's no way they move Howard anyway.)
Toronto (Great fit for Kobe if Toronto can keep Bosh, but Ford and Bargnani not enough to get Bryant to Canada.)

I think everyone else has a chance to sign him. Possible deals, alphabetical order:
Atlanta - Joe Johnson, Marvin Williams, #3 pick (LA backs out, needs future 1st rounder)
Boston - Paul Pierce, Gerald Green, #5 pick (Boston backs out, offers Delonte West or Kendrick Perkins instead of Green. La Backs out.)
Chicago - Ben Gordon, Loul Deng, #9 pick (LA backs out, asks for Hinrich in addition)
Milwaukee - Redd, Bogut, Villanueva, #6 pick (this could happen)
New Jersey - Vince Carter, Josh Boone, #17 pick (Vince sells the tickets, at least. Could happen)
New York - Marbury, David Lee, Spike Lee (LA backs out, Marbury is a cancer)
Philly - Iguodala, Dalembert, #12 pick (LA backs out, because they'd be trading Kobe Bryant for guys name Iguodala and Dalembert.)
Washington - Arenas, the #16, next year's first rounder (Might do it.)

That leaves us with Milwaukee, New Jersey, and Washington. Milwaukee and New Jersey are wastelands that Kobe wants not part of. Washington is tempting for him. He has help in Jamison and Butler, there's a lot of marketing possibilities in the capital, not to mention his extramarital affairs fit right in with Congress.

However, Kobe's not going anywhere. And yes, I just realize I wasted 15 minutes of my life going over the possibilities of the impossible. Whatever.

Red Sox and Mets: On a Collision Course?

2007-05-29T11:19:00.000-04:00

Admittedly, the Yankees aren't officially done just yet, but all signs point to them finally falling off their pedestal as Champions of the American League East. Their vanquishers, the Boston Red Sox, look to be the team to beat in the American League. Over on the Senior Circuit, it's the other New York team that is dominating their under-resourced competition. It seems inevitable to me, even as early as May 29th, that these two teams are on a collision course to meet in the World Series.

This has many implications, though I weigh two more than any other. First, Pedro against the Red Sox in the World Series, which frankly would have meant a lot more if the Sox hadn't won in 2004 with Pedro. Second, and much more appealing, Yankees fans, if baseball fans at all, will have to choose one of these two teams to root for. Of course they'd take the Mets, but that doesn't mean they'll like it.

Saj, any thoughts on a possible Red Sox-Mets World Series? Pedro? Which teams in either league are most likely to stop this scenario from playing out?

It's funny, I was talking to Roommate Rob (a Mets fan and Jets apologist) this weekend, and we agreed that 1) it's pretty clear than the Red Sox and Mets are the class of their respective leagues and 2) if a Red Sox - Mets World Series were to occur one of us would have to move out for a week and a half. Not that we're combative fans, just that baseball-related anxiety tends to be exacerbated by someone on the other side of the series from you.

As for which teams are most likely to stop this scenario, I can come up with a few. First and foremost, I just can't yet count out the Yankees. Yes, they're tied for last in the AL East. Yes, a 13.5 game hole to this Red Sox team may be insurmountable. But they're Expected Win-Loss record (based on runs scored vs. runs allowed) is a full five games better. So they're playing worse than their record AND they're picking up a pretty decent arm AND they're the f****** Yankees. So don't count them out, even if the loser of the Detroit/Cleveland AL Central sweepstakes looks like the best bet to take the wild card.

Other teams:

With the Mets probably finishing the season with the best record in the NL and the NL wild card team probably coming out of the West, they might have to face San Diego, LA or Arizona is a short series. Jake Peavy or Brandon Webb in a five game series? Yikes. Of course it's silly to speculate this far into the future. Like John-Kruk-on-Baseball-Tonight-silly.

As for AL teams: I'd worry about the Angels or the Indians if they somehow merged Cleveland's hitting with Los Angeles' bullpen and maybe also spliced Travis Hafner and Vladimir Guerrero into some sort of super baseball player like how the Constructicons created Devastator. The Tigers? They don't scare me. Not nearly as much as Magglio Ordonez's Jheri-curl. And I do realize that picture is not an accurate representation of Ordonez's tresses.

Switching gears: I was watching the Spurs-Jazz series last night and I found myself pulling for the Jazz even though I was convinced that they were evil incarnate a few weeks ago when they beat the Warriors. A few questions for you, Ian: Why do I hate the Spurs enough to cheer for a team from Utah? How is Deron Williams making Bruce Bowen look like a fool? When will Eva Longoria dump Tony Parker for me? What other questions do you want to answer?

I'm so sick of people hating on the Spurs. I guess that means I'm sick of you.

The Spurs are winners. As the NBA representative from the three major sports, they're part of the triumvirate of Winners of the last decade. They're not as likeable as the Patriots but they're not nearly as hateable as the Yankees. It's astonishing how much the average fan ends up hating winners, especially if their style of play is lacking in the aesthetics department. This was a constant criticism of New England's play during the first Superbowl run and leading up to the second: They won by 3 points, they had a system quarterback, they were lucky, they played physical and weren't pretty (except for their quarterback who's astoundingly pretty).

The Spurs don't win pretty, either. Bowen is dirtier than Paris Hilton, Ginobili flops more than a beached trout, and after a ref calls a foul on him, Tim Duncan looks like Reche Caldwell. Moreover, the Spurs, as a whole, are not your fun run and gun Phoenix Suns. They should not ever apologize for this. All of that is irrelevant to me. They play the slow it down brand of basketball that has won every NBA Championship since Riley's Lakers. Phoenix, Dallas, and Sacramento did not win in the last ten years because they play exactly the type of basketball you like to watch. But guess what. A team isn't winning until they learn to slow it down and play some f'n defense.

So quit hatin' on greatness. Four titles in a decade.

Ian, you ignorant slut.

Who cares about the ponies?

2007-05-22T14:11:00.000-04:00

The answer to that question: more people than there are who care about hockey. This past weekend the overtime period of a possible elimination game in the Eastern Conference finals was booted off NBC in favor of 20 minutes of pre-race coverage of the Preakness. Now I am as indifferent to hockey as the next guy but this seems a little harsh. I mean, think of the Canadians. Won't somebody please think of the Canadians?!?!

The Canadians, like you, are totally lame. The game was still shown in Canada, but can you blame an American network for going to where the ratings are at? The steadily decrepid dignity of NBC sports does not have many cash-cows left, but the Triple Crown horse races are among them. The NHL, to put it plainly, is not. Now, guys like you and me, no friends to hockey but with an appreciation of playoff sports, not to mention an understanding of three "periods" and "overtimes," might think it's crazy to leave one of our structured sports to go to a sport which is unlike that with which we are familiar, but NBC could care less. Like NASCAR, there's a significant portion of the country that lives and dies with that horse race. Even I bet money on both, giving that money away to the casino for the Derby and to my father for the Preakness.

The point is this, if some Saturday afternoon, Fox was showing the finals of the World Shuffleboard Championship, which had just gone into extra shuffles, but the broadcast began to run into a Matsuzaka-Mussina matchup, we'd throw things at the screen if the network decided to stay on shuffleboard. Moreover, Fox would be crazy to not to go to the baseball game, as they know what makes their advertisors happy, not to mention what gets their ratings up.

Speaking of Yankees-Red Sox...does a Yankees sweep this week worry you at all?

I don't blame NBC or the viewers. I blame the NHL for being NBC's bitch when they signed the television contract.

Yes the sweep worries me. I want to bury this team. I want 11.5 games before the Rocket puts his meaty hand on a baseball in a major league park this summer. I want to find a six year old wearing an ARod t-shirt and I want to kick his baby teeth in. The point: there is blood in the water and the Boston Red Sox have a chance to finish their season half way through June.

That being said, I'm okay with losing two of three. But a Yankee sweep? Every idiot in Massachusetts will be calling WEEI.

NBA: Two Conference Finalists Decided Tonight?

2007-05-15T08:23:00.000-04:00

Saj, will either the Chicago Bulls or Golden State Warriors be alive tomorrow?

Yes. Both. I believe in a lot of things in this world, Ian. I believe in hot dogs. I believe in vibration dampeners for tennis rackets. I believe in the irony of serenading Kevin Edmund Youkilis with something that sounds vaguely like "Jew" when he comes to the plate. I believe in ripping off Crash Davis' speech from Bull Durham (note that Davis, played by conspiracy-o-phile Kevin Costner, believed that Oswald acted alone). But most importantly I believe in hope. And I believe in Baron's beard and his facial-izing of Andrei Kirilenko. And I believe in Andres Nocioni doing his best Bill Laimbeer impersonation.

I have more confidence in the Warriors than in the Bulls tonight, but for the sake of the game I hope they both win.

Something else to talk about: Robert Horry's ridiculously physical body check at the end of last night's Suns-Spurs game and Bruce Bowen's "wink, wink" halftime interview where, without saying it, he basically admitted to constantly fouling Steve Nash. If basketball were like hockey, Amare Stoudemire would have knocked three of Bowen's teeth out by now and the Suns would have signed Rick Mahorn before the series as a bench coach/enforcer.

Jerry Sloan and All That Jazz

2007-05-14T12:56:00.000-04:00

The Utah Jazz are one win away from making the Western Conference Finals. Read that again.

This team was not supposed to compete this year. Even beyond the dominant troika of San Antonio, Dallas, and Phoenix, there were teams who should have had more success than Utah. Kobe's Lakers were supposed to take the next step after blowing a 3-1 lead to the Suns in last year's playoffs. The Clippers were looking to build onto their first playoff appearance in 340 years. The Warriors' new head coach was supposed to take a run and gun team up the charts of the Western Conference. The Rockets would finally have their two uberstars healthy and ready to make a run at the championship trophy. The Nuggets frontline was deep, talented, and the roster was bolstered with the addition of Allen Iverson. These were the teams that were supposed to compete.

But the Utah Jazz??? In a year where their previous best player, Andrei Kirilenko, was a complete shell of his previous self? Did anyone who's not a Mormon see this coming?

The lesson: Once again, we are reminded that there is indeed an important component to winning beyond the players on the court. A coach is a crucial element to all teams in the three major sports. Jerry Sloan is proof.

Jerry Sloan constantly has the Jazz overachieving. Sure, maybe he never won the championship with two of the greatest 50 players of all time on his team, but let's be fair. His team peaked in the era of Jordan, Pippen, and Hakeem. No coach could have won those series, with the possible exception of Bill Belichick.

Yet, I feel as if Sloan slips under the radar when we discuss great coaches. We know about the active all time greats: Phil Jackson, Pat Riley, Don Nelson, Doc Rivers. But what about Sloan? Isn't the true measure of a coach how well he can get his players to play. How often he can get his roster to overachieve? How can he get the very most out of a squad of guys who, on some teams, look like they're just showing up to collect their paycheck and eyeball the dance team? Sloan consistently gets his team to play their best - year in and year out.

So, Saj, I want your thoughts on this. Also, are there any other coaches in the three major sports that you feel are overlooked by the average sports fan?

There's that football coach guy who nobody really talks about. Bill Belichick. Kidding. It's tough to say what individual coaches are overlooked but I will say that basketball coaches tend to be underrated and baseball managers tend to be overrated. No explanation because it's late and Robert Horry just body-checked Steve Nash across the Mexican border. Note: Don't get roped into a Western Conference playoff series when you're tired. You're just going to have nightmares about Gregg Popovich's hair. Hey Gregg, Malcolm McDowell called...

Impossible Probabilities

2007-05-10T12:00:00.000-04:00

Saj, rank the following six in probability of occurence, from most to least possible, and preferably with a short explanation.

1. Beckett (7-0 in seven starts) wins 30 games.
2. Derrick Lee (.394) or anyone hits .400.
3. Alex Rodriguez (15) or anyone finishes with 62 HR.
4. Francisco Cordero (15) or anyone saves 58 games.
5. The Milwaukee Brewers win the division.
6. The New York Yankees miss the playoffs.

1. The Milwaukee Brewers win the NL Central. Not a very strong division, they've shown great starting pitching and good hitting from their youngsters, and not even Bud Selig (Snidely Whiplash himself) can keep the Chorizo off the Miller Park race track this year.

2. The New York Yankees miss the playoffs. I had a tough time picking between this one and the next two. In the end this seemed like a safer bet. There are just too many good teams in the AL. The wild card could again take at least 90 wins and the Yankees might not have it.

3. Alex Rodriguez (15) or anyone finishes with 62 homers. I could flip-flop this and number two and be fine with it, but I won't. As long as people keep pitching to ARod he has a good shot at 62, not to mention the possibility of guys like Pujols, Howard, Ortiz, or Hafner catching fire and jacking homers like Bonds pops greenies. Plus the possibility of ARod hitting 60 homeruns and the Yankees missing the playoffs is too enticing to not root for.

4. Francisco Cordero (15) or anyone saves 58 games. This is a matter of luck more than anything. Lots of guys can close out 58 games they just need the opportunities. Unfortunately I do not think any one closer will see 60 save opportunities this year.

5. Derrek Lee (.394) or anyone hits .400. I'm beginning to think that hitting .400 is becoming the most impossible single-season hitting milestone to achieve in baseball. More than Dimaggio's 56 games or Wilson's RBI record. The guy who breaks it is going to be a Jose Reyes type (infield singles, walks some) or a Barry Bonds type (only swings at pitches he can drive, walks a lot). Either way it'll take a guy who doesn't strike out a lot and the guiding hand of lady luck to let ten to twenty more hits fall.

6. Josh Beckett (7-0) wins 30 games. Simply impossible. Best case scenario, Beckett gets 35 starts this season. That means he only has five starts in which he can lose or get the no decision and there are too many variables that contribute to a W: run support, opposing pitcher, how many players were paid off by the bookies, etc.

We agree too often. The only difference in our list is that I had Yankees missing the playoffs at 3, and Arod hitting 62 at 2. If you were offered even money on the Yanks making the playoffs, which side would you bet on?

Hands down that they miss the playoffs. I'm never unbiased in bets like these, you know that.

I disagree. I still expect them to make the playoffs, even after getting humiliated by the Rangers today. Saj, you know what's going to happen. They're going to rip off 8 in a row by scoring 65-70 runs, go on a 17 out of 20 streak, and be a few games within the playoff race and with all the momentum in the world. Then everyone will take the Yanks to make the playoffs, the only question will be if they overtake Boston. It's going to happen, it's just a matter of when.

NBA: Filling space with stolen links

2007-05-09T15:58:00.000-04:00

When you steal a link and comment on it from a blog that steals links and comments on them it feels vaguely copycat-ish and extremely meta. And that is exactly what I'm doing. The below was ripped from With Leather which was, in turn, ripped from The Fanhouse.

I justify this by also posting the website of the guys that made this video. They have some other good ones. As my friend Dan said, "the internet is making our society dumber." He forgot to add, "but probably in a good way." As for the illustrious three Mr. Brogan alludes to, Steve Nash is all that remains. And, yes, he does in fact look like Agent Smith but ball like Neo.

Remy and Orsillo: the best broadcast team in baseball

2007-05-08T14:59:00.000-04:00

And speaking of why I think Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo are the best broadcasters in baseball:

Red Sox Love
Uploaded by beisbolct

They're laughing so hard they barely call the double play that ends the inning. And thank G*d for that double play, otherwise who knows how far Manny would have gotten. Of all people, noted psychopath and Gathright-puncher Julian Tavarez?!? I felt like I was watching Oz, and I've never seen the show. Between this and the Pizza throwing Masshole...

I swear, Remy and Orsillo deserve some sort of Super-Emmy since regular Emmys are worthless and nobody knows what the Cable Ace Awards are.

Roger Clemens: Greedy Villain or Villainously Greedy

2007-05-08T07:12:00.000-04:00

How long until Yankee fans plunge off Cloud Nine, and while hurdling at an ever quickening speed towards the earth, realize that Roger Clemens is not a parachute?

How long before they realize he never pitched more than seven innings last year for the Houston Astros, and only pitched seven innings five times? How long before they realize that their bullpen is taxed enough? That bringing in a 5-6 inning pitcher is not a good idea?

How long before they realize that the best hitting opponent in the NL Central last year (St. Louis Cardinals) was ranked 14th in major league baseball in batting average, with the other four teams ranked 26th and lower?

How long before they realize his five years with the Yankees produced ERA's not of the 2.98, 1.87, 2.30 variety that he earned in Houston, but of 4.60, 3.70, 3.51, 4.35, and 3.91, and that was in his late 30's?

In sum, with Clemens at 44 (45 in August), how long until they realize he's returning to the AL East, with better lineups both in the division and the American League, needing to throw more pitches (quality ones at that) than he did in the NL, thereby throwing less innings, thereby making the Yankees' bullpen throw more innings, thereby tiring them out by September and October, when the lineups become even tougher? How long until they realize they spent a record contract to get a 44-year-old with all of the above going against him?

Saj, come November, will the Yankees organization and will Yankee fans be happy they made this signing?

Sure, why not? I'm not a fatalist but I do think it was inevitable that Roger Clemens would pitch in a Yankees uniform this season. After an April like they had Roger's theatrical 7th inning announcement on Sunday was a foregone conclusion. But how much does this really help the Yankees? Very little I say. But that very little could be important. Let's say that Roger's value over a replacement player (say Igawa, Karstens, etc.) is probably less than people are saying. He's still a 6 inning pitcher and even if those six innings are very good that's still three your beleaguered bullpen will have to pitch. Best case scenario: Roger, from June 1 until the end of the season, is worth one to four more wins than a replacement pitcher. That doesn't seem like a lot, and it isn't. But if you're the Yankees and you're competing for a division title, four wins at the top side of the bell curve can be huge. This all goes back to the marginal cost of wins in baseball: as you get closer to the top of the league for each win you will have to pay more. Apparently the Yankees think that paying Roger between $5 million and $20 million a win is a worthwhile investment- not to mention keeping those wins away from the Red Sox.

That being said, Clemens landed where he should have landed. Plain and simple, he would have helped the Red Sox, with their great (so far, knock on wood) pen and their big three starters, much less than he will help the Yankees, especially if you consider Lester vs. Igawa/Karstens as the replacement players. Why not go somewhere where a large segment of the fans don't hate you and you could potentially be the best pitcher on the staff instead of the fourth best? This is all a moot point anyway, Clemens won't even be a top ten pitcher in the American League, let alone all of baseball.

April Vacation Over

2007-05-07T15:31:00.001-04:00

Saj and I have recovered from our intense month of postings from March. We'll be back to blogging in short order.

See you soon.

NBA Playoffs: Thank God for Youtube and Ian Eagle

2007-04-26T09:50:00.000-04:00

My roommate and I were watching game 2 of the Cavaliers/Wizards series last night when this happened:

Our reaction: quixotic. Was this truly just a situation where the producers came back from the commercial break and forgot, intentionally or not, to tell Ian Eagle and Jack Ramsay? Or was this an orchestrated bit? Either way we should be thankful that A) Ian Eagle did not say anything racist and B) he compared a timeout during a professional basketball game to a Bar Mitzvah. Mazel tov!

Video notes: Watch how much Ian Eagle fidgets and, speaking of eagles, how Jack Ramsay is the exact human doppleganger of Sam the Eagle from the Muppet Show.

Status Report

2007-04-25T13:27:00.000-04:00

We haven't posted in a while so here's a status report on what's been going on in the world of sport and otherwise:

- The Yankees really do suck. I'm not sure what's more embarassing for them: being in last place after a month or having to read about it in the New York Post. As far as papers go the Post ranks just below toilet (but above USA Today).

- On April 18, Lionel Messi did what Sergio Agüero did a year ago only to another La Liga team and not some third-rate Argentinean team. Getafe is no Valencia (it's not even Villareal) but La Liga is arguably the best or second best soccer league in the world and this is very impressive:

Trapped by the work monster again, I'll try to post more later...

MLB: Two weeks in

2007-04-17T17:57:00.000-04:00

Quick little plug for my Presidential Politics blog...Much like Saj and I posting everyday in the month of March with our baseball preview, I am making nine straight days of posts during my April vacation.

Anyway, random thoughts on random teams in baseball.

Arizona - They should be pretty happy with baseball's fourth best record and Randy Johnson not yet with the big club. Brandon Webb is a nice anchor, but to get a quality #2 starter will go a long way into maintaining a solid record. Now we just have to see if Johnson can return to quality.

Atlanta - Funny how much easier things are when your bullpen is three-deep.

Baltimore - I really feel bad for these fans. At 7-6 and a game out, they must be optimistic. But how much longer can Eric Bedard and Daniel Cabrera pitch well?

Cleveland & Seattle - They've played nine and eight games, respectively, which is 50% less than many teams. Not only does this throw them off their rhythm now, but they'll be playing double headers in the dog days.

Kansas City - At 3-10, the worst record in baseball. The more things change...

LA Dodgers - Best record in baseball... and Grady Little in charge come postseason time.

Milwaukee - Awww, these guys are so cute on top of their division.

NY Mets - This lineup is scary and it will come around when the weather warms up. The starting pitching is as eclectic as it gets...we'll see if it can hold together for six months.

NY Yankees - This pitching staff is in shambles. SHAMBLES I TELL YOU! Still, it looks as if there's a chance they can line up both Pettitte and Wang for the weekend's showdown at Fenway.

Boston - Starting pitching looks great. Bullpen has been solid and has yet to be involved in a decision. The offense is consistent. The manager is experienced. This is the best team in baseball.

Don Imus: A Response to Ian

2007-04-13T13:56:00.000-04:00

In the interest of full disclosure I will say that I dislike Don Imus. Talk radio is a medium that attracts loudmouthed boors and Imus is no exception. He has a history of saying stupid things (as documented by Slate, here).

If you want opinions on the whole affair from those who are qualified:

1) Michael Wilbon probably wrote the best piece I've read on the subject, highlighting Imus' pathology. Particularly stirring is the excerpt from a "60 Minutes" interview where Imus first denies hiring former producer Bernard McGuirk to do "nigger jokes" and subsequently admits to it only after being called out.

2) Stephen Metcalf, an excellent writer, characterizes Imus as an artifact of sorts that "ought to have been shit-canned" in a headier piece about Imus' place in culture.

3) Jason Whitlock approaches the subject from a less direct vantage point, calling out the glorification of gangster culture in hip-hop. He's right, The Game and Young Jeezy are probably not great role models.

As for the opinion of someone less qualified (because, by my own definition, the criteria for qualification is to be published in a major media outlet- I'm aware that this definition qualifies Dan Shaughnessy and Stephen A. Smith which is an unfortunate externality) and a response to Ian, I offer my two cents.

Ian, despite what Les Moonves or CBS's PR person may have said, the real reason for dismissing Don Imus was not for just this one comment about the Rutgers womens basketball team. Principally, it's a financial decision. As Dr. Z from SI put it: "CBS Radio did an assessment of the balance sheet, which is how corporate people adjust their morality, and decided that whatever financial gain Imus might generate in the future would be offset by the loss of advertising revenue, plus image..." When Imus said the words, “nappy-headed hos” it was picked up by the media, the blogosphere, and the youtube community launching an off-the-cuff remark into a maelstrom. The writing was on the wall. Once MSNBC quit on Imus, CBS has no other option than to follow suit or they would look like a collaborator, damaging their public image and, in turn, their bottom line.

And to say that Imus’ history or saying racist and sexist things was not an issue here is just plain wrong. Here’s a hypothetical: a producer at CNN hears of the Imus story and says to his coworkers, “Yeah, but Imus has been saying s*** like this for twenty years- wait a minute, Imus HAS been saying s*** like this for twenty years…” and two hours later it comes out that Imus once referred to journalist Howard Kurtz as a “boner-nosed… beanie-wearing Jewboy” and sidekick Sid Rosenberg noted that Serena and Venus Williams would “more likely be featured in National Geographic than in Playboy.” Sure “nappy-headed hos” was the tipping point, but there were PLENTY of coins in the curse jar before it overflowed. “Why now?” is NOT a suitable argument in defense of Don Imus.

As for your characterization of Jesse Jackson as a hypocrite for calling Imus out after he spoke out against the Duke lacrosse players, it’s specious at best. The situations are wholly different. When Jackson spoke, there were pending, serious criminal charges against the Duke students and Jackson felt he was speaking out against an injustice. Perhaps Jackson should not have presumed their guilt, but at least there was a question of it. The facts from the case are that a group of predominantly affluent, predominantly white, student-athletes threw a party in which they hired significantly less affluent African American strippers and provided alcohol to 18, 19, and 20 year olds. Excuse me if I give Mr. Jackson a pass on this one.

On the flip side, Don Imus turned a female Division I basketball team into an object of ridicule for no perceivable reason other than his own edification. Here is an extended excerpt from the video: “…some rough girls from Rutgers. They got tattoos… some nappy-headed hos… the girls from Tennessee they all look cute… the jigaboos versus the wannabes…” (the last line belongs it Bernard “the nigger joke man” McGuirk referencing the Spike Lee movie School Daze in which two dichotomous groups of students at an all-black college fight over race and identity, one group more “black” and the other more “white.”)

I’m not going to go into why what he said was so bad, the odds are you’ve read about it ad nauseum at this point. But I do want to focus on one fact: these girls are innocents. Complete innocents. And Don Imus calls them out for being less attractive and less “feminine” than their opponents in a manner that reeks of both racism and sexism. Female athletes, especially female student-athletes, have a hard enough time dealing with the specter of the feminine ideal without the Don Imuses of the world making it more difficult for them.

And I just can’t get behind you equating the Rutgers womens basketball to Alex Rodriguez or Jason Kidd or even J.J. Reddick. These girls are student-athletes. They’re not mugging for the camera or endorsing Pepsi. It’s possible that none of them will get a dime more than their scholarship out of basketball. And this was no baseless insult from the peanut gallery, some drunk heckler that shouted “nappy-headed hos” from the fifth row. This is a radio personality, and not even a sports radio personality, de-humanizing and de-feminizing them just to make himself cackle. It’s malicious from top to bottom.

And please don’t weep for Don Imus or his throngs of listeners who won’t get to hear his farewell. Idiots are like cats, they always land on their feet (SEE ALSO: Rush Limbaugh). Soon the ink will dry on a behemoth of a deal with Sirius or XM and Imus can join Howard Stern and Opie and Anthony as the shock-jock dinosaurs in the retirement home of satellite radio.

You're right on so many levels. We agree on so many levels. We should not however, let our opinion of Don Imus, or our disgust with his humor and history of crass behavior get in the way of making an objective report of what happened. At the very essence of this case is the despicable way CBS handled it, and it's atrocious the amount of hypocrisy coming from every corner.

On your first point we're in complete agreement. The reason they gave was a lie. Terrible job by CBS.

On your second point, Jesse Jackson called the lacrosse players "rapists" when they weren't. Forgive me for saying that such a statement is much more unjust than Imus saying something stupid during an unfunny comedy riff. Jesse Jackson is a role model, a Congressman, and a civil rights activist. Imus is a guy on the radio that has carved a niche for himself doing this kind of inane stuff, with never a public word from CBS condoning him. So, to recap, Jackson, someone who is supposed to be held to a higher standard, carefully chose his words and described as fact that accused innocent men had committed one of the worst crimes you could admit, completely oblierating their reputations until the case completely fell apart. Meanwhile, Imus, a guy who everyone knows should be taken with a grain of salt, said something off the cuff that he later apologized for, including to their face, and the girls have done nothing but gain from this situation. You're right, the two aren't even comparable.

Fine, forget the athletic comparisons. I concede the high ground there.

And I am not weeping for Don Imus. I don't like him. I think he's said a ridiculous amount of stupid things in his career. But is there any evidence of CBS saying, "Listen, Don, tone it down or we're going to let you go."? The coin that overfilled the jar does not work here, as you can tell when the jar is getting too full and know not to put another coin in. A more apt analogy would be placing rocks in a pond and then stuffing in Everest...when this issue should have been not much bigger than the other rocks. Again, I am in complete agreement that those were all awful things, and if he was warned by his employer that they were unacceptable and could result in termination, than I'd be okay with this.

But they fired him for doing his job, a job that made them millions of dollars for decades. He should not have been fired for this. He's apologized. The more this drags out, the more all other disingenuous parties make him look better by comparison. People want to make him jump through hoops, do the talk show circuit, apologize to the world. He was right in drawing the line. He said he'd apologize to those girls and he did. He's insinuating political correctness is becoming a joke. Some people deserve respect, like those girls. Other don't, like the hypocrites.

And for the first time in a long time, I respect Don Imus.

Don Imus: Wronged Jerk

2007-04-12T17:28:00.000-04:00

Listen, Don Imus is a jerk. We know this. What he said was stupid. We know that. And now we know he's out of a job. Can someone please TELL ME why doesn't Don Imus still have his job?

The answer IS because he's made some recently insensitive comments about a group of innocent female athletes. The answer is NOT that this is the latest in a long line of moronic insults, although he's undoubtedly made them. That is NOT what got him fired. It was this one comment. CBS even stated as much in their statement.

Please, please, PLEASE tell me how there aren't numerous double standards in this fallout...

Tell me how Jesse Jackson can demand that Don Imus be fired after Jackson himself called the innocent Duke lacrosse players "rapists" and "thugs." Which is more disparaging, being called a nappy headed hoe or being called a rapist? Which victimized group got sympathy and which got death threats? Someone find me that Jesse Jackson apology and someone show me where Jackson's income is getting slammed.

Tell me how Howard Stern never lost his job while making endless racist jokes. Tell me how South Park is still on the air after last night's episode alone insulted gays, Persians, Mexicans, and Butters. Tell me how Carlos Mencia still has a job on Comedy Central making a living off racism.

Tell me how a rapper can call women hoes and have no recourse, but Don Imus does it and gets FIRED. Both are entertainers. Both are public figures. Both can be listened to by any demographic.

Tell me how Imus' endless insults and barbs towards just about everyone goes without even the threat of him losing his job, and then one public outcry costs him his job.

Tell me how the Rutgers girls basketball team can claim to be athletes yet not be able to take baseless insults from the peanut gallery. Has Alex Rodriguez, Jason Kidd, or J.J. Reddick heard any insults or disparaging remarks hurled at them?

Tell me how Rosie O'Donnell can take personal shots at Republicans on The View (among an endless list of other moronic comments) and keep her job.

Tell me how Rush Limbaugh can criticize a Parkinson's Disease victim as faking it (among an endless list of other moronic comments) and keep his job.

Finally, tell me how CBS, the most gutless character in this overblown story, spends years making money off Don Imus saying stupid shit for four hours every morning, and then fire him, without warning, for saying something no stupider than many things he's said in the past. Moreover, they did it during a week where he was raising money for charity, without letting him finish this week of fundraising, not even allowing him to say good-bye to listeners that have listened to him for decades. Tell me why he deserves to be fired by his employer for doing what practically must have been his job desription. Tell me that.

Papelbon, Fenway ovations

2007-04-10T12:52:00.000-04:00

Idle thoughts while waiting for the Red Sox home opener (2:05)

This was my stance on the Papelbon debate on Easter morning:

When the Sox had a 2-3 record and Papelbon had one appearance with a 3-run lead, it seemed foolish that Julian Tavarez started the game that had the Sox fall to one game under .500. If Papelbon was a starter, Wakefield's strong outing could have occured in the fifth game of the year and the Sox would be one game over .500. The only other difference would have been that a different Red Sox reliever would have been counted on for that 3 run save, and probably have gotten it. More importantly, Julian Tavarez wouldn't be starting every fifth game.

Well, I wouldn't say I've done a 180, but I certainly paused to think about going in a new direction.

On Sunday night, with Boston leading Texas 3-2 with one out and the tying run on third base and two of the most dangerous hitters in the league (Young and Teixeira) coming up, Francona called on his closer. A few minutes later, the lead is still safe and the eighth is over. An inning later and Papelbon finishes off a dominant five out save and the Sox hang on. Saj proceeded to ask me: "How big is your Papelboner right now." And I could only reply truthfully. "Enormous."

But here's the thing. He's too good. He is Rivera, Smoltz, and Gagne in their prime good. Papelbon, like Smoltz, was meant to be a starter. Guys like that are too good to be a closer. There's a reason Pedro Martinez and Randy Johnson did not pitch out of the bullpen. They would have been the best two closers ever, no doubt in my mind. The door would be slammed shut as soon as they came in. But where were they more valuable? As a starter, of course.

Now, I am by no means saying I expect Papelbon to be as good as Martinez. What I am saying is that he can be a great starting pitcher. He has heat, stuff, a brain, and catcher who calls the best games in the world. He could be great. And a great starting pitcher is much more valuable than even the best closer ever. Just ask the Yankees, mired in an oh-too-long-for-that-payroll six-year drought, despite having the best closer in the league.

Anyway, with every Papelbon save, my opinion will probably waiver. I'm never going to say he doesn't look fantastic out there. He does. But the Red Sox will lose a majority of Tavarez starts, and maybe half of Wakefields. And that's difficult for a closer to make up.

Saj, I'd like your thoughts on this. Also, quick predictions before the Fenway home opener. Rank what you think will be the five loudest ovations at Fenway, and then name one or two players whose ovations will be luke warm.

Five loudest
1. Matsuzaka
2. Papelbon
3. Ortiz
4. Varitek
5. Manny

Worst ovations (non-bench players): Lugo, Crisp, Tavarez

I disagree with you on Papelbon, and here's why:

1. Papelbon was a closer in college and a damn good one.
2. This Peter Gammons piece from yesterday (ESPN Insider). It perfectly summarizes what Papelbon does for the Red Sox, mentally. He basically ensure that the Red Sox win games that they are in a position to win through seven or eight innings. It's a morale boost to know that if you score runs early you have a great insurance policy.
3. What he did on Sunday was one of the best relief performances I have ever seen. He came in with guys on first and third with a one run lead and threw 15 pitches for 5 outs and 3 strikeouts, including a three-pitch domination of Brad Wilkerson to end the game. I'm well aware of the "200 innings is better than 100 innings" argument, but we seem to take "Papelbon being an ace starter" as a given when it is not. He's got great stuff, but so did Eric Gagne and he was a complete bust as a starter.
4. That glower on the mound. Papelbon is, hands down, the scariest white dude in baseball. He personifies the intimidation that Randy Johnson used to have back when he wasn't 300 years old and his left arm wasn't fossilized.
5. Top to bottom, Papelbon makes the bullpen better. Now Francona can use Romero, Donnelly, Pineiro, Timlin in innings 5 through 8 with seemingly reckless abandon. Like I said before, this is the best Red Sox bullpen since El Guapo was rolling around out there and we all know what a good bullpen can do in the playoffs.
6. Jon Lester is only six weeks away at a time when the fifth starter is the least necessary. I do think Tavarez should be taken out of the rotation ASAP in favor of the incredible Devern Hansack (who has an incredible tale) as Lester's placeholder. Remember Lester is only 23 and, as a fifth starter, he's major league ready.

Giddy for opening day at the Fens: watching on www.mlb.tv in the office, over/under on when I get fired is 3:30.

MLB: First Week Ramblings

2007-04-06T15:33:00.000-04:00

- I watched the Dice-K start yesterday at work and between hooting and hollering at every pitch I noticed that the Royals broadcast team once refered to him as "Daisuke Matsui" and once as "Matmatzaka." As always the lesson is that if you're going to let white people announce sports contests, make sure they're younger than 50. White people and Walt Frazier.

- My koworker Karl sent me this article about an ambidextrous college pitcher today. For a long time Ian has been clamoring about the benefits of an switch-pitcher and I have been saying that it's almost impossible for someone to develop pitching-level arm strength in both arms. Well, Pat Venditte has proven me wrong and Ian right- a first in the history of our friendship. I think Venditte should take this whole two-handed thing further and develop an nasty two-handed breaking pitch that he delivers over his head as if he were a soccer player tossing a ball in from the sideline. Then he could give it a cool name like "The Annihilator" and mug for the crowd when he's about to pull it out with two strikes on a guy. Sorry, I've been reading too many wikipedia professional wrestling articles today.

- The fantasy season is only three games deep and already I've decided that my drafting of A.J. Burnett over Rich Harden was the stupidest thing I will do this year. On the team in question (I have three) my pitching is anchored by Dave Bush and Rich Hill with Brad Lidge in my bullpen. Yikes. And it was all a panicky brainfart during the 12th round when I saw I hadn't drafted a starter other than Kazmir yet. And I also drafted him before Papelbon. I'm going to propose that the league commissioner just dissolve my team. Not literally though, I'm just being dramatic.

- I know it's still early in the season, but I love that a Yankees starter has not lasted further than four and a third innings in the first two games this year. And I love that A-Rod popped out with the bases-loaded last night in the eighth when the Yankees lost by only one run. I love that too. And I love that for every Jeter error, A-Rod chokejob, or loss to the Devil Rays more and more New York fans jump on the Mets' bandwagon. That's what I love most of all.

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Conclusion

2007-04-05T07:30:00.000-04:00

Boston Red Sox vs. New York Yankees: Trillionaires Collide!*
*Might be overstating it a bit.

The day before the season's first full slate of games, Saj and I will break down the greatest rivalry in sports this side of Sorenstam-Pak. This rivalry, first born out of tradition and mutual disdain, has evolved into baseball version of the Cold War, with each side outspending all other competitors in the time-honored male activity of oneupsmanship. The last two seasons have had the New York Yankees spending over 200 million dollars each year, an accomplishment no other American sports organization has ever come close to. While the Red Sox stood a solid 70 million behind, that was still enough to be comfortably ahead of the third highest spender. Now the rough 2007 numbers have the Red Sox approaching 160 million, while the Yanks have only slightly trimmed down their gargantuan budget.

But now 'tis the season to see how well money can swing a bat and paint the corner. Time to break it down, position by position. Saj and I will alternate posting and responding at each position. Tomorrow afternoon, check back in for our official predictions of the 2007 season. We will then take a week off to recooperate from the longest month of our lives. (My fingers won't stop bleeding.)

Once again, my font is in bold, while Saj's font is regular. Without further ago, the conclusion to our month long baseball preview:

THE BOSTON RED SOX AND THE NEW YORK YANKEES

CATCHER

To properly gauge who has the better catcher, one needs to decide what is the catcher's most important job on the team. Is it to provide good hitting to extend the potence of a lineup? Is it to be a human backstop behind the plate? Is it to be a de facto leader of the team? Is it to handle the pitching staff? The Red Sox and Yankees have two of the better catchers of the last six to eight years, but of late they have become known as such for two different reasons. Jorge Posada has consistently been one of the top hitting catchers in the game. He has hit 20 or more homeruns in six of the last seven seasons (the other season was 19). Last season he hit 24 home runs, drove in 93 runs, and played 143 games while hitting an admirable .277. As a switch hitter, he's more than a catcher, but an asset at the plate.

Jason Varitek, meanwhile, is much more of an asset behind the plate. His offensive numbers are in steady declinaton, but no one in baseball calls a better game or handles a pitching staff with as much skill. His powers of making a pitcher their best even extend into the fantasy realm. Last year, my fantasy baseball team, brilliantly named Cheney's Pacemaker, was in first place right through August. However, in mid-August at our trade deadline, I decided to shore up my last week link before the playoffs, and traded Varitek in a deal for Josh Willingham. My pitching staff promptly fell apart, and my first place regular season team lost in the semi-finals. That is the power of Varitek.

Lately, of course, mentioning power and Varitek in the same sentence is impossible. He looked increasingly terrible at the plate last year and looks atrocious this spring, hitting barely over .100. So we return to the beginning of this verbose catcher preview. Which do I prioritize as the chief task of the catcher? While all are important, I'll take the guy that can lower my pitching staff's ERA. Slight Edge: Red Sox

Ian, I agree with you. Posada is a better hitting catcher (Varite k will be atrocious at the plate this year), which may be more valuable than a catcher's effect on a pitching staff (great BP article), but as they both enter their age 35 season I just can't see Posada hitting like he used to which is where the bulk of his value lies. As far as more conventional defensive stats Posada has given up 43 passed balls in the last four years to Varitek's 11 and while Posada has a better caught-stealing percentage, people tend to run on him more for whatever reason and that could skew the numbers. In the end I give the edge to Varitek because there is no way in hell Posada could ever grow such an awesome goatee. And do I even have to mention how awesome THIS was? Edge: Red Sox.

FIRST BASE

The Yankees are a mystifying team in that for all their All-stars they always have one or two fundamentally terrible players in their lineup. Karim Garcia was one. Miguel Cairo was another. And the list goes on. In the spirit of that time-honored tradition, the 2007 Yankees have handed the first base reins over to the two-headed monster that is the Doug Mientkiewicz/Josh Phelps experience. Mientkiewicz is very, very bad at the plate. And while good, he's overrated as a defensive specialist. I think it was Confucius who said, "Fielding first base better than Kevin Millar is like beating a cripple in a footrace. You may win but that does not make you Jesse Owens." And that Confucius was a smart fella, I'll tell you that much. Oh, and Giambi might suit up at first for a few games (especially in inter-league play). Get ready to Tivo that steroid-fueled three ring circus. The guy can barely touch his toes with a yardstick.

Meanwhile the Red Sox are suiting up a man affectionately known to all as "The Greek God of Walks." Kevin Youkilis is an on-base machine who, as a transplanted third baseman, plays plus defense. He's very well suited to hit second ahead of Manny Ortez and the gang. Edge: Red Sox.

Am I the only one who was surprised that the Yankees didn't enter the now over Todd Helton talks? Either they upgrade at first base OR they drive up the price on the Sox. Giambi out of the infield is truly addition by subtraction, and the Yankees have enough hitting as it is, so I don't blame them for trying to shore up the defense of their entire infield (Can you say E-Rod?) by starting better defensive first basemen. Still, one cannot deny the pluses Youkilis brings to the table as a perfect table setter for the Sox loaded middle of the order. I'd like to see him hitting #1 or #2 all year. The Yankees platoon, defensively, is not far superior to Youkilis', but they will be a very weak spot in the Yankees offense, while Youkilis is an intergral part of the Sox' lineup. Edge: Red Sox

SECOND BASE

By the end of this season, Robinson Cano will be Yankees fans' second favorite player after his double play partner. He will hit well over .300, play a decent second base, and make every Yankee fan proud that he's one of the few players that came up through the system. The Red Sox counter with their own home grown product, Dustin Pedroia. Pedroia has been a name good Red Sox fans have known for a couple years. The 2007 season was always his target date of arrival, but now that he's here, Sox fans are more nervous than excited. With Hanley Ramirez, Freddy Sanchez, and Anibal Sanchez doing so well as ex-Red Sox farm products, Sox fans might become furious that the one that remained was the one that didn't amount to anything. Edge: Yankees

Agreed, Cano is good. Nothing to add. Edge: Yankees.

SHORTSTOP

This guy versus this guy? Long story short I am finally willing to admit that I want to be Derek Jeter. For the longest time I was 100% sure Jeter was overrated but he had a MVP-caliber season last year and he's shored up his spotty defense in recent years. He's still overrated by Yankee fans but he's a Hall-of-Famer in both the sport of baseball and the sport of banging impossibly hot and famous women. And for some goddamn reason the Red Sox paid Julio Lugo $36 million. Edge: Yankees.

Nah, I gotta take Lugo over Jeter. And then I'll take the Yankees to go all the way. Both statements are laughable. Edge: Yankees.

THIRD BASE

Man, this hurts. Where's Scott Cooper when you need him? Mike Lowell is respectable. He works hard, he's a good clubhouse guy, he can hit for power and hit in the gaps. Defensively, he plays a great third base. He has a goatee. And that's about it. He's not getting any younger and this will probably be his last year in Boston. On the Yankees' side, we have what could be the most talented player in the game. Sure, he's a bigger head case than Jason Voorhees, but he's still a five tool player who scares you for six innings a game and 140 games a year. Unless you're David Wright or Miguel Cabrera, the third base matchup will always go to the Bronx Bombers. Edge: Yankees.

I don't want to talk about it. Edge: Yankees

OUTFIELD

Very difficult to tell this one. So I'm going to say it's a wash. A healthy Coco Crisp and a healthy J.D. Drew alongside Manny Ramirez could eclipse the production of the vaunted Yankees outfield of Bobby Abreu, Hideki Matsui, and Johnny Damon. All three of them aren't getting any younger and Matsui might be the only to reach upper 20's in homeruns. But they'll stay healthy which is more than you can say for the Red Sox. Edge: Even

What are you smoking? *Editor's note: You know what I'm smoking* As a whole this Yankee outfield is easily better than the Red Sox outfield. One by one, it's Manny over Matsui, but Damon and Abreu by a mile over Crisp and Drew. Edge: Yankees

DESIGNATED HITTER

Whew. Big Papi puts a stop to this Yankees run of four straight edges since the Sox took the first two. Giambi is a very good hitter. Nice OBP. Good eye. Good power, especially at Yankee Stadium. But David Ortiz is the best designated hitter in the league, and one of the top five hitters in all of baseball. Edge: Red Sox

Completely in agreement. Jason Giambi IS a very good hitter and his last two seasons in Oakland were actually statistically better than anything anyone else (not named Barry Bonds) has done in the last two decades of baseball, including Pujols, Hafner, and Ramirez. but Giambi is five or six seasons removed from those seasons and presumably from steroid abuse. He's still a dangerous hitter in a pro-lefty park but David Ortiz is 1B to Hafner's 1A in terms of the best DH's in the league. And he has the Papi-mystique, the 500-foot homeruns, the personality, and the second-best righthanded hitter in the game protecting him in the lineup. Simply put, David Ortiz is the best non-Ryan Howard bet to hit 60 homeruns this year. Edge: Red Sox

LINEUP

Edge: Yankees

Quick lineup note: It's easy to forget how good the Yankees lineup actually is. They lead the league in runs scored last year (scoring runs being the principle objective of an offense) by 60 and they are a good bet to do it again. But Cano is their only regular younger than 31 and their defense is weak. Edge: Yankees

PITCHING

I'm really happy to state this: the Red Sox have an unequivocally better pitching staff than the Yankees. You can't even argue this point. Top to the bottom in the rotation, and even, finally, in the bullpen. Schilling, even despite his opening day hiccup, Beckett, and Matsuzaka might be baseball's best top three and with Papelbon closing and guys like Romero, Donnelly, Pineiro, Timlin around to set up, this Red Sox bullpen is the best it has been since the days of Hipolito Pichardo and Rich Garces. Meanwhile the Yankees had to start THIS GUY on opening day, Andy Pettitte is sporting grey streaks in his hair (and a balky back), Mike Mussina will be 38 this season, and Chien-Ming Wang started the season on the DL with a strained right hamstring. Hamstring injuries don't just fade away (SEE ALSO: Junior Griffey) and his right leg is the one he uses to push off the rubber. How effective will his power sinker really be this season? Speaking of power sinkers, don't you need a good infield defense to complement them? I guess Brian Cashman never got that memo. And their bullpen looks just about as crappy as any other Yankees bullpen since they overused Tom Gordon and Paul Quantrill: cross your fingers for a few innings and let Mariano Rivera dominate the ninth. In the end the Yankees will score enough runs to make the playoffs in spite of their pitching, but to stick around in the playoffs I'll take Schilling, Beckett, and Daisuke. Edge: Red Sox.

My thoughts almost exactly. Though your comparison of lineups reeked of bias, this pitching comparison is spot on. I don't have anything else to add to the starters. For the bullpen, I'd say that Joel Piniero does not help ones argument when discussing the strength of Boston's bullpen. (I expect him to be traded soon.) Who you did forget was Craig Hansen and Manny Del Carmen, who are both very young, improving, and won't have to be relied upon to get big outs in the 8th and 9th. Papelbon's move to the bullpen I did not agree with, but it did mean that Boston's bullpen became a strength, as Romero, Timlin, and Donnelly is actually a damned good trio of set up men. Edge: Red Sox.

Final tally:
Yankees 4
Red Sox 4

Here we go again.

Ian calling me a biased sports fan is like Mussolini calling FDR a fascist.

Saj using humor as a defense mechanism is as automatic as Papelbon in the ninth.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Al East
Toronto Blue Jays
Baltimore Orioles
Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Toronto Blue Jays

2007-03-29T16:15:00.000-04:00

Orioles: Bedard will be at least a top 10 pitcher in the AL this year. Ditto Cabrera, if he ever finds the strike zone. I might be exaggerating just a little, but they're good those two.

THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS

Pitching: Roy Halladay is very good. B.J. Ryan is very good. A.J. Burnett could be very good (my fantasy team depends on it). The rest is crap. The reason I zoomed through that is because I wanted to spend more time talking about the newest addition to the Blue Jays' family: the inimitable Mr. Victor Zambrano.

Way back in 2004, Mr. Zambrano spent every fifth day of the first half of his season pitching for a team by the name of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Life was simple for Victor. He lived near the beach, drove a brand new Range Rover, and, for the most part, was not asked to win baseball games. In fact, all his organization asked of him was that he pitch well enough to improve his trade value which would enable him to escape baseball purgatory and enable the Devil Rays to reap a bounty for his services. Victor didn't perform at an overwhelming level in Tampa as evidenced by his exactly league average ERA. If you consider his 1.5+ WHIP and 1.2 K/BB ratio he was probably a below average pitcher. But Victor was also a 28-year-old making only $325,000 who threw in the mid-90s and that made him an appealing target for the front office of any team still in the playoff hunt. One such front office was that of the New York Mets.

The General Manager of the Mets at the time, Jim Duquette, was a formidable, but simple, man. Raised on a turnip farm in French Canada, Duquette learned from an early age the value of hard work and discipline when it came to turnip horticulture. As a youth he won several 4-H medals in the study and was a legitimate superstar in his field. Duquette, and the Mets, hoped that success in turnips would translate to success in operating a baseball franchise.

As the trade deadline loomed ever closer, Duquette found himself enamored by Victor Zambrano. But he didn't want to tip his hand. So he sent the Devil Rays a preliminary offer of a little known left-handed pitching prospect by the name of Scott Kazmir. Kazmir was slight of build, he looked more like a golfer than a pitcher, and was widely regarded as one of those high-risk, low-ceiling prospects. Duquette was unsure of his chances of landing Zambrano with such dubious bait, but he proposed it anyway and much to his delight, the Devil Rays accepted.

That was fun, wasn't it? NOW FOR REALITY. In reality, Scott Kazmir was a 20-year-old who was the Mets best pitching prospect since Dwight Gooden nearly two decades earlier. In reality, Kazmir held the Texas state high school single-season record for strikeouts, eclipsing by three the record then held by Josh Beckett (to put that in perspective both Nolan Ryan and Roger Clemens, one and two in all-time strikeouts, played high school baseball in Texas). In reality, Scott Kazmir was Baseball America's 2002 player of year and he was drafted 13th overall and given a Mets-team record $2.15 million signing bonus. In reality, Scott Kazmir struck out 34 batters in his first 18 innings of professional baseball at the age of 18-years-old. In reality, the Mets lost five straight after the trade and missed the playoffs by 25 games. In reality, Kazmir is now the Devil Rays franchise leader in strikeouts despite being only 22 and having pitched only 364 innings at the major league level. In reality, Jim Duquette is a f**king doofus (maybe it's in the genes???). Take that Mets-fans, you Bill Buckner-chanting, Mookie Wilson-loving a*******.

Hitting: That Kazmir thing took a lot out of me so this might be short. The "big bat" in the lineup presumably belongs to Vernon Wells, the man the Blue Jays overpaid to stay in Toronto. Don't get me wrong, there are more egregiously overpaid outfielders than Vernon Wells but that doesn't mean it's okay to give him $126 million dollars. I guess baseball finances are trending in that direction and I'm behind the times on what exactly $126 million dollars will get you nowadays. As for the rest: 39-year-old Frank Thomas was a nice addition to the lineup provided he can stay healthy and produce at the level he produced last year for Oakland. Troy Glaus and Lyle Overbay are solid corner infield bats at their prime and Alex Rios in the sole quality representative of Toronto's youth movement. The negative: for some reason Royce Clayton is their starting shortstop. And I can't get behind that.

Miscellaneous: The Kazmir rant probably falls under this category. But as a bonus, I think the Blue Jays should take a cue from Tampa Bay and shorten their name to just the Jays. The Toronto Jays. Sure it sounds stupid, but their uniforms and their stadium look stupid. In fact, they should call themselves the Toronto Stupid Jays. Canadian schmucks.

Stupid Jays related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on number of Scott Kazmir pitching performances I will try to get roommate and Mets' fan Rob to watch on mlb.tv this season: all of them. I know it's impossible, but I'd take the over.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Al East
Baltimore Orioles
Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Baltimore Orioles

2007-03-29T12:05:00.000-04:00

Quick Devil Rays thought: Why do they exist? The Devil Rays are the greatest argument for contraction since Wyoming was introduced to the Union.

THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES

Pitching: In pitching coach Leo Mazzone's second year, there is cause for excitement for the Oriole faithful. Mazzone has the remarkable capability of getting a pitcher to pitch his absolute best. The problem, however, is that this starting rotation doesn't exactly have the highest ceiling in the world. There are four adequate starters (Bedard, Wright, Trachsel, and Cabrera), but none of them excite anyone. These are average to slightly-above-average starters. The bullpen, on the other hand, might be one of the best in baseball. They have three guys with closing experience (Ray, Baez, Williamson) and one of the better right handed set up men in the game (Bradford). There are few teams with which I'd feel more comfortable with a lead in the seventh.

Hitting: Like the Devil Rays, the poor Orioles have the misfortune of competing in the same division as the two biggest spenders in the sport. Miguel Tejada was the only big free agent that wanted to come compete with a team guaranteed not to compete. Since Miggy's arrival in Baltimore, it's been mostly overachievers like Melvin Mora and Brian Roberts. This offseason's biggest acquisition was Aubrey Huff, a hard worker with a nice stick, but nowhere near enough to compete with Ortiz-Ramirez or Giambi-Abreu-Rodriguez-Matsui.

Miscellaneous: How much do Orioles fans hate New Yorkers and Bostonians? I mean, unlike Tampa Bay, Baltimore loves their baseball team. And for a solid five years, their season is over before it begins. I'd be so bitter.

Orioles-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Realistic calculation on the amount of times Leo Mazzone, notorious for rocking back and forth, rocks in one season. Two hundred times per half inning times two to make a full inning times nine innings at an average of four hundred times per inning, multiplied by 162 games. Over/Under on amount of rocks this season: 583,200. I would not feel comfortable taking the under.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

Al East
Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Tampa Bay Devil Rays

2007-03-28T19:35:00.000-04:00

So here we are at the final division of this exhaustive exercise in futility. But before we get to the actual AL East (READ: Red Sox and Yankees) we have three teams to schlep through, most likely half-assedly. And before you give me the "the Blue Jays finished second last year" argument, go f**k yourself. It's a stupid argument and it holds no water.

THE TAMPA BAY (DEVIL) RAYS

Pitching: Remember when Edwin Jackson was a stud prospect for the Dodgers? I do. Sure he's still only 23 but you don't trade a 21-year-old pitching prospect unless you think he'll get hurt (Francisco Liriano) or you think he's not worth what everyone thinks he's worth (Brandon McCarthy). Ergo the trade of Edwin Jackson for the ultimately forgettable Lance Carter and Danys Baez. Of course if the trade bounty is Victor Zambrano, by all means trade the best young arm to come through your system since Dwight Gooden. That's right, I'm talking about the Mets trade of the super-awesome Scott Kazmir. Just something for Mets fans to think about... Anyway, the rest of the staff is incredibly forgettable.

Hitting: Great young outfield with three guys under 25: Rocco Baldelli, Carl Crawford, and Delmon Young, with Baldelli the most probable to be traded to make space for top prospect Elijah Dukes. Then there's Japanese import Akinori Iwamura, the least touted of the three Japanese players that posted this offseason. Iwamura might have 20 to 30 homerun power this season but he's little more than a placeholder for yet another Devil Rays top prospect, Evan Longoria. This is all without mentioning 22-year-old B.J. Upton whose poor defense is the only thing that's keeping him in his current super-utility role. The theme seems to be youth and potential. Bringing young players up early is a Catch-22 for this star-crossed franchise. The more major league service time these players have the better they will be but also the sooner they can leave for free agency. Oh, to be a professional baseball team in a market that probably shouldn't have a professional baseball team. How soon before we transfer the franchise to Puerto Rico and move a Triple-A team into that grotesque ballpark in St. Petersburg?

Miscellaneous: A two-parter. First, the Devil Rays are slated to change their team name from the "Devil Rays" to the "Rays" at some vague point at the very end of this season. I thought I'd have something funny to say about this, but I really don't. Second, Evan Longoria? No relation, I checked. And it's also not one of those Victor/Victoria, Juwanna Mann, Brandis in Ladybugs sort of things (I checked that too). Just an odd coincidence. Permit me, however, to imagine the pettite and incomparable Eva Longoria suiting up at third for the Devil Rays. Obviously her range factor would be non-existent in those heels and that short little tennis skirt she'd wear in the field, but the complete neutralization of left-handed batters is probably worth it. And for the right-handed batters maybe suit up some sexy young guy in board shorts at first. Righties are notorious bummers as proven by scientific fact (insert bisexual-switch hitter joke HERE). I'm completely convinced this is a good idea. Give Eva a low cut jersey with a pushup bra (she's not just pettite in height, unfortunately) and put a dolled-up Tony Parker in the front row behind the plate and you've got some Devil Rays games that I would watch. Additional gratuitous Eva pictures (from Maxim so I'm assuming SFW unless you work in a school and/or nunnery or you just don't want to be the pervert looking up Maxim pictures at work. Trust me, after the first few weeks it's old news and they stop talking about it behind your back.)

Devil Rays Related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Sorry can't come up with something. I'm still thinking about Eva Longoria.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL Central
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Minnesota Twins

2007-03-28T06:53:00.000-04:00

Quick Tigers thought: The Tigers have the 2004 Florida Marlins written all over them, right down to the crusty, old manager with lungs blacker than freshly laid tar.

THE MINNESOTA TWINS

Pitching: Keep an eye on a developing ace in the Twins organization. His name is Johan Santana and he's got decent stuff. Methinks he has the potential to eat up some innings for the Twins this year. He better have success, because the next five guys battling for the remaining four spots in the rotation had a combined 2006 record of 36-48.

Hitting: The Twinkies return the AL MVP (Morneau) and the best hitting catcher in the game (Mauer). They don't seem to have any intention of having these two talented hitters batting next to each other, a move most teams would call a no-brainer. You put your best two hitters at the 3-4 spots in the lineup, right? Not the Twins. They've decided to split them up, interjecting the middle of the order with the serviceable Michael Cuddyer. Before you question that decision, be reminded of two things: 1) Last year, Cuddyer hit 24 homeruns with 106 RBI and 102 runs scored. 2) The Twins won their division with the same strategy. So, I guess we'll let them go against the grain on this one.

One more note on their hitting. Any organization who includes a J. Bartlett on their team is all right in my book.

Miscellaneous: Boof Bonser is engaged to an old friend from my sophomore year of college, herein referred to as JC. We got along great, and under different circumstances, something definitely could have developed. My overwhelming loyalty to my at-the-time girlfriend put me in a position where I felt bad for liking JC as much as I did and lost contact with her perhaps one year after our friendship began. By the time I became single, we had lost touch and only recently did I realize we had a mutual very good friend. When I learned that he knew her, I got excited, only to be dejected by his revelation of her current situation. My point? I hate Boof Bonser.

Twins-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under on when I forget about JC dating a Major League Baseball pitcher: Roughly never.

Previous Previews

AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL Central
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Kansas City Royals

AL West
Oakland Athletics
Los Angeles Angels
Texas Rangers
Seattle Mariners

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
Chicago Cubs

NL West
San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
Arizona Diamondbacks

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Detroit Tigers

2007-03-27T23:51:00.000-04:00

From a young age I was taught to not let my personal life affect my professional life. But I've gone and done it. Illness and time constraints have forced my hand. Here's an abridged preview of the Detroit Tigers, or as I like to call them, the team that lost to the worst World Series Champion in history.

THE DETROIT TIGERS

Pitching: Their pitching was, hands down, the strength of their team last year and it will be again this year. There are some questions however. Can Kenny Rogers continue to be effective at the age of 42? Also, can he be effective without smearing the ball with pine tar and peanut butter? Will Justin Verlander suffer a sophomore slump after throwing the most innings of his young career last year? Is Jeremy Bonderman ready to accept his place as one of the best pitchers in the American League? Speaking of Bonderman there's a great passage in Michael Lewis' book Moneyball where Billy Beane throws a chair against a wall when he finds out the Athletics took Bonderman with the 26th overall pick in 2001. Beane hated drafting high school pitchers. Later that year they sent him to Detroit in a deal that eventually netted them Ted Lilly. YEESH. Bullpen: As long as Joel Zumaya is kept away from guitar-themed video games and Todd Jones isn't too preoccupied as the vice-president of Associated Bio-Engineers & Consultants they'll be golden.

Hitting: The Good: Carlos Guillen, Magglio Ordonez, Gary Sheffield, The Bad: Sean Casey, The Ugly: America Ferrera. Note on Sheffield: I say we put him in a room with Brian Cashman and tell him that we'll be back in a few hours and he can do whatever he wants without reprecussions. Does he just beat him mercilessly or does he murder him? That's a tough question. Everytime I talk myself into one answer I start second-guessing myself.

Miscellaneous: Mike Maroth is set to start the season as the number five starter. Maroth lost 21 games in 2003 for the historically bad, 119-loss team. Simply amazing. Ignominious stats like losses and strikeouts (for batters) are funny things. A player with a lot of either has performed poorly, but to his credit he was allowed to perform long enough to amass such a quantity. Either way Maroth is a pretty good option for a number five.

Tigers-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Number of times Sheffield gets approached by NAMBLA to be their celebrity sponsor simply by virtue of his shady quasi-moustache: three.

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American League

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Chicago White Sox

2007-03-26T13:58:00.000-04:00

Quick Indians thought: Grady Sizemore is my favorite non-Red Sox related player.

THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX

Pitching: The ChiSox have four big names loaded with a lot of talent. Names and talent, however, don't win on their own. Jose Contreras, Mark Beuhrle, Javier Vazquez, and Jon Garland are all capable of winning 15 games, but only Garland pulled it off, and even he stunk up the 2nd half of the season while posting a season long 4.51 ERA and getting bombed this spring. This is all my roundabout way of saying I don't know what to expect from these four potential aces, but if forced into a corner, we're looking at several 12-11 seasons.

The bullpen has two guys with closing experience, both of whom have great heat and good stuff. They can also be wild. They also both have the potential to have their arms fly into the 3rd base dugout after it snaps off at the shoulder. I mention this because they'll need both of these guys healthy, as no one else in that pen can pitch in the late innings. As long as these guys can go in the 8th and 9th, Chicago should be all right. But as soon as one of Thornton, Aardsma, or Masset is forced to strand the tying run on third base with one out in the eight, this team will have problems.

Hitting: I can't think of ten better lineups, so it looks like they make the top 10. Speed with a healthy Scotty Pods, smarts with veteran Darren Erstat, power with musclemen Jim Thome and Paul Konerko, clear the bases potential with Jermaine Dye, a jerk catcher who hits .300 and pumps up his teammates, and then a bottom third of the order that has exactly the positions you want at the bottom third - 2B, 3B, and SS. And Iguchi and Crede aren't even that bad of hitters.

Miscellaneous: Am I the only one that is infuriated by David Aardsma's existence in Major League Baseball? I mean, HIS name is going to appear before Henry Aaron's in the baseball encyclopedia? Really? Aardsma?

White Sox-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Line on the date when someone gets angry with the antics of manager Ozzie Guillen: Right now.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Cleveland Indians

2007-03-25T19:26:00.000-04:00

THE CLEVELAND INDIANS

Pitching: At the age of 25, C.C. Sabathia enjoyed his finest season as a professional last year, striking out 172 and posted a 139 ERA+. It's too bad he's an oblique strain waiting to happen. Just watch, when his fat ass rolls off the mound to field a bunt he'll do something to land himself on the DL. Somehow, Sabathia is listed at 6'5", 250 lbs. If he's only 250 then I'm the idiot that paid $500,000 for Anna Nicole Smith's diaries. The remainder of the rotation is pretty solid with 24-year-old Jeremy Sowers holding down the fifth spot in the rotation. Sowers pitched well in 88 innings last year starting 14 games with 2 complete game shutouts but only striking out 35. Bullpen: It will cost them more wins than the average bullpen this season, I guarantee it.

Hitting: Very, very good - Travis Hafner, Grady Sizemore, and Victor Martinez. Pound for pound, Hafner is the most dangerous hitter in the AL right now and Sizemore is a lock for 30-30 and the Derek Jeter of the Midwest. Potential superstar third baseman Andy Marte will be just 23-years-old this season and was the reason they could trade Kevin Kouzmanoff, a guy that hit .389 in Double A last year, to San Diego for Josh Barfield. AND they have Trot Nixon. What's not to like? Quick note on Josh Barfield: his father, Jesse, was in the original RBI baseball which begs the question how many players featured in RBI baseball have offspring who now play in the majors? I came up with Cecil Fielder then got distracted when I google imaged him. Baseball has never seen a bigger ass. One year, Alam Trammell got caught in it's orbit and had to spend 60 days on the DL.

Miscellaneous: I'm tired of the Big Papi-Shrek comparisons. He looks nothing like Shrek and frankly I think it's a bit of a subconsciously racist association. Who really does look like Shrek is Travis Hafner. Look at the facial similarities, they're remarkable. Plus he has the ogrish nickname of "Pronk."

Indians-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on number of all-you-can-eat enchilada places C.C. Sabathia eats out of business: seven and a half.

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AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL Central
Kansas City Royals

AL West
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NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Mets
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Washington

Nationals
NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Kansas City Royals

2007-03-23T13:15:00.000-04:00

Quick Athletics thought: I have none. But in regards to the DH...get rid of it.

THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS

Pitching: Well, the Royals finally broke the bank and spent ace money on a pitcher to anchor their staff. The problem is, that ace is now wildly overpaid Gil Meche. The man is a third starter tops. The problem is, he is undoubtedly the ace of that staff. Each pitcher after him wouldn't be a lock on any other rotation in baseball.

In the bullpen, Octavio Dotel is putting together a nice little run in the preseason as the team's closer. After that, the bullpen has nothing to be proud of. The only reason they won't lead the league in blown saves is because they won't have any leads to blow.

Hitting: The Royals' perpetual putridity in every facet of the game continues. You know what? I'm not even going to get into it. I'm just going to give you their lineup and you can think of the rest.

1. David DeJesus CF
2. Mark Grudzielanek 2B
3. Mark Teahen RF
4. Mike Sweeney DH
5. Ryan Shealy 1B
6. Alex Gordon 3B
7. Emil Brown LF
8. Jason LaRue C
9. Angel Berroa SS

Miscellaneous: You know how practically every fan can talk themselves into thinking this is the year they make the playoffs or win the championship? I really want to know: Do Royals fans do this? Can they possibly convince themselves that their team has a shot at 88-90 wins?

Royals-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under on when Kansas City fans ignore Royals and start to talk Chiefs: April 21

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Nationals

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Oakland Athletics

2007-03-23T09:00:00.000-04:00

THE OAKLAND ATHLETICS

Pitching: I was going to make a "If Rich Harden's arm doesn't hold up he could always go by Dick Harden and start directing pornography" joke but I feel like I've read it in print before. It's like Bill Simmons has invaded my subconscious and planted an irreverence tree. But speaking of Harden, he's very good (at baseball, not directing pornography). Technically speaking, he can throw the ball very, very fast. Faster than even me (I'm more of a finesse guy anyway). Playing in the cavernous ballpark that made Barry Zito a hundred-millionaire, Rich Harden could win the Cy Young this year (provided Johan Santana has kidney failure in May). I must emphasize the word "COULD" because Rich Harden is coming off two straight injury-plagued seasons and that is worrisome for a guy of his average-size frame (6'1", 180) who throws 98 mph with consistency. Last year he had a ligament strain in his throwing elbow which limited him to only 46 innings. Harden has said that his changeup was the pitch that lead to the injury and he'll be more careful with it this year, but I'm skeptical he'll stay healthy all season. But his K/9 this spring is 16.5 and he's been lights out so what the hell do I know. As for the rest: Dan Haren, Huston Street, and Justin Duchscherer are good but for the Athletics to overcome their anemic offense they must have a full, healthy, productive season out of Harden.

Hitting: Remember when Eric Chavez went in the first three rounds of a fantasy draft? It was a simpler time back then. Before "24" was a smash hit and before the kids starting using the myspace and watching the youtube. Now he's the 14th ranked third baseman in Yahoo. Whether it's a function of the wealth of quality third basemen or the perception of Chavez's decline, I don't know. Chavez will be only 29 this season and while he still has trouble hitting lefties, his walk totals are trending upwards and he should slug between .450 and .500. For those of you who are reading this, it is for you to decide if this is sound baseball analysis or a clever ruse to up his trade value so I can pawn him off on somebody. Listen to me, Eric, I need a big April from you. As for the rest, Mike Piazza finally gets to be what he's always truly been, a designated hitter. It's like a middle-aged divorced man finally taking that vacation to Fire Island he fantasized about. No need to fantasize any longer, Mike. I just wish you would have stopped lying to yourself years ago. I mean, with that moustache? It practically screams DH. And I'm not a DH-phobe. Big Papi is a DH and he's one of my favorite players. I love DHs (but not in that way). I'm just saying that you fit the stereotypical profile of a designated hitter. Not that there's anything wrong with that or anything.

Miscellaneous: Oakland fans, if you want fans of other teams to take you seriously 1) get a haircut. When I was at Game 3 of the Sox-A's ALDS in 2003 there was a long-haired A's fan sitting near my section. He looked like a half-as-tall Barry Zito. You're an Athletics fan in Fenway Park. You already appear soft. Nothing makes you look like more of a douchebag than your hippy haircut and your "I'm about to cry" eyes as you're escorted out of your section by policemen in the fourth inning because the home fans were relentlessly hounding you. Go listen to Radiohead, asshole. 2) Petition your team to trash the white shoes. They're hideous, almost like orthopedic shoes that special kids wear. You have two options: get some black spikes and wear them like men or trade in your luxury team bus for the short bus with the padded windows.

Athletics-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on number of times I vomit at the unsightliness of McAfee Coliseum: every time I see it's disgusting, empty green seats on the Sportscenter highlights.

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AL West
Los Angeles Angels
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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Los Angeles Angels

2007-03-22T20:28:00.000-04:00

Quick Rangers thought: They stink.

THE LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA ANGELS OF ANAHEIM CALIFORNIA

Pitching: Solid pitching is the solid engine for this solid team. John Lackey is one the most underrated pitchers in baseball. He eats up innings. He strikes guys out. He keeps you in ball games. His 13-11 record last year does him no justice. You throw 217 innings with a 3.56 ERA in the American League, you're a very good pitcher. The rest of the rotation rounds out nicely. Bartolo Colon is injured, but is on pace to be back within a couple months. Santana seems poised to improve on a season that saw him going 16-8. Kelvim Escobar finished with a 3.61 ERA and a 3 to 1 K/BB ratio. And, of course, young future superstud Jered Weaver is expected to overcome a bicep injury and be ready to go by May. Each of these pitchers has the ability to be a #2 starter. Again, this is a solid rotation.

Their bullpen is anchored by a top five closer in Francisco Rodriguez and two sub 3 ERA set up men in Scott Shields and Justin Speier. The loss of Brendan Donnelly to Boston is unfortunate, but bullpen was an area where they could afford to lose personnel. Significantly, they are one of the few teams in the sport that could boast such a quality. This is a solid bullpen.

Hitting: This lineup, though top heavy, will be able to put up enough runs to win a lot of games for the aforementioned pitchers. Chone Figgins provides loads of speed at the top. Howie Kendrick is an up-and-coming high average hitter who can help set the table for uber-star Vlad Guerrero. The lineup then heads down hill from great to adequate, when we see the likes of Gary Mathews Hgh., Garret Anderson's father, and model citizen Shea Hillenbrand. They give way to an anemic bottom third of the order consisting of Casey Kotchman, Mike Napoli, and the high-five-human-highlight-real Orlando Cabrera. Luckily for the Angels of Anaheim, they won't have to score nearly as many runs as say, Seattle and Texas, to win ballgames.

Miscellaneous: If I were to have you rank the top 5 managers of the 21st century, would not Mike Scioscia be one of the two locks on the list with Joe Torre?

Angels-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under - Pounds over 200 that Bartolo Colon will end up being before his career is over: 100

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AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL West
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NL East
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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Texas Rangers

2007-03-21T11:21:00.000-04:00

Well, it's the Rangers preview and I'm feeling cheeky. Here goes...

THE TEXAS RANGERS

Pitching: How Kevin Millwood and Vicente Padilla won 31 combined games last year is beyond me. Neither are terrible pitchers but neither are great ones. And this is the bedrock of pitching staff that plays in a bandbox ballpark. No thank you. They're followed by Brandom McCarthy, a 23-year-old with one and a half years of major league experience who was quizzically traded to them this offseason from the Chicago White Sox, and the Robinson Tejeda/Bruce Chen/Kameron Loe/Jamey Wright four-headed monster at the back end of the rotation. Somewhere it's written that if Bruce Chen is logging innings for you it's time to pack it in for the season. I should know. Yes, I know the Red Sox made the ALCS that year, but sometimes jokes are allowed to supercede actual fact. Bullpen: The Eric Gagne experiment is underway and as fascinating as ever. Why a team like Texas would spend $6 million on a risky closer when they had a perfectly capable guy already and a rotation desperately in need of help at the back end is frankly none of my business so I'm going to stay out of it. Oh, and woman-beating, chair-throwing, Zen master Frank Francisco is still hanging around waiting for a female fan to enrage him sufficiently. An exercise in logic: Let's take as given that only professional wrestlers hit people with folding chairs and that all professional wrestlers are on steroids. If Frank Francisco threw a folding chair then it follows logically that Frank Francisco is a professional wrestler who is on steroids and should be suspended. You're welcome, Mr. Selig (note that THIS came up under a google image search for Bud Selig. Does that make Gene Orza Dudley Do-Right?)

Hitting: Instead of even pretending to properly address their hitting, I'm just going to rail on Texas for trading Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez for Adam Eaton some more. What a horrible deal. The Rangers could have Young as their number 2 right now with Gonzalez DH'ing instead of overpaying Vicente Padilla and playing Russian roulette with Frank Catalanotto and Sammy Sosa. And speaking of Sosa, at some point this season two third of the Rangers outfield could be Kenny Lofton and Slammin' Sammy. Get Jon Daniels on the phone, I want to tell him it's not 1998. Oh, and the third third is Brad Wilkerson. This could be the least potent outfield in the American League even with Sammy's elephantine supply of HGH. Bright spots: Michael Young and Mark Teixeira are still Studly Studlersons. Semi-bright spots: 26-year-old Nelson Cruz will probably start the season in right field and 25-year-old Ian Kinsler is starting his second full season as the Rangers second baseman. Not-bright-at-all spot: Hank Blalock continues to descend into fantasy baseball irrelevance.

Miscellaneous: I don't think I would call the Rangers front office stupid, persay. They do a great job of player development, their entire infield is homegrown and they've churned out some pretty solid pitching prospects. But when it comes to making trades or decisions on the free agent market they're pretty f**king stupid. It's like Rain Man. He can count cards like a champion but ask him to talk to a waitress and he stares at his shoes and fidgets. Only Rain Man would pay the richest franchise in baseball, the Yankees, to take A-Rod off their hands and manage to only get a few seasons of Alfonso Soriano and Brad Wilkerson out of it. Think about it: Tom Hicks is responsible for $21 million of A-Rod's salary over the next three years. He could have bought a whole bunch of cowboy hats with that money.

Rangers-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: N/A, they suck too much.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Seattle Mariners

2007-03-20T13:44:00.000-04:00

Quick Mets thoughts: Ultimately, the Mets turned out just like the Yankees. Maybe it's what they've always wanted. They outspent their division and league, and now have the top lineup in the NL with either old or underdeveloped pitchers with only two solid innings available each night from the bullpen. So what will this get them? A couple division titles with the best record in their league. After that, it's a crapshoot. The Yankees are in a six year rut with that strategy. Let's see how it works for the Metropolitans, who somehow remain infinitely more likeable.

THE SEATTLE MARINERS

Pitching: Seattle has a potential ace (Felix Hernandez) who has yet to realize his potential (read: Not been an ace yet) and a gaggle of #4 starters (Washburn, Batista, Weaver, Ramirez) to back up said unrealized ace. Translation: This starting pitching has 6 innings, 4-5 runs written all over them. Luckily, their bullpen can come in and save day.

Yeah...about that. Their bullpen has Chris Reitsma as their #2 go to guy after fireballer J.J. Putz. You could build a better bridge out of pencils and scotch tape.

Hitting: Through one ninth of their order, they might have the best lineup in baseball. Then it rapidly falls apart. Adrian Beltre has weaned himself off human growth horomone, and now swings a bat more like Adrian Balboa. Johjima, Ibanez, and Sexson are respectable players, but I have to wonder if their numbers are a result from one of the best power ballparks in the majors. This lineup does not impress me.

Miscellaneous: This is Ichiro's contract year, which is yet another reason why the Sox were crazy to give so much money to JD Drew this offseason. You don't think Ichiro and Matsuzaka would want to be teammates? All the money spent on Drew could have been spent on Ichiro next season. Now, the Sox will have to break the bank. I wouldn't rule out a July trade involving CoCo Crisp and a young pitcher for Suzuki, with the Sox immediately locking him up to an extension. What does this have to do with the Mariners? Well, they wouldn't trade Ichiro if they were contending, would they.

Mariners-related proposition bet: Odds on Queen Felix earning the right to have me call him King Felix like others used to: Practically zero.

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NL East
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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: New York Mets

2007-03-19T10:49:00.000-04:00

Mets' fan, and FJFP-writer, Rob is presenting you with this year's preview of the New York Mets. How will Rob deal with a rotation that looks like it was built for a fast-pitch modified softball league and five everyday players who are on the wrong side of 34?

THE NEW YORK METS

Alright, even after my meh to mediocre effort, I'm lucky enough to have a second shot at writing something decent to fanboyish about a NY sports team on this site. It's much appreciated. Hopefully my comeback is closer to this, rather than this. Only time will tell...

Pitching: The main weakness of this year's Mets team is starting pitching. Then again, one can say the same thing about last year's team, and of all the scapegoats from the postseason, the starters were not the problem in the LCS. Pedro will miss at least the first four months this season, but it's not like the team needs to replace '99 Pedro production wise, as he actually posted an ERA+ below 100 for the first time in his career last year. As for the opening day rotation, it's mostly filled with guys that are lucky they pitch in an NL pitchers park. Frankly, this rotation is as forgettable as David Spade's post Chris Farley acting career. Seriously, this guy is even shorter than I am (don't believe the lies on his IMDB page-- I wrote 5'7" on my driver's license too, it doesn't make it true), and he's still getting sitcoms and banging celebrities. Seriously, why not me? Alas... anyways, as long as the Mets don't subject the world to seeing this guy again, everything will be alright. The bullpen is the strength of the Mets pitching staff, and a major reason why the team was the best in the NL last season. The back end is solid, with Aaron Heilman and Billy Wagner holding down the 8th and 9th innings. While the likelihood of some repeat performances is in doubt, this pen should still be around the top of the league, assuming manager Willie Randolph doesn't blow it out by July.

Hitting: Again, the hitting should be above average in the NL, if not best in the league (park adjusted, of course). The left side of the infield could be the best in the game, though both the other New York team (you saw right... other) and Florida are both in the argument. The rest of the infield should be able to maintain its production from last season, as for all the fluky goodness provided by the mustached man last season, the awfulness of everyone else that manned the keystone means that the Mets can expect the same production on the whole. Carlos Delgado was on the low end of his established norms last year, and though he’s aging, some more luck on batting average on balls in play (he had a .060 drop year over year) should allow him to continue to be an above-average NL first basemen. The team derives its ever-important veteran leadership from its catcher, though the Mets will put more runs on the board with the next Derek Jeter batting second in the lineup. As for the outfield, hopefully Carlos Beltran's hamstrings have healed up, since there's the Mets imported some old, brittle, former Giants outfielder (and they couldn't even get that right... lame), to go along with the old, washed-up, former Dodgers outfielder. I'm just hoping this doesn't lead down the wrong path if Beltran goes down for any length of time (You know what I meant, get your head out of the gutter... Dammit...)

Miscellaneous: As you may or may not know, Moises Alou has an interesting pregame ritual. As you can tell by the date on the link, this isn't exactly a recent development. Anyways, it got me to thinking: what would it be like if people in other professions took up this practice. For some, such as plumber, garbage man, or guest blogger, I can't imagine it having much of an impact on actual job performance (well, I am in fact positive about one, I'll leave you to decide which). Still, there are other occupations where this could cause problems. I, for one, wouldn't particularly want my dentist warming up this way. You know, I was gonna give other examples, but I'm pretty pleased with the lasting impression I've left-- the thought of your dentist and his pee filled hands pulling your wisdom teeth-- that I'm just gonna stop here... You're welcome.

Mets-related proposition bet: Date on which special assistant Rickey Henderson wins Shawn Green’s job in a card game: June 24th. Amount of pleased I'll be with this development: Immeasurable.

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NL East
Philadelphia Phillies
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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Philadelphia Phillies

2007-03-18T12:16:00.000-04:00

THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES

Pitching: Hands down best pitching in the NL East. The rotation includes ace-in-waiting Cole Hamels, ace-in-progress Brett Myers, Adam "somehow I was traded for Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez" Eaton, Freddy "got fingered" Garcia, and ageless wonderboy Jamie Moyer with Jon Lieber, who baseball reference says is most similar to Kevin Tapani through age 36, as their sixth starter and prime tradebait for bullpen help. That's an all-around above average rotation with the potential for Hamels, with his fantastic K-rate and low workload last year, to go from a fantasy dork's wet dream to Phillies' fans' dreamboat starter. Bullpen: Philadelphia's bullpen is an if-then statement. IF Tom Gordon can stay healthy THEN they will be passable. But that's a big "IF" and an even bigger "THEN." Gordon will be 39 this season after a season in which he was either missing time or simply ineffective due to a chronic right shoulder strain. And he's still not 100%. To put a positive spin on things the six-fingered Antonio Alfonseca has been spotting in a Phillies uniform this spring.

Hitting: With Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Jimmy Rollins you can almost excuse the rest of the lineup. And raise your hand if your fantasy team depends on Pat Burrell getting back to his 40 homerun ways this season. Just me? Dammit. Anyway, neck and neck for the best NL offense with the NY Mets.

Miscellaneous: As I write this I'm watching the Florida-Purdue second round NCAA game. Joakim Noah is the tallest woman in the world and she should be checked for human growth hormone.

Phillies-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on number of Phillies games my friend Pax buys tickets for but never uses because he can't get anyone to go with him: the entire Dodgers-Phillies series. Simply put nobody wants to travel all the way to Philadelphia just to get to the game in the third inning and leave by the seventh. This Dodger-fan specific behavior is so ingrained in Pax's baseball viewing habits that it's a Pavlovian response.

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NL East
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San Diego Padres
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
Colorado Rockies
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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Atlanta Braves

2007-03-16T19:35:00.000-04:00

Quick Marlins thought: The Florida Marlins payroll is smaller than each of the salaries of several Yankees players.

THE ATLANTA BRAVES

Pitching: I love the Braves pitching. The Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz combo will be tough to beat, especially with Denny Neagle, Steve Avery, and Charlie Liebrandt to round out the rotation. Can Mark Wholers stay healthy in the pen? Or will Alejandro Pena have to step into the closers role? Well, whoever's on the mound, I'm sure Leo Mazzone will be able to get the very best out of them.

Wait, wait. This isn't the 90's? Oh.

The Braves pitching is not good.

Hitting: Out on a limb, but I'm confident: Andruw Jones is going to be a first ballot hall of famer. Chipper Jones won't be. Who saw that coming five years ago? The rest of this squad, aside from Smoltz, Wickman, and Renteria, is VERY young. If Atlanta starts getting some money again, the Braves and Mets can own two playoff spots through the end of the decade. While the Mets should get back this year, the Braves are still a year away.

Miscellaneous: I used to be a full-fledged Braves fan until about the 99 season, when I slowly started moving towards the Sox. By 2001, I was fully in the Sox camp, cheering hard for them in the interleague games against the Braves, and being truly bummed out when the Sox missed the playoffs and not caring that the Braves were in them. By 2003, the Braves were just another team to me, with the Cubs surpassing them as my favorite NL team. The point? I have none.

Braves-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/Under on amount of teams that inquire about uber-valuable Free-Agent to be Andruw Jones at the trade deadline: 12.5

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NCAA: Beware the Ides of March Madness

2007-03-15T11:31:00.000-04:00

A break from our poorly researched MLB preview to address something more pressing. Before the shroud of unproductivity that accompanies the NCAA tournament blankets all of America's schools and offices, we felt that we should address the Madness that is March.

1. Courtesy of my friend Dan, go here to watch all the games on your computer. And while you're at it just give your two weeks notice before your boss has the opportunity to fire you. That way you can say you left because of creative differences and not because you spent two hours screaming in your cubicle for Creighton to "hit a f****** shot." At least leave with some dignity.

2. I have two brackets in my office pool ($10 each, play money not real money) and they could not be more different. It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Bracket. I realize that this is a smart move in terms of hedging my bets, but now I'm conflicted. Until I see how each bracket is going to unfold who do I root for in the first rounds? UVA or Albany? Butler or ODU? Florida or Jackson State? Okay the last one was a joke.

3. Speaking of Florida, if sports in HD is the argument for high definition broadcasts then Joakim Noah is the very persuasive counter-argument.

4. Do teams like Winthrop, Creighton, or Xavier even play any regular season basketball games? You never hear anything about them until mid-March and suddenly they're populating the 9-12 seeds of the tourament. I'm convinced they play in one team conferences where they have intra-squad scrimmages all year and then announce themselves champions.

5. Who else can't wait to see Tyler "Psycho T" Hansbrough flip out with the mask on like a dog with one of those cones around its head? Yet another reason why you shouldn't put animals in people's clothes.

6. Greg Oden is going to issue a huge reality check and reassert his status as the far and away number one pick in this year's NBA draft. With all the pre-college hype followed by the broken wrist and the unassuming performance this year, Oden's Q rating has been surpassed by Kevin Durant and his trascendent season for Texas. Durant is very good, but Oden is Oden and has played all year relying on his non-dominant hand. Nobody in the college game can stop him near the basket, as simple as that. And, yes, I did pick Acie Law IV and Texas A&M in beat them in the Dr. Jekyll bracket.

Ian, additions?

Yeah, I got additions.

1. Duke sucks. I knew they sucked heading in and thought they'd be "upset" in round 1. I picked them to go to the sweet sixteen, however, in order to paint myself into a win-win scenario. Either they'd be bounced in the first two rounds making me happy, or they'd make the third round and make me right. Well, I'm happy, but I can't help but be remiss about the opportunity I had to be happy and right.

2. Day 1 had me going 12 for 16. I consider this an underperformance, but it's irrelevant, as the first round hardly matter in any pools. It's all about keeping the subsequent rounds intact as long as possible. I had GW and Duke in the Sweet Sixteen, so I only have fourteen SS teams left. My goal is to have 10 alive after the first round, and eight alive heading into the actual Sweet Sixteen. I also am confident of all my Elite 8 picks. If I get 6 or 7 of them, that should put me in a comfortable spot in my "friendly contest."

3. Who are these Elite 8 teams? Florida, Oregon, Kansas, UCLA, Texas, Georgetown, Ohio State, and Louisville. Three one's, two two's, a three, a four, and a six.

4. Duke lost in the first round to Virginia Commonwealth.

5. I'm hoping both Oden and Durant have great tournaments, as any tumbling of stock might convince them to get in another year at the college level. As this is the year my Boston Celtics are bottoming out, I want badly both of them in the draft.

6. Picks for today, the 16th of March: #13 Albany, #10 Georgie Tech, #2 Memphis, #11 Winthrop, #12 Long Beach State, #2 Wisconsin, #10 Creighton, #3 Oregon, #1 Kansas, #12 Illinois, #8 Arizona, #4 Texas, #9 Villanova, #13 Holy Cross, #1 Florida, #12 Arkansas

7. Haha, Duke.

8. I am a school teacher and I have a snowday today. Now I can watch all these games scheduled between 12 and 1. Talk about a gift from the gods.

The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Florida Marlins

2007-03-14T13:50:00.000-04:00

Too busy at work to blog in complete sentences.

THE FLORIDA MARLINS

Pitching: Dontrelle Willis: good. Scott Olsen: potential (good K/9). Anibal Sanchez: blah, success in limited 2006 action (SEE: no-hitter), won't keep it up. Josh Johnson: last year's team ERA leader but hurt. The rest: YUCK. Watch out for Yusmeiro Petit, though.

Hitting: Miguel Cabrera and Hanley Ramirez: great. Jeremy Hermida: potentially great. Ignore what you hear about Josh Willingham, Dan Uggla, and Mike Jacobs. They're decent but not very good. Noteworthy: Aaron Boone could play all four infield positions for them during the season. Aaron f****** Boone.

Miscellaneous: I'm okay with the Red Sox trading Anibal Sanchez to Florida in the Josh Beckett deal, but Hanley Ramirez will haunt them for the rest of his career. Solace: I don't think the deal would have happened if Hanley wasn't included and I'm optimistic about Beckett this year. But there still must have been some way to pull off the deal without trading him. And speaking of the Marlins trading pitchers or letting them walk at their prime, let's review who they've had and gotten rid of in the last few years: A.J. Burnett, Josh Beckett, and Brad Penny. Take a look at what those three have been up to since they left Florida. The Marlins aren't fools. Just a note to whichever team gets roped into trading for Dontrelle Willis.

Marlins-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: The line for when the Marlins' Mermaids (baseball's first and only cheerleading corps) officially go topless: May 12th.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Washington Nationals

2007-03-13T07:06:00.000-04:00

Cardinals thoughts: How in the HELL did they win the World Series last year?

WASHINTON NATIONALS

Pitching: Well, we've gone from the defending World Series champs to the team which I predict will have the worst record in baseball. Saj and I agreed that previews of some teams, due to their anemic chances in the upcoming season, will not be as lengthy as others. This is one such time.

Their pitching stinks. John Patterson and Chad Cordero will both be wearing different uniforms by August.

Hitting: Their hitting stinks. Ryan Zimmerman is a nice young ballplayer, though. Then again, so was I.

Miscellaneous: This franchise leading the league in wins in the strike-shortened 1994 season has to be one of the more overlooked baseball achievements of the last 20 years.

Nationals-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: President Bush must be throwing out the first pitch, right? You know, there's a joke waiting to be made comparing the ineffectiveness of the National front office to the similarly ineffective Bush Administration, but I'm just not seeing it.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: St. Louis Cardinals

2007-03-12T12:10:00.000-04:00

I disagree with you regarding Mark Loretta.

THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS

Pitching: Before I get all negative about the Cardinals pitching staff I want to make everyone aware of the following: Chris Carpenter, Jason Marquis, Jeff Suppan, Mark Mulder, Anthony Reyes, Jeff Weaver, and Sidney Ponson all started more than ten games for the Cardinals last year. Suppan was the only non-Carpenter one of those guys who was even barely better than league average. The other five guys were absolutely terrible in the regular season. The reason I bring this up? Because it proves that a Chris Carpenter and a bunch of schmucks who are playing for contracts can turn in virtuoso Octobers and win the World Series. This is like a beacon of hope for the "as bad or worse" 2007 Cardinals rotation. Unfortunately life doesn't work out that way. Sure you may not crash your car the first time you drive home from the bar with a BAC two times the legal limit, blindfolded, and steering with your teeth but the next time you do it you'll probably miss the playoffs (or you'll just get lazy with your metaphor.) Bottom Line: After Carpenter there is a lot of uncertainty. The suddenly-thirty Kip Wells is being billed as a number two, Adam Wainwright is making the always fun transition from closer to starter, and Mark Mulder is a 29-year-old coming off shoulder surgery and a truncated season where he got knocked around more than an Alabama hooker. The bullpen sees the return of Jason Isringhausen from hip surgery but the loss of the surprisingly effective Adam Wainwright to the rotation. NOTE ON ISRINGHAUSEN: In fantasy baseball, I traded Luis Gonzalez for Isringhausen the year Gonzalez hit 57 homeruns. Something I'm not proud to admit.

Hitting: Aside from the hitting vacuum that will be the middle of their infield and their catcher (David Eckstein, Adam Kennedy, Yadier Molina) the Cardinals are doing okay in the hitting department. Scott Rolen's shoulder is another year removed from surgery and while he may never repeat his 2004 season, he's a good bet to improve on his numbers from last year. Chris Duncan, who will start in left field, showed 30-40 homerun power in his 90 or so games last year. The negatives: Jim Edmonds will be 37 this year AND he may not even be ready for Opening Day and Juan Encarnacion is somehow still playing professional baseball. FANTASY SLEEPER ALERT: The guy heading into camp at the top of the list for the job at first base is Albert Pujols. Right now the job is Pujols' to lose and I really have to say that I'm impressed by the confidence LaRussa is showing in him. Watch out for him on draft day. You can thank me when you've got your league rapped up by mid-August.

Miscellaneous: Just to piss off roommate and FJFP writer Rob, here's a Molina-related excerpt from an NLCS Game 7 post a few months ago:

'The Mets got Molina-ed. They got Molina-ed good. Yadier "I'm not as fat as my brothers" Molina hit a two-run game winning homer in the top of the ninth. To get to the bottom of the complete improbability of this ever happening I'm going to throw out some numbers: .274, 417, 6, 87, 5. Care to guess what these numbers represent? No? Okay, I'll tell you.

The first number is Yadier Molina's ON BASE PERCENTAGE. Yes, you read that correctly. ON BASE PERCENTAGE. His OBP was almost sixty points lower than Albert Pujols' batting average.

The second is the number of at bats he had this year, fairly standard for a catcher, and the third is the number of homeruns he hit. Six homeruns in 417 at bats. That's about one every seventy at bats. If you assume he gets an average of four at bats a game, that's a homerun for every seventeen regular season games. And this was the youngest Molina's second homerun of a postseason in which he was playing his eleventh game.

Finally, the fourth and fifth numbers relate to the svelte Mr. Aaron Heilman, the man who most directly got Molina-ed. Eighty seven is the number of innings Heilman pitched this season (with a 3.62 ERA and a 1.16 WHIP) and five is the number of homeruns he has surrendered. That's a homerun every 17 innings or so against, on average, hitters who are a good deal better than Yadier Molina. And he was pitching in Shea Stadium which was, despite the very competent Mets offense, the fifth worst park for the long ball this year. And the Mets were 7th in MLB in homeruns with 96 of their 200 homers being hit at home. Assuming the statistics for homeruns per game held from September 6th through the end of the season, visiting teams hit only 60 homeruns at Shea Stadium. What in the name of Aaron f****** Boone happened last night??'

Addendum: Yadier Molina's OPS+ last year was 54. He was half as good as the average baseball player in 2006.

Cardinals-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Over/under on how many times my friend Pax will use the phrase "You are So Taguchi and you don't even know it" during a Dodgers-Cardinals game this year: 1,263.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Houston Astros

2007-03-10T08:25:00.000-05:00

Quick thoughts on the Reds: I forgot how long the Reds were in the playoff race last year. They played their hearts out. It's why I feel so terrible for teams like the Reds, Royals, and Pirates of the world. When they top out, when everything comes together, they'd be lucky to make the playoffs. If the Yankees, Angels, or BoSox had a season like the Reds last year, it'd be an utter disappointment. My point? Cincinnati sucks.

Houston Astros

Pitching: You gotta love Roger Clemens. Wait, did I say love? Excuse me. You gotta dislike Roger Clemens. Understand that the Astros are the only team he'd sign with. He knew it last year and he knows it this year. Why make a team scramble, not knowing if you're going to be at or near the front of their rotation? It'd be so much easier on the Astros if they knew if he was playing or not. Brett Favre slows down the Green Bay Packers if they don't know if he'll be back under center the next year. Ricky Williams did the same thing when he retired right before training camp, leaving the Dolphins no time to effectively plug the bong shaped hole in their backfield. These athletes have become entirely too selfish in this decision making process. I'm all for them trying to get the most money possible, it is a business after all. However, in business, you should handle yourself as a professional and treat the franchise you might end up joining with respect.

Anyway, the Astros pitching is okay. They have a nice ace in Oswalt, but if Clemens doesn't come back, and with Pettitte gone back to the Bronx, they'll miss that veteran presence in their rotation. It severely weakens the strength on the back end of that rotation.

Bullpen: Like their starting pitching not knowing if they'll have Clemens, their bullpen is similarly pondering the state of Brad Lidge. Unlike Clemens, we know Lidge will lace up the cleats. Like Clemens, the Astros have NO idea what they will get out of Lidge, and this affects the rest of the bullpen. Is Wheeler closing with an inadequate set up man in front of him? Or do Wheeler and Lidge go back to shortening the game to 7 innings for the Astros starters? Or maybe this is the year Lidge blows yet another save to Pujols and the Cards, resulting in Lidge heading over to jump off the old Astrodome.

Hitting: They made a nice addition with Carlos Lee, finally concentrating on some offense in an offseason. He will provide great protection from Berkman, who put up some monster numbers last year (45, 136, 95). I'm eager to see if Morgan Ensberg can bounce back to his 2005 form, where he hit 36 dongs and broke the 100 RBI mark. If he returns to form and you throw him in there with Berkman and Lee in a hitters' ballpark, Houston might make a run at 90 wins even without Clemens.

Miscellaneous: I want Mark Lorette to play. And if he doesn't, I want to know why the Sox parted with a hard worker like Loretta and downgraded to Dustin Pedroia, then spent millions of dollars on JD Drew who won't play 100 games this year, all the while giving up on young, powerful Wily Mo Pena, a move that Saj waxed poetic on earlier this week. The two moves are contradictory philosophies, though Red Sox Nation should be getting used to that.

Astros-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Let's make it non-ridiculous: Line on when Roger Clemens throws a pitch for the Astros - July 1.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Cincinnati Reds

2007-03-09T12:08:00.000-05:00

THE CINCINNATI REDS

Pitching: If before last season you told me that Bronson Arroyo would lead the majors in innings pitched and Aaron Harang would be third in innings pitched and second in strikeouts I would have been absolutely taken aback. Taken aback, I say! Verily, those men pitched very well for the Reds last year and both earned semi-lucrative extensions. But its unfortunate they won't repeat their combined success. Look for at least Arroyo's numbers to falter a tad for a team that will feature Eric Milton, Kyle Lohse, and Elizardo Ramirez at the back end of the rotation. Yikes. Bottom line: Cincinnati was 14th in staff ERA last year even despite Arroyo's and Harang's stats, ergo things are not looking that rosy. But it could be worse. They could have Paul Wilson and Kirk Saarloos waiting in the wings for a spot start or two. Oh, wait.

Bullpen: Remember that quixotic Gary Majewski trade last year where the Reds pretty much gave the Nationals Austin Kearns and Felipe Lopez? The Reds traded something else in that deal. Their dignity. Other than the sore-shouldered Majewski, the Reds have a decent pen in Dave Weathers, Todd Coffey, and Rheal Cormier, but with "Everday" Eddie Guardado sidelined until July (irony?) due to Tommy John Surgery they haven't yet found their closer for the time being. And somehow that's still not enough justification to sign Kerry Ligtenberg.

Hitting: Take a guess who lead the Reds in VORP last year. If you guessed Adam Dunn or Ken Griffey, you're wrong. If you guessed Ryan Freel, you're an idiot. It was Rich Aurilia. Yes, the current first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. That Rich Aurilia. Amazing, right? What with Dunn hitting somewhere near the Mendoza line and Griffey turning in a subpar, truncated season, it's not so hard to believe. But I'm not here to be negative. Dunn, for all his striking out still walked 112 times and had his third straight 40 homerun season and Griffey will continue to hobble his way to 600 homers and the Hall of Fame. Freel finally has an everday spot and a chance to showcase his speed and/or his prowess with the craigslist honeys. David Ross will get more time behind the plate, where he hit a solid 21 homers in 247 at-bats and the youth movement (Edwin Encarnacion and Brandon Phillips) should progress nicely, especially the young, and talented, Encarnacion.

Miscellaneous: Can we talk for a moment about last year's Bronson Arroyo for Wily Mo Pena deal? Can we? First the Sox rope-a-dope Arroyo into signing a below market contract and then they send him off for a huge, power-hitting, no-defense, outfielder when they already have two guys just like him but with more talent. The 2006 season proves Arroyo to be one of the best pitchers in the NL and proves Pena to have the Pedro Cerrano-like inability to hit a breaking pitch or accurately judge the strike zone. Fast forward a year and Arroyo signs a nice extension and the Red Sox bury Pena behind J.D. Drew, forever stunting any progress or development on his end. I say the Sox trade Coco Crisp, put Pena in centerfield next to Manny Ramirez, and just play the theme song to the Benny Hill Show over the loudspeakers. I know this has nothing to do with the Reds, but it definitely can be filed under miscellaneous.

Reds-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: In lieu of a proposition bet, I wanted to make you all aware that one of the many nicknames for the city of Cincinnati is "Porkopolis." Gross. And you wonder why the terrorists hate us.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Milwaukee Brewers

2007-03-08T07:20:00.000-05:00

Saj, I don't think you were clear enough. Do you think the Pirates will do well this year?

MILWAUKEE BREWERS

Pitching: I forgot Ben Sheets went 6-7 last year. And he's their ace. As talented as Sheets is, if the ace of a mediocre-at-best team is below .500 in an injury plagued season, they probably underperformed. The Brewers, however, seem to be an improving team, and their young pitchers are a reason why. Sheets, Capuano, and Dave Bush, though they combined for a one-game-under-.500 record last year, should all improve in 2007. The addition of Jeff Suppan gives them a pitcher that can hover around .500 as well.

The Brewers' bullpen is a complete mess. They brought in Francisco Cordero to be their savior in the 9th inning, which is kind of like bringing in Isiah Thomas to revive your struggling business. The rest of their pen is loaded with guys stiffer than Wayne Newton's face, including Derrick Turnbow, who apparently had his arm heal after a "Rookie of the Year" type season in 2005.

Hitting: There are a few pieces to like in the Brewers lineup. Richie Weeks and Prince Fielder make up a young, talented right side of the infield. (Prince Fielder is younger than me, that SOB.) Unfortunately, the young Prince hurt himself running a 60-yard-dash, which was about as predictable as Sean Hannity making no sense on a social issue.

There are other pieces to the puzzle that can do the job, like Koskie, Hall, Jenkins, Estrada, and Grafanino. The problem is this team has little power and little speed beyond Fielder and Weeks.

Miscellaneous: Every aspect of this team is average to below average. Except one thing... The sausage race!!!

Pirate-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Odds on the Staush winning the most amount of races this year - Exactly 5:1.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Pittsburgh Pirates

2007-03-07T15:53:00.000-05:00

Before I get to my preview of the absolutely terrible Pittsburgh Pirates, I just want to thank Boston Dirt Dogs for posting a slightly homoerotic picture of my friends and I at a baseball game three years ago. The response of the masses has ranged from "wow, that's gay" to "so that was before you joined a gym, right?"

THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES

Pitching: Pretty horrible. They have a quartet of young guys (Zack Duke, Paul Maholm, Ian Snell, Tom Gorzelanny) set for the rotation, three of which (Duke, Maholm, Snell) have at least one full year of service time. Having young pitching is a good thing when you have young talented pitching and while Duke, Maholm, and Snell have shown flashes of quality pitching (Snell with a GREAT K-rate and Duke with a fantastic name) I hesitate to say that this is the year any of them really figure it out. After those four the Pirates can pick between Tony Armas and Shawn Chacon which is like choosing to mix either arsenic or cyanide into your lemonade. Bullpen: they traded their only asset, Mike Gonzalez, for Adam LaRoche. So we'll probably see Kevin Gryboski or John Wasdin in the later innings of a baseball game.

Hitting: Knock knock? Who's there? A superstar hitter who is underpaid and happy about it. A superstar hitter who is underpaid and happy about it who? Jason Bay. Following the 2005 season, Bay signed a four-year, $18.25 million back-loaded contract and was so happy he shed tears over it. And that's refreshing. What's not refreshing is how fast he's going to bolt to the Yankees when his contract is up in 2009. As for Bay's help in the lineup, it's sparse at best. I'm sold on LaRoche, who hit 32 homers last year in Atlanta, but I am not about to buy any stock in last year's batting champion, Freddy Sanchez. Freddy defies what I like to call common sense. Last year he was a 28-year old infielder who played three different positions, hit .344 with a strikingly low (for his BA) OBP of .378, showed no speed on the basepaths, and had only six homeruns. Granted he's a high contact player (only struck out 52 times) so he won't be that prone to slumps but his low homerun total for a high contact player means he's more often at the whim of lady luck on the balls he puts in play. The only time such a shallow disparity between BA and OBP should be accepted is if the player's name is Vladimir Guerrero. And, hell, even Bill Mueller won a batting title.

Miscellaneous: I'm sick of talking about the Pirates, so I'll use this opportunity to let everyone know that Vladimir Guerrero's middle name is "Alvino."

Pirate-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Odds of ESPN running a pun-tastic "Duke's of Hazzard" headline if Zach Duke turns in a shutout on a slow news night- EVEN MONEY.

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The Greatest Baseball Preview in America: Chicago Cubs

2007-03-07T07:22:00.000-05:00

Quick Padres thought: Wells and Maddux are friends? That's like the jerk captain of the wrestling team being friends with the captain of the chess team. Their age concerns me, even if thus far they seem to defy it. I picked them to win the division last year, but I'm more hesitant this season.

Chicago Cubs

Pitching: Watch out for the Cubbies. If they're in contention, I place them in the lead for the top starter come the trade deadline. And since by the end of June all but three teams will be in contention in the National League, they will make that move. With Lou Piniella in charge of a team that is actually willing to spend money - and did - this team can contend right away in a wide-open division. Their chance for success, however, depends on signing a #2 starter (assuming Mark Prior gets injured, and he will). Ted Lilly is not good enough to be a #2, nor is Rich Hill good enough for #3. Their depth isn't terrible with Wade Miller as an extra starter, but you can almost count on an injury between these six starters.

Their bullpen will have the pleasure of having one of baseball top 5 closers, they're just going to have to wait a few months before they try Kerry Wood out there. This moves the serviceable Ryan Dempster to the 8th inning, strengthening the back of their bullpen. Dempster will begin the year as their closer, but will hand the job off to Wood, as well as be available to close when Wood pitches too often. After these two, however, the bullpen is the team's biggest weakness.

Hitting: This offense is going to be scary good when Alex Rodriguez is playing short stop for them next year. Until then, they'll just have to settle for having, along with the New York Mets, the scariest middle of the order in the National league. Do you think opposing pitchers want to face Soriano, Lee, and Ramirez in an inning? (I hope they won't be silly and bat Soriano's 40 hr potential at leadoff.) They'd rather be accused of giving a wet willy to teammate Daryle Ward. Jacque Jones is no slouch with 27 roundtrippers out of the 6 hole. DeRosa and Barret are .300 hitters at the worst offensive positions in baseball (second base and catcher), while Matt Murton and Cesar Izturiz are good, young defensive players, with Murton having some upside offensively. Frankly, an all around solid team.

Miscellaneous: And don't underestimate Lou Piniella. His teams have the penchant for overachieving. Tampa Bay made some good runs before running out of gas in the uber-competitive (read: expensive) American League East. Seattle set the record for most games won in a season. Chicago has the talent, the money, and the division to be a competitor. Worst-to-First is NOT out of the question.

Cub-related Ridiculous Proposition Bet: Number of Illinois goats slaughtered to break the Curse of the Billy Goat: 1908

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